Learning About Love: Book 1

© Copyright 1999 - 2006 by brian618033989@yahoo.com

Version: 2003/05/26

This fictional story contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts between the characters in it. Unsafe sex practices are depicted, because it is set in a time before the killer STD AIDS; always use a condom. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. This story may only be electronically copied to free sites.

Chapter 1

      Sweet sixteen. I sure didn't feel very sweet. I guess that phrase only applies to girls.
      Sigh, another year alone. I watched the couples, that seemed to be everywhere, during the lunch hour break.
      It's only the middle of October, this Monday, and already I'm feeling left out. Come on, Ben, just ignore them, you don't even know if that's what you want.
      I was bored, because I forgot to bring the latest novel that I was reading.
      Oh well, it's only thirty more minutes, might as well people watch and daydream. Now there's a fox. Long shiny dark brown hair. Look at that mini-skirt! It was almost up to her crotch. Any shorter I would be able to see her underwear! Whew, don't stare too much, look around.
      Oh my, what a cutie. Long blond hair down to middle of the back. I really like long hair. My hair is brown, almost touching my shoulders, and cut in a shag style. It would be longer if my Dad didn't keep sending me to the barber. I looked some more. Cute dimples and full red lips, laughing at something that a friend of his was saying. My stomach did a lurch, as I thought of running up to him and kissing him.
      Reality check! You're in the middle of a crowded high-school lunch courtyard and you're lusting after a boy!
      Gee, I only lasted four minutes before getting depressed again.
      Sigh, so what if I'm attracted to him, I just want to hold someone and be held by someone.
      When I was about eleven, I started to worry about my feelings towards boys. The encyclopedia helped a lot; thanks for the "complete" edition Mom and Dad. I read every cross reference, multiple times, under the sexuality, homosexual, and other deviant sex topics. Yes, I knew something about the words homosexual and queer, which was why I was worried; I didn't want to get beat up or made fun of. What I read actually excited me though. It said that it was a normal phase for boys to have sex with other boys. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex was even possible. Wow! I tried to find other's who might be interested. No luck. And now I guess I'm past the "it's a phase" age now.
      What's wrong with me? I just want to experience sex and love, but how do I get someone to notice me. I don't think I'm ugly. Girls don't run from me. But I must not be handsome enough for them to want to make it obvious that they are interested in me. I have brown wavy hair, blue eyes, five foot ten inches, 135 pounds, so kind of skinny. I brush my teeth, use deodorant, and I only need to shave every other day. Maybe I'm so handsome that they hang back in awe. I coughed, to keep from laughing out-loud like a crazy person. Oh sure, what an ego!
      I'm tired of this ache for someone. What can I do? Let's see. I can wait for someone to notice me, but would I be interested in them? I can go after someone I'm interested in and hope that they would be interested in me. Hmm.
      Go after someone? Be rejected? Or worse be thought of as a creep!
      Or accept most anyone interested in me? I would at least experience something. If I don't like it, I could be the one doing the rejecting. Man, I can sound so cold at times, but I at least try to be honest with myself, since I have hidden so much of myself from others.
      So what will I do? Hmm, I hate the aggressive mode of going after someone. Besides the constant ache of looking at what I can't have is certainly not getting me anywhere.
      OK so, pay attention to anyone showing any kind of interest in me. I should force myself to respond to the other person, so long as there are no major problems with them. Maybe I'll see something attractive later.
      <beep> Oh, the end of period bell. Sigh, P.E. is next. What an awful time for P.E., right after lunch. More than once I've seen guys puking up their lunch after running too hard. I headed to the gym and suited up.
      The day was hot, so I left my shirt off.
      "Hi Ben," said Dave. I didn't know Dave very well. We usually just said hi and traded gripes. "Sounds like we get to do another six mile run today."
      "Oh crude, this is general phys. ed., not track!" I said. I hate the six mile runs. It uses up the whole period just jogging around in circles. The fast runners, however, get to gloat by finishing early and just sitting around for the rest of the period.
      "No kidding. I think coach just wants to kick back on this hot day, so we get to work." He paused then pointing at my chest, "What happened? That nipple is larger than the other one."
      "What?" I looked. Sure enough. But it wasn't much larger. "I never noticed. Guess I was just born that way." laughing it off. I moved to go to our assembly area. What was that about?
      Coach announced that after calisthenics, we were to run around the field for the next 40 minutes. Good, I could just jog and walk, because the distance and time would not be measured. I avoided Dave for the rest of the class. I would have never thought to look closely at other guy's chest, it would be too embarrassing, well actually stimulating, but embarrassing to get caught staring.
      The rest of the day passed quickly. Just as I exited the school grounds, I heard:
      "Hey Carter!"
      I looked back and saw Dave trotting up. "Hi Dave," I said, calling him by his first name. I hate the macho B.S. where guys only use last names.
      "What are you doing this afternoon?" he asked.
