BDSM Beginners Kit
Nine Levels of Submission
"Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words 'submissive'
and 'slave' to mean many different things. When submissives say 'I want
to be your slave,' sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up
and whipped. Many professional dominants routinely refer to their
(usually not very genuinely submissive clients) as 'slaves.' At the
other extreme, there are people who want to be full-time personal
servants, and who truly want to exist solely for their Dom(me)'s use,
pleasure and convenience. And there are many shades in between these two
extremes."
- THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST. Not into
servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up
sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own
direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one's own bodily
sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's
sadism).
- PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing "slave," but
into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes,
infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT
into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.
- PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes
to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being
"used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant
in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to
a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshipers).
- TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control (only temporarily
and within agreed upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from
aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the
dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up
responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms,
but still seek mainly her/his own direct pleasure (rather than getting
one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).
- TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control (though only
temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main
satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant, but only for FUN
purposes, usually erotic. May not be into pain. If so, is turned on by
pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism,
on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.
- UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up
control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the
dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic
services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a
full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at
any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not
have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way, the
"slave" has the final say over when she will serve.
- PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an
owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominants property
at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of
life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other
commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave's free
time.
- FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad
limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing
solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to
be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the
situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world
the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially
if the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave"
arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude
carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being
given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with
more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more
specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.
- CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. A common fantasy ideal which
probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious
cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by
brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully
consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a
slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your
Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be
no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim.
The above list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most
submissives don't fall neatly into one of these categories; there are
still further shades in between. (For example, a live-in slave with an
outside paying job would be category 7 1/2. Also the same submissive may
attain different degrees of submission with different Dom(me)s. The list
is intended simply to show the wide range of different possible meanings
of the words "submissive" and "slave."
In the S/M subculture, the majority of "submissives" seek scenes in
categories 1-3, whereas most of the Dom(mes) I know (including myself)
seek slaves in categories 6-7. If you're a submissive in categories 1-3,
you are probably best off seeking a relationship not with a Dom(me) but
with a fellow "sub," or with a switchable person into both roles. The
two can take turns acting out each other's "submissive" or masochistic
fantasies.
When a submissive tells a dominant, "I want to be your slave," it is
often hard to tell exactly what is meant. Lots of people fantasize a
much greater degree of submission than they are able or willing to
attain in real life, and lots of "slaves," especially inexperienced
ones, over estimate their own desire for real life servitude. A dominant
must carefully find out how far the "slave" really wants to go.
Caveat emptor.
A true Master shall take pride in the fact that a woman has chosen to
devote her entire being to the satisfaction and fulfillment of his
desires. Just as she, in return, can take pride that such a man has
chosen her, above all others to provide that fulfillment. For openers,
the female should decide that she may actually be a true submissive, and
find the courage and commitment to put herself in the hands of a true
Master. She must know that at that precise moment her option to make
choices will end. He will do what he wants to do, completely apart from
her preconceived ideas. I am not necessarily referring to physical
discipline, and I am most definitely not referring to the extremes of
physical discipline. There are always limits, and the true Master knows
what they are. He also knows that those limits are different for every
slave. But he also knows that regardless of those individually
determined limits, every slave should at least once be forced to go one
step beyond what she believes she can endure.
A Master should do what pleases him. The secret is to know the slave
well enough so that while pleasing himself, he also provides her with
fulfillment. But he should also once in awhile take his slave (even for
a brief moment) slightly beyond her own self-conceived limits. But in
doing so, he must take care not to really hurt her. Again he must know
the slave well. In short, a slave should, once in awhile, be forced to
beg to plead, "Oh God, please stop!" But after every session, a slave
should also, if only just to herself, always say, "Oh God, I want him to
have me again!"
As I said, it doesn't have to be physical discipline. If the female is
lucky, she may someday find a Master who is also an expert at sensual
"torture." If you have never experienced this, you may not believe it,
but a Master who knows the art, and who is smart enough to learn what
kind of a woman he is dealing with, will be able to "torture" her with
out hurting her at all!
The human body can voluntarily withstand only a certain level of sensual
pleasure or sensation. That is why a man, when he has an orgasm, usually
stops moving, because he just can't stand the sensation of having the
tip of his penis stimulated while he is coming. That's also why a woman
who has a true, full orgasm also usually stops moving, or arches her
back and pulls her body taut, or fights or cries out or curls into a
ball.