      "Just going home. I haven't really thought about it."
      "Want to come over to my house?" he asked.
      This is new, I hardly know him. The most we've ever talked was today when he made a comment about my nipple. Oh no, could it be he's interested in me! I looked at him differently. He had short brown hair, brown eyes, shorter than me, but skinny too. I wasn't attracted to him though. "Is your Mom home?" I was all of a sudden afraid to be alone with him.
      "No," he said.
      "I... can't come over." I couldn't look at him. But I would have, gone to his house, if he had answered yes.
      "Oh." He started walk off. What am I doing? He seemed interested in me, and he didn't have any negative traits. This is exactly what I said I would look for.
      "Wait a minute," I said. Trying to explain my harsh no: "My parents have a rule that a parent has to be home, when I go to a friend's house." Should I? I'll have to lie to Mom. "Ah, who cares. I'll need to call my Mom from your place. Maybe fib a little."
      Dave smiled, "It's this way, about a mile from here."
      Hmm, he does have a nice smile. His home was not quite on the way to my home, but at least it wasn't in the opposite direction.
      "Where's your Mom?" I asked. I need to think of what to say to my Mom.
      "She works the swing shift at Mercy hospital, she's a nurse."
      That doesn't help me with any excuses. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I ask.
      "I have a older brother who just started college this year. How about you?"
      "I have a sister who is a year younger than me," I replied. "When does your Dad get home from work?"
      "He doesn't live with us. They're divorced"
      "Oh. Sorry."
      "It's OK. It's been about five years and I see him about twice a week. It's just him and Mom who don't get along. It took me a while to figure that out."
      I just nodded. I didn't know what to say, because I already feel like I've gotten too personal. So I just waited for him to continue or pick another topic. We walked for a few minutes.
      "We're almost there. About five more minutes," he said, "unless you want to run?"
      I groaned and looked at him. He was grinning at my pained look. "No thanks," I said chuckling now.
      About five minutes later, he walked up to a yellow two story house. He opened the door. "Oh, it looks like my brother is home." We walked in to an off-white entry way. Stairs were ahead of us, a dining room was off the right, a living room was off to the left, and past the stairs was a hallway to some other part of the house.
      "Would you like something to drink? A beer or soda?" he asked.
      "Uh, I don't think I better have a beer! A cola would be good, thanks."
      "Yeah, I was kidding about the beer. Mom got mad when she found out I had some." He walked through the dining room and into the kitchen.
      "Hey kid," I hear some guy say. Must be his brother. I walked in and saw a large tall guy who looked like a larger Dave, but he had curly brown hair and blue eyes. "Oh, you have a new boyfriend!" he said.
      "Bob!" Dave said sharply, "shut-up, you're such a jerk." I was turning red. "This is Ben. We're in P.E. together. Ben this is my obnoxious brother Bob."
      "Hi." I said. What is going on?
      "Hi Ben. Sorry, I just like to tease Dave," Bob said grinning. "I'll see you later Dave, I'm heading back to the library to do more homework." Bob left the room.
      Dave opened the fridge and grabbed two cans of coke. "What a jerk," he said as he handed me one. "Come on, I want to change out of these school clothes and you can see my room."
      "Wait. I need to phone my Mom"
      "Oh, yeah, there's the phone." He pointed to the wall phone next to the door.
      I dialed.
      "Hi, Mom. I just wanted to let you know that I'm over at a school friend's house."
      "OK. Is someone else there with you two?" she asked.
      I thought of Dave's brother, "Yes," I said with confidence, but knowing that she meant a parent.
      "OK. You need to back around 5:30 for dinner."
      "OK. Bye Mom."
      Whew. That was easy.
      "It's this way. Come on." Dave headed back through the dining room and up the stairs.
      I followed, thinking about Dave changing. Sure, like I'd actually look, and risk getting caught. Dave turned to the first room on the right. He had some posters of rock bands. He walked to the closet and grabbed a shirt and pants. I looked around his room. There are clothes scattered on the floor. His brown dresser is piled with knick-knacks and pictures on top. The low single bed is unmade. Actually his room is smaller than mine and it has a funny sweet musty smell.
      "Would you like to look at some porn?" Dave asked. He had taken off his shirt.
      He went to the bookshelf, reached behind a bunch of books, pulled out a magazine, and handed it to me. "Wow, Penthouse," I said. Dave went back to his closet and took off his pants, reveling his white underware. I looked briefly at his smooth back and his lightly haired legs, then I quickly opened the magazine and started flipping through it. I had only seen a few older Playboy's. But this was Penthouse, and I saw that it looked much more reveling. And it was last month's issue. I sat down on his bed.
      "The center-fold is hot," Dave said as he walked over with pants on and still tucking in his shirt.
      I flipped to it, an opened it out. "Wow. This is cool. I've only looked at playboys before. They don't show them, uh, spread so much."
      "Nice looking pussy lips, huh," said Dave. "I like the way the inner lips flare out. It looks like she's ready to for a cock to push right in."
      "Really!" I replied, blushing at his comment. "I'd love to do that!" I flipped past the center-fold and looked at some more reveling pictures of the same model. "Oh," I groaned when I saw an image of her kneeling with her behind push out at the camera.
      "No kidding," said Dave. I noticed that he was rubbing his crotch. This is amazing. I imitated him, and started rubbing the front of my pants. It didn't take long for me to get hard. I adjusted myself as my dick lengthened to its full five and a half inches. Dave reached over and flipped to another set of pictures. These showed a guy on top of a woman. I couldn't see if they were actually fucking, but it was a very sensual picture. His behind was very nice too.
      "Where did you get this?"
      "My brother gives me his hand-me-downs." Dave said grinning and glancing at me rubbing myself. "Want to jerk-off?" He had a neutral face now.
      "Sure...," I hesitated. Looking back at the magazine. Dave stood up. I put the opened magazine down on the bed and stood up too.
      "OK, pull it out," said Dave, as he unzipped his pants and reached in to pull out his dick.
      I started to get nervous and I tried not to look at him by focusing on unzipping my pants and slipping my finger into the slit in my underware. I had to work to push the opening up high enough to get it over the head of my dick. It moved out onto the cool air.
      "Nice cock," said Dave, as he moved his hand up and down his dick.
      "Your's too," I replied and quickly looked back to the magazine. The skin on his shaft was loose enough so he could easily move his hand up and down. But the skin on mine is so tight that I have to have lubrication to cum. Oh well, maybe I can move my hand enough and the extra stimulation of the magazine and glancing at Dave's dick will help.
      Dave flipped to a new page. The woman was now sitting over the guy, leaning back with her huge breasts pushed out. I look between their legs. Darn, they still show that area in shadows and mostly blocked by her thigh. My eyes moved up the man's torso. Firm stomach and a really nice hairless chest with large pectoral muscles.
      "Look at those tits," said Dave.
      "Mmm," I replied after glancing back at the breasts then back at the guy's chest. I looked over at Dave and saw that he was pumping his hand fast. I started to get more nervous, because I realized that I wasn't going to be able to cum easily.
      "I'm getting close. Uh oh, I forgot a towel." he reached under the bed and pulled out a faded towel. The sweet musky smell got stronger. Oh wow, the towel must be full of his dried cum! He moved the magazine up and spread the towel out between us. Then he started stroking himself again.
      What was I going to do? I reached over and flipped to the next page. It had more pictures of the woman on top of the man.
      "Oh yeah," Dave moaned. I looked over and saw him moving his hand faster. He then pushed his hips forward, humping into his hand. I looked up and saw he had his eyes closed and his face was scrunched up. Then he let out his breath with a loud ahhh sound. His hand was a blur. Then I saw his white sperm shoot out onto the towel and the magazine. The sound he made was so exciting. Another jet of sperm spurted out. His hand was slowing as he now seemed to milk his dick. Another spurt, much less than the other two. Then another one just sort of leaked out. I look up at him when he opened his eyes.
      "Wow, that must have felt good." I said.
      He grinned. "That's for sure." He grabbed the edge of the towel and wiped the cum off of his hand and the end of his dick.
      When he was cumming, I felt almost like I could cum, but now I became self conscious again. I tried to concentrate on the magazine picture. Dave's white cum was exciting.
      "Oh yeah, go for it," Dave offered encouragement. I tried going faster. After several minutes, I could sort of tell Dave was starting to get embarrassed.
      I stopped. "I'm getting tired. But this was fun." That was for-sure. I pulled my dick back in and zipped up.
      "But you didn't cum."
      "That's OK. I'll finish at home." I grinned to let him know that I really was OK. "Well, I better get home." I quickly walked out of his room. He followed me to the front door. I opened it and looked back at him. He had a worried look. "I'll see you tomorrow in gym class," I smiled.
      "OK," he said, returning the smile.
      On my way home, I thought about what had happened. Finally, I've had a sexual experience with someone. I didn't get to touch him, but maybe I will another time. Will there be another time? I couldn't cum. I was scared that I would do something wrong. He must think I'm pretty weird. I feel a little panic. I have no idea what he thinks. Well, at least this is a change from the ache of being alone. You idiot, you only jacked-off next to each other. He was just getting-off with the magazine, not you. Maybe. But he did seem concerned about me. Sigh, I have no idea where this is going. What does he think about me? Well I'll find out tomorrow. I should be sure to talk to him, or else he'll think I didn't like what happened.
      When I got home, I still had an hour before dinner. I grabbed an old towel and went out to my bedroom. The towel was a good idea. I had been using kleenex but it was not easy to use.