It is not that it hurts. It is just that the pleasure is unbearable! But
suppose a woman were tied and exposed and helpless. And suppose that a
man knew her well enough to be able to regularly bring her to full
orgasm. And then suppose the Master did that and kept her there right at
the peak for perhaps five minutes or ten or even twenty minutes! Imagine
being at the peak of orgasm that didn't stop. Imagine straining at your
bonds and screaming and pleading and begging for him to stop, and
imagine him being good enough and strong enough to ignore the screams
and to keep that sensual "torture" going on and on, because it pleases
him to hear the screams and begging him to stop but not until he chooses
to, for himself.
This same principle is true of actual physical discipline, for those
Master/slave relationships where true discipline is involved. Suppose
that a slave could, without being bound, voluntarily withstand thirty
lashes of a whip across her back. But then suppose she was bound, arms
stretched high over head, her body naked and helpless, and her Master
begins her "test." And because she is proud, and because she wants to
provide her Master with as much pleasure as possible, she does not
actually " break" until after forty lashes, but then she begs him to
stop. If he is a true Master, and if it really brings him pleasure to
continue, he should not stop. Perhaps he should continue for another
five lashes, or maybe even ten, depending on his pleasure, of course,
but also based on the knowledge he has, through experience, of just how
much his slave can really endure, not simply what her body tells her she
can endure. There is a difference.
If the Master is wise and has been accurate in his assessment of his
slave's true stamina, the slave will realize that she actually did
endure it after all. Even more important, she will be proud that she was
able to provide her Master with that additional pleasure, and the next
time perhaps she won't beg until after fifty lashes.
But of course the Master may not stop then, either!
S/M can be the most exciting form of sexual foreplay ever experienced.
Every "Master/slave" relationship should be based on a profound and
deeply satisfying sexual relationship. Every meeting should include (and
usually conclude with) some form of sexual activity that is satisfying
to both. But that, of course, is generally true of every deep
male/female relationship.
So what makes this any different?
The difference lies in the submission of one and the dominance of the
other. That, of course, is what your own fantasies have been based on.
In effect, you say you have dreamed of " submitting" yourself to a man,
allowing yourself to be rendered helpless, so that he can "rape" you.
And that act of submission, you say, would enhance the excitement and
pleasure you would derive from the sex act. (Indeed, the truth may be
that this is the only way that you would be able to derive real pleasure
from sex.)
But if this is as far as you've gone in your fantasies, you may well be
asking yourself, "What is all the rest about?" Why does he/her talk
about prolonged sexual teasing and torture? And what about real
discipline ... actual pain, even if only at a very minor threshold
level? Would a Master really whip me? Could you really whip her?
I have no idea, but the simple fact is that all these things, carefully
selected and based on each partner's individual reaction, can be part of
what becomes a much greater and much more rewarding and much more
fulfilling sexual relationship. Sex, without some form of mutual love or
deep feelings, is of little meaning and that, in turn, requires each
partner to try to give the other as much pleasure as possible. For a
submissive that means "giving" herself to her Master, for his pleasure.
The total submission of her mind and body are her gifts to him, for him
to do with as he chooses, and he takes great pleasure in that gift.
Every Master is different, of course, but in general, takes tremendous
pleasure in imposing dominance and will upon a submissive female, both
mentally and physically. Using both her mind and body to demonstrate
power over her. Make her think and feel like she has never felt before.
Forcing her to experience the furthest extremes of sensual and physical
sensations. Making her beg to stop either the pleasure or the pain.
Best of all, the male should love watching her face and her expressions
as she realizes that, despite her pleas, he is not going to stop, at
least not right that minute. And, finally, he should love watching her
recognize his dominance over her, and then watching her resign her mind
and her body to accept the previously unacceptable ... all for his
pleasure!
Through all of this, and governing all of this, is the overriding "love"
that he should feel for her and, in turn, it is her knowledge that he
does care for her deeply, and the trust that that knowledge gives her,
that allows her to give him that marvelous gift of her mind and body.
But what about the submissive one? What pleasure does she get? Again
each is different, but there are some common denominators. First, a
"slave" must deeply trust and deeply care for her Master. She should
truly want want to give him pleasure. And so, for most slaves, the first
pleasure is the very deep pleasure derived from the act of giving ... a
very profound pleasure because the gift she gives is also profound. ....
She gives herself!