      I laid down on my bed and used some hand lotion on my dick. I closed my eyes and thought back to this afternoon's experience. The look of Dave's hard dick. The pictures in the magazine. How the sperm shot out of his penis. The look on his face when he came. What if I had reached over and did it for him and he got some lubricant and rubbed me. Ah, that's it, there's the feeling. Try to remember that feeling if I do it with him again. Feel it building. Ah, the point of no return. The pleasure is so intense in my head and in my dick, then I feel the first jet of sperm jet from inside, intensifying the pleasure. I push inside to pump more sperm out; that makes each ejaculation feel more pleasurable, but still not quite as good as the first load that pumps out. Whew, that was intense! But now I feel the usual depression after cumming. For some reason, guilty for masturbating. Oh well, I know that feeling will pass.
      The next day.
      Here we go, time for gym class. I barely paid attention to my earlier classes. Now I'll find out how things are with Dave. I got suited-up quickly. When I got outside, I didn't see Dave around.
      Coach blew the whistle. "Listen up ladies. After calisthenics, we'll be playing basket ball." I saw two basket balls next to coach. "Divide your selves up into four teams. The captains are: Adams, Jones, Dixon, and McCarthy... You're late Harper."
      I looked behind me and saw Dave jogging up to the edge of the group. He didn't look for me.
      "OK, get started." yelled coach.
      We did our stretches, running in place, and jumping-jacks. Then the captains got up front and picked guys, round-robin. It was the quickest way to get evenly matched teams, because everyone pretty much knew how well others played. And as the teams grew the other members would let their captain's know who would be the best asset to pick next. I hated this "fair" process, because I was always left till the second to last round and sometimes the last round, which felt really awful, because the choices, called out to the captains, were who to avoid. Like, "Don't get stuck with Johnson!" All said loudly, so that everyone's position was clear. Dave usually gets picked picked in the middle group. Not a star, but not a screw-up. I ended up on a different team. I didn't see Dave trying to get me on his team. Oh well, why should he? The other team members would think less of him for wanting a poor player.
      It turns out he was even on a different court. As we played, I would look towards him. He didn't look at me. He did seem to be talking to Andy. And Andy started grinning and looking at me. Oh no! Is he telling Andy about what we did yesterday! I stopped looking at them and just concentrated on playing basketball.
      Coach blew the end of game whistle. "Hit the showers guys!" he yelled out.
      Dave's group jogged towards the gym. I didn't feel like running. Dave must have showered and dressed quickly, so I didn't even get to say hi to him.
      I was in a daze during my afternoon classes. I was so happy this morning, now I feel rotten. Why did Dave ignore me. Did he tell Andy? I'll just have to try to talk to him tomorrow.
      As I was walking home. Dave trots up beside me. "Hi".
      I stopped walking. "Hi Dave," I said without too much excitement.
      "Is something wrong?" he asked.
      "How come you ignored me in gym?"
      "Huh, I wasn't ignoring you. I was late and ended up in a different game than you."
      "Oh, sorry, I just thought we were becoming friends."
      "I think we are too," he replied. "Want to come over to my place again?"
      "Now?" hoping that is what he meant.
      "Sure, why not?"
      We walked to his house and talked about the basketball game we played in gym class. When we got there, no one was home. We got some sodas again went up to his room for him to change again. I sat on the edge of his bed, drinking my soda, while he changed. I only glanced at him, but I was looking more than last time. When he was dressed he walked over to the bookcase and pulled out a glossy magazine and tossed it to me. I caught it.
      "Check this out. I swiped it from my brother's room."
      The cover had a picture of a woman sucking a guy. "Wow!" I flipped it open. It looked like every page had pictures, unlike Playboy or Penthouse. "This is incredible. They show everything. Nothing is hidden by shadows."
      "I know," said Dave. "You got to see this one." He took the magazine and sat down on the bed next to me. He flipped to somewhere near the middle and stopped on a page showing a woman laying back on a man who had his dick way up into her widely spread legs.
      "Oh, that is so hot!" I had never seen a close up of anything like this. I saw Dave adjust himself.
      "Want to... you know."
      "Sure," I replied. And we both unzipped, pulled out our boners and started moving our hands up and down.
      "Think you'll be able to come this time?" Dave asked.
      "Uh, yeah." I was embarrassed that he brought it up and looked away from Dave.
      "Sorry... I shouldn't have said anything. I just want you to have fun."
      "Thanks. That was my first time in front of anyone, so I guess I was nervous."
      "No kidding? Really?"
      I nodded.
      We went back to looking at the magazine. Dave made remarks at every picture where a guy was getting a blow-job.
      "That looks like it would feel really good. Oh man, I can't wait for that to happen to me someday."
      I looked at his dick. It had a nice pink top. I liked the way it flared out at the head. It was much more exciting to look at then the pictures. But it had some clear liquid leaking out of the slit. What was that? Then I remembered from the encyclopedia. The cowper gland, I think it was called, produced some lubricating fluid, but it was often not very much. I usually only see a drop form when I've jacked-off. I licked my lips. Dave saw me looking at his dick. He grinned.
      "You know... " he hesitated "uh, if you suck me, I'll suck you." He had a worried look.
      "Uh, I don't know. Are you sure?"
      "Sure. We can start slow. I'll lick your's then you can lick mine. OK?" he looked at me carefully.
      He leaned down and his tongue licked around the head of my dick. I gasped at the sensation. He sat up quickly and looked at my reaction.
      "That felt great," I said. He smiled back. I leaned down to lick the head of his penis. I went for the top of the mushroom part, so that I wouldn't lick the clear stuff. He jerked up and I then licked over the slit and into the clear stuff. It didn't seem to have any taste, so I licked more of it up. Then I slide my lips over the whole head. I didn't open wide enough.
      "Watch the teeth," Dave gasped. "Your mouth feels so good. Can you get more in?" He had let go of his penis, so I reached over and put my hand around him. It was so warm. I felt it throb and the head seemed to grow in my mouth. I moved down and he groaned. I wiggled my tongue over the head. He thrust up. I was glad my hand was on him to prevent him from going in too much more. I moved off of him.
      "Wow. That felt so good." He looked at me grinning at him. "Oh, your turn." He looked disappointed. "I know lets lay down on the bed on our sides and we can do each other at the same time."
      "OK." I let go of his dick and he scooted back and laid on his side with his head at the foot of the bed. I scooted down to line my dick up with his mouth.
      He took a hold of it and started licking the head.
      Wow, I want to suck him some more now! I laid down and repeated Dave's actions, by licking all around the mushroom head.
      He went down on me more. His mouth was hot and slippery.
      I moved down on him and started moving my head up and down.
      He started doing that to me.
      I could feel my orgasm building already.
      He started pushing his dick in and out of my mouth.
      I tried to match his rhythm. Wait a minute, what if he cumms do I want that? I'd tasted my semen. It was really bitter. But if I do, maybe he'll swallow mine too. Then I realized that I really did want to feel his sperm shoot into my mouth. It would be like feeling his orgasm at it's peak, and it was my mouth that caused his sperm to spurt out. I reached down with my free hand and cupped and massaged his balls through his pants.
      He moaned.
      I also started to move my hand on his hard penis, up and down in rhythm to my mouth. I felt his penis swell more. Then it got really hard in my hand. He jerked forward, then my mouth was really wet, full of lots of warm fluid. I tasted it. It was salty and a little bitter. I started to gag, but I pulled back only enough so that I could easily swallow. I kept pumping on him. The next spurt came out and I quickly swallowed it so that I wouldn't have to taste it. Oh this feels so good. I felt my moment-of-no-return approach. I concentrated on Dave's mouth sucking and licking me. I felt the first jet of sperm shoot out and into his mouth. Just then another smaller amount of sperm came out of him. Now I let it stay in my mouth, trying to taste him more. The orgasm wave made me shake with chills as I pushed to squirt more of my semen into Dave's mouth. He kept sucking. He seemed to be done and pulling back a little. He must be real sensitive right now. I just held my mouth still on the head of his dick, while I humped and squirted out three more smaller amounts of sperm. Dave kept going. Owww, that's getting too sensitive now, so I pulled back. Dave moved off of me. So I let go of his dick too.
      "Oh wow, that was so intense. You really know how to suck cock Ben!"
      "You were really good too Dave." We had both rolled over to our backs.
      "Ahh.." This sure beats jacking-off at home. Home! "Oh no, I forgot to call home!" What should I do? What will I say? I quickly got zipped up. What time is it? How much trouble will I be in? I looked at my watch. Four-thirty. Not too bad, but it's a half hour walk home. I better call now. That might lessen what ever punishment they come up with.
      "I think I better call my Mom now. I might not get in as much trouble then. On the other hand, it might give Mom more time to rehearse what she's going to say to me, when I get home." I shrugged. Dave nodded and gave me a sympathetic look.
      I went down to the kitchen phone and dialed our number.
      "Hello," Mom said.
      "Hi Mom"
      "Ben! Where are you?"
      "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I'm at Dave's house again and I just forgot. Sorry." I tried to sound sorry, but I must have sounded scared.
      "I was just worried. It's OK now. Are you coming home now, it's almost dinner time," she asked.
      Whew, I lucked out. "Yes I'm leaving now. It's about a half hour walk from here."
      "OK, see you then. Bye."
      "I really lucked out. She was worried, but not mad."
      "Sounds like a cool Mom," Dave said.
      "Yeah, they're pretty strict sometimes though. Maybe she's happy I've got a friend.
      "Well, I better get going." I moved towards him to hug him goodbye. He started to back up, but I already had my arms around him. He hesitated, then patted my back. He felt tense. I let go. He had a surprised look on his face, like he was embarrassed. This is weird.
      "I'll see you," I said as I turned to walk to the front door.
      "Sure will, bye," he called out.