Second ( although there are some exceptions), a submissive female
usually derives tremendous intellectual, sensual, and ultimately, sexual
pleasure from the experience, assuming, of course, that the Master is
really gifted and sensitive and understanding. I assure that I have only
scratched the surface. The Master should be able to teach the slave
things about herself she had never dreamed of, exposing her to sources
of pleasure of a kind and a level and an intensity she had never
imagined!! The Master should explore every part of her mind and body,
and would ultimately discover the keys to her deepest pleasures.
It maybe strictly sensual. There may be certain special parts of her
body that, properly stimulated, turn on all her sexual senses. It may be
just the bondage and helplessness itself, together with her ability to
commit herself to it. Most submissive women derive tremendous sexual
pleasure simply from being bound. (Almost all of them become lubricated
and ready for sexual intercourse while in bondage.)
She may find pleasure in pain. And if she does, it may be just a certain
level of pain, or pain applied just to a certain part of her body. Many
submissive people derive the most intense and exquisite sexual pleasure
from the forced imposition of physical discipline, even to the point of
orgasm.
You should know that " discipline" doesn't mean simply the whip.
(Although, indeed, that phrase simply the whip" is totally misleading.
There are literally hundreds of different kinds of whips, each capable
of being used in a hundred different ways, so that in just this one
"simple" area, there are an infinite variety of ways available to a
knowledgeable Master to impose an equally infinite variety of torments.)
But there is so much, much more .... endless means, endless targets,
endless degrees. To a really imaginative and experienced Master, a
marvelous and exquisite and almost limitless choice ia available. But he
must also have the sensitivity and the understanding and, yes, the love,
to choose the right ones.
If he does, he will be successful in fulfilling his role as a Master. He
will provide pleasure for himself, of his own choosing, but he will also
provide his submissive partner either extreme pleasure or total
psychological fulfillment or, often, both, depending on her own special
nature and needs.
Then there is the whole area of submission without bondage. A true
Master, using proper training, can teach a woman to be totally
submissive without putting her in bondage. If you really have accepted a
man as your Master, you should want to totally obey him without being
"forced"
If he orders you to strip, you will strip. If he orders you to kneel,
you will kneel. If he orders you to stand before him with your legs
apart and your arms stretched high above your head, and not to move, you
will do as he orders. And if while you are standing there, he chooses to
whip you, you still will not move. And if he orders you to count the
lashes, you will count them for him.
And if he orders you to kneel, naked next to his bed while he sleeps.
and to remain there, instantly ready too serve him in any way should he
awake, you will kneel there, silent and naked and ready, and you will
stay there. And if he does not awake until morning, you will still be
there ... still kneeling .... still naked .... still ready.
But then a wise Master will order you to join him, and he will
acknowledge the great pleasure your obedience has given him, and he will
reward you with that special marvelous pleasure of your own that he
knows so well to give you.
So whats this all about? A wonderfully elaborate, infinitely varied,
terribly exciting series of scenarios, carefully and lovingly selected
and orchestrated by the Master to provide both himself and his
submissive partner with the most exquisite and profound emotional and
sexual pleasure, each scenario based on, taking advantage of, and
dramatizing the dominant nature of one and the submissive nature of the
other.
It is of course, a tremendous challenge. First, there's the challenge to
the submissive to accept and endure the torment of bondage and
discipline by which her chosen Master tests her and through out which he
realizes the most profound pleasure. (A weak or sniveling "slave"
provides little pleasure for a Master) Of course, there are limits and,
of course, they must be respected. But there will be those special times
when, after being queried by her Master, the proud submissive will take
as deep a breath as her chains will permit, look him in the eye, and in
her own special way and words say, in effect, "I'm here for your
pleasure. Please don't stop until you are totally satisfied."
That is the challenge of the body. But there is also the challenge of
the mind and the spirit. After all, a man is physically stronger than a
woman, so physical domination (in its rawest sense, at least) is easy.
But intellectually it's a different matter because in an ideal S/M
relationship, both partners should be equal in intellect, so that the
dominant and submissive roles result from conviction and choice rather
than imposition. In addition to being physically dominant, a "Master"-
while not intellectually superior, must also be intellectually dominant
... dominant by nature and spirit and will .... choosing to dominate
while the submissive chooses to understand and appreciate and ultimately
submit to that will. That is a much subtle and a far more difficult
challenge.
But you need two things:
1. A Master who really knows how to lead the slave to the far most
pleasures.
2. A submissive with the courage to take the first step to try it.
What ever the case. Take your time and go sloooow! :)
BrendaSadi
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