      I got outside, and started walking home. What was wrong? I thought things were going great with Dave and me. Why did he not hug back? We sucked each other. Heck, we swallowed each other's cum, but he doesn't want to hug me? Maybe he regrets what we did. Kind of like how I get depressed after jacking-off. I felt an ache of loss. I hope not. I want to do it again. The feeling of giving him an orgasm felt so good. The taste of cum was pretty bad though.
      Maybe I can figure out a way of making it taste better. Hmm, chocolate covered penis. Hee, hee. Hmm, I had read that semen was 'basic' to counteract the acidic environment in the vagina, so that the sperm would not be killed off. Let's see, a base and acid make salts when they mix and that wouldn't taste too good. Maybe the mouth is acidic. I'll need to find my litmus papers to test that when I get home. So if it is acidic, what can be done? If the mouth could be made basic, no salt would be produced. So I could try rinsing my mouth with a baking-soda solution. But maybe it's not the salt that makes cum taste bad. Sigh, it might be a while before I can try it with Dave. What a minute, I can try my own semen, though I have usually not been too interested in that after cumming. Am I a pervert, a sex deviant? Liking guys certainly is not normal. Maybe all my wanting to experiment and experience sex is not normal either.
      The normal mode for guys seems to be: do anything, and say anything to get their dick in a pussy, while trying to at least appear sincere and polite enough, so that they can come back for more.
      That is revolting.
      I've seen other guys do it, and I've felt myself wanting to go that route. But it's dishonest and it has an aggressive element of seduction and conquest that I just can't... Sigh, I can't think of the word for the feeling. I just can't push myself onto someone who doesn't want me. I want to be wanted. A girl can show that she wants a guy by allowing him to fuck her. A guy can show he wants a girl by fucking her. No, that doesn't sound right. Maybe the guy shows he's interested by being willing to wait till the girl says she wants it.
      Hmm. Do I want a guy to fuck me? Yes, very much. Do I want to be a girl? No way! But I think I see the dilemma that girls face, and why they don't offer easier access--they somehow know that most guys will put their dick anywhere it feels good, completely independent of who they really want.
      There's that ache again. What is that? A longing to be fucked, or to be loved? I'm almost home and thinking doesn't seem to be helping. Things are getting more confusing. Oh well, at least I can try the base/acid cum experiment.
      As for what's going on with Dave, I'll just have to see. Will I go all the way with Dave to see what he really wants? Sure, why not. I'm not a girl, and I want to see what it feels like.

Chapter 2

      I was sitting in the lunch courtyard again. How different this Monday is from last Monday. I'm not depressed. A little anxious maybe, because I still don't know how far things will go with Dave. After that wonderful afternoon giving each other blow-jobs, Dave was taking to me in P.E.. I was afraid he would avoid me again. We both agreed to not get together for a few days, so that we could catch up on our homework.
      At the end of the day on Friday, it occurred to me that we could have met during the weekend, but I didn't have his phone number.
      I did get to try the base/acid cum experiment on Saturday. I found the litmus paper in my chemistry set, buried in my closet. When I put the blue one in some spit on my tongue, it turned pink. So I was right, the mouth was acidic. Part two was going to take longer, but it has a nice reward. I found a plastic cup to squirt into. Boy, that part was tricky--trying to aim while cumming. When I put the red litmus paper in the thick white cum, it turned bright blue. I didn't want to do the next step. But I forced myself, because I would kick myself for not doing it, when I got horny later. I took a mouth full of baking soda in water (2 teaspoons, mixed in a half cup of water). I swished it around and spit it back into the glass. OK, do it quick. I pored the cum into my mouth. It wasn't as thick or warm anymore. Well it did seem a little more bland, but its flavor wasn't good enough for me to want more. However, the thought of where it came from, and what I needed to do, to get it, was still more than enough incentive.
      There's the bell. Time for P.E. I sure hope Dave will want me over today. I got suited up quickly. Dave was already out in the yard. He waved to me. I waved back and we stood aside from the group. We had about 5 minutes.
      "Hi Dave. How was your weekend?" I asked.
      "A little boring"
      "Mine too."
      Now what can I say? What do you want to do? What are we going to do in P.E. today? Would you like me to come over to your house and suck your dick? Ah, I got it!
      "I got caught up with my homework. How about you?" I asked, since that was the main reason we didn't get together for several days.
      "Yeah, I'm mostly caught up." He looked away. Darn, he didn't get the implication, or else it was too subtle. I'll take a chance.
      "So are you free this afternoon... I could come over."
      "Sure." He looked at me grinning. "That would be fun."
      "Great! I rode my bike today, so maybe I can stay a little longer."
      "Cool. We can meet at the Park View gate."
      Coach arrived and blew his whistle. Darn, he has footballs. I don't know which is worse, running or team games. Running is physically uncomfortable. While team sports are emotionally uncomfortable, since I'm not very good.
      "Maybe we'll be on opposite teams and I'll get to tackle you," he said.
      "Dream on, you know we only play touch football. And you know for short distances that I'm faster than you."
      "I'll get your balls later," he replied. I groaned at the bad joke. It barely related to anything. Dave's kind of strange sometimes. I walked to join the class. I looked back grinning and saw he was smiling back too.
      The rest of the day was typical. I day-dreamed about meeting Dave after school. I thought back to the football game. We were on opposite teams and his team was "skins" and we were "shirts." So I got to see him running around with his shirt off. He knew I was looking, because one time while standing around waiting for the sides to regroup, he took a "Superman" pose--feet apart hands on hips, puffed up his chest, and gave me a hard stare. My jaw dropped and I turned away. I glanced back and saw he was laughing at my reaction. I tried not to look at him so much after that.
      After classes, I unlocked my bike and rode over to our meeting spot. He showed up about two minutes later. I walked with him to his house. We followed the same pattern as the other two times, by first going to the kitchen for some sodas. I called Mom and told her where I was. She said to be home by five. All-right, that gave us about an hour and a half. We almost raced up the stairs to his bedroom.
      "Got any new magazines?" I asked.
      "Oh, yeah! I've got a really hot one. Two guys in a woman at the same time!"
      "Your kidding!" I wasn't quite sure how that was possible. Dave had taken off his shirt. I felt daring, "Why don't you leave your shirt off."
      "You perv. I saw you looking at me," he said grinning. "What about my pants?"
      "Oh, I'm sure you don't need those either." I couldn't believe I was talking this way. He kicked off his shoes, then took his pants off. He has nice lightly haired legs. He came up to me. I was sitting on the edge of his low bed, so his belly button was level with my nose.
      "You can take my underware off," he almost demanded.
      Oh! He want's to be in charge. With both hands I pulled the waist band down while pulling the front out to go over his obvious boner. He stepped out of his underware and stepped closer to me, between my legs. I looked up at him and smiled. He had a sort of worried smile on his face. I reached up and cupped his balls with my left hand and I held his hard-on with my right hand near the base of his dick, because I didn't want to block the view of the top of his dick, which looked so hot. I moved my right hand up and down a little. A little clear drop of pre-cum was was appearing. I moved forward to lick the head of him. He pushed forward, so I opened my mouth wide and sucked the whole head in. He groaned and put his hands on my shoulders and started to hump into my mouth. Wait a minute! I pulled back off his dick.
      "What about me?" I said. He was frowning, because I had stopped. Then he smiled.
      "Sure! Get undressed." He turned around and went to close the door.
      I looked at his nice buns. I started to get undressed quickly. He turned around and walked to the bookshelf. I watched his erection waving around while he walked. He pulled a magazine out from behind the books. I had finished undressing. He sat down on the bed next to me and opened up the magazine.
      "What do you mean two guys in a woman? How could they both fit in her pussy?" I asked.
      "No, that's not what they do. Here look." He flipped past the first pages, which showed what I was now seeing was a usual pattern. Undress, fondle, suck, fuck, show the cum, then the smiles afterwards. He got to the a page where the woman was laying with her back to the man and his his cock was up in her.
      Wait a minute, "he's up her ass!" I exclaimed. "Is that right?"
      "That's right. Now the other guy will put his in her pussy. See," he had flipped to the next page showing what he said. Things looked pretty crowded, but I could see the two dicks in her.
      "Wow! That must really hurt or feel really good." I read that the two guys could feel each others throbbing cocks. "Do you think that's true?" I asked as I pointed to the words.
      "Probably, since there isn't much space between the back and the front. As for it hurting. It doesn't look like it does. He flipped to another page where she had a relaxed expression on her face.
      "I don't know. I tried a cock shaped piece of wood in me, and it hurt like hell when I first did it," I said.
      "You did what!" He looked at me like I was crazy.
      Oh, shit! Why did I say that! "I, well, I just wondered what it would feel like." I looked down.
      "I would think wood would hurt."
      "Oh, I had carved and and sanded the wood so it was round and blunt on the top. Then I used polyethylene to coat it so it was smooth. I also used a lot of vasoline. But it still really hurt when I first put it in." I stopped.
      He just looked at me surprised, jaw open. "Wow," he whispered. "What about later?" he prompted. "This is amazing."
      "Well, I learned to push out like I was going to the bathroom. It didn't hurt, but it also didn't feel too good either, because it felt like I needed to go to the bathroom really bad. It was just an experiment... I only tried it one other time. It just wasn't very stimulating."
      "Wow." he glanced at the magazine. Then he gives me a shy look with a small smile. "Maybe, it would be different with a real cock."
      I didn't believe it would be this easy. But I don't want him to think that I want to try it bad. "Well... uh, maybe."
      "I'll pull out if it hurts," he said with a look of concern. But he was turning more towards me, so I knew he was really interested in doing it.
      "You promise?"
      "Sure. We could go back to sucking if you don't like it."
      "Yuck, you'd have wash yourself then."
      "No kidding," he said laughing.
      Hmm, I noticed that he wasn't offering his ass to me. "Do you have any vasoline?"
      He leaped up. "I'll look in the bathroom." And he went out.
      What have I started here? He better pull out if it hurts, because it really hurt bad that first time. I thought I had pushed the wooden dick in real slow, so I was shocked that it hurt so much. Now I was getting nervous and loosing my erection. OK, just remember to relax and push out so that he'll go in easier. It sounded backwards, but it should work.
      Dave came back in with a plastic jar of vasoline. "Got it!"
      I stood up. My dick was not pointing straight up like before, but it was still hard. He glanced at my dick. "You still want to do it?"
      "Oh, sure!" I tried to sound confident.
      Dave pulled back the covers on the bed. "How do you want to do this?"
      "Eh... Oh, what position?" I said. Hmm, I don't what him to see my face grimacing when we start and I'm embarrassed by my limp dick. So that means he'll be behind me. Let's see there's laying down, kneeling, or standing. Yuck, to standing. I'd like laying down, but how could I get him out of me quickly in that position. "I guess we could try it kneeling." I crawled onto the bed and faced away from him as he got behind me. I took a deep breath to calm down.
      Dave opened the jar and put a lot of vasoline on himself. I grinned at him as he stroked himself to get harder. I reached in the jar and scooped up a large glob to put on my hole. There was no way that I wanted any friction there.
      Dave handed me a towel to wipe my hand off. "Are you ready?" He asked.
      "OK." I kneeled down with the palms of my hands on the bed. Dave scooted up between my legs.
      "Go real slow at the start. I'll let you know if it hurts."
      "I'm sure you will!"
      "You might have to pull out at the start, but we can try again," I said. Mostly because I didn't want him to think he had only one shot, and keep pushing in.
      "OK, I promise." He scooted closer.
      I had to spread my legs more. He put his hand on top of my left hip. Then I felt the head of his cock slide between my checks. Whew, this is it. He pushed forward but he slid down too low. I leaned down some. "Uh, it's up higher."
      "OK" He pulled away. "I see." And he moved forward again and he held his dick up to my hole. I leaned down more to line myself up with him and I leaned back some. Oh, yeah don't forget to push out. I felt him start to slid in, then pop the head went quickly in!
      "Ouch! Pull it out!" I pulled forward to get away from him. The pain was very sharp.
      "Sorry," he said and he pulled out.
      Damn, I really want this. Why does it have to hurt. Calm down, you just have to relax. I took a deep breath.
      "You OK?" he asked.
      "Yeah. It doesn't hurt now. Try again. Even slower."
      "I didn't mean for it to go in so fast. It just sort of slipped in."
      "That's OK. We'll get it." I felt him push forward again. This time when I felt him start to slip in, I moved forward a bit to help slow the entry. He didn't just pop in now, but I could tell the head was in me.
      "It doesn't hurt this time. Try going in a little more."
      "This feels so good, Ben." He pushed forward some and I pushed back onto his hard penis. I felt a chill of pleasure. Wow, he's in me!
      "Ouch! Wait a moment" I could feel some pain deep inside. I was now on my elbows. I pushed back some more. The pain went away. "It feels OK now," I said.
      "I'm all the way in. This feels so good. It's hotter than your mouth. I mean the heat."
      "You feel nice and warm in me too, Dave."
      "Can I try going in and out?"
      "OK, take it slow though."
      He pulled back a bit then pushed in deep. Oh, that felt good. He did that a few more times and started to pull out further each time. "Is that OK?"
      "Yes, it feels good." My arms were getting tired and I wanted to lay down.
      "Let's try it laying down, my arms are getting tired."
      "OK," he said as he started to pull out.
      "No, you can stay there. I'll just lay down."
      He pushed back in deep and I slide my legs down. He went forward and laid down on my back. He felt so warm. I realized that I was cool from sweating. He pushed in and out a bit, while we got aligned with the new position.
      "How's that?" he asked.
      "It still feels good. Go ahead and fuck me some more."
      He move in and out more firmly now. I felt him pull out further and slide in faster. A wave of pleasure was starting between my shoulder blades and I felt my face flush.
      "Oh, Dave your cock feels wonderful," I gasped out.
      Now he really started humping. I felt his shaft sliding at the entrance of my hole. That's where the most pleasure was coming from. I tensed up with the feeling. Dave stopped moving and lifted himself off of me a little, probably to look at my face.
      "Are you OK?" he asked. I had my eyes closed tight and it probably looked like I was in pain.
      "Oh yes, you feel so good. You don't need to stop." Please keep fucking me, I wanted to say.
      He laid back down on me and started humping again. I then noticed the feel of his chest on my back. He was sweating with his exertion. Then I focused on his penis in me. He was moving faster and he was starting to tense up on my back. Another wave of pleasure was building. It felt like heat, but it also felt like chills, which made me whole body tremble. I held my breath and tensed up more to intensify the feeling. Then a feeling of pure pleasure took over. A kind of roaring sound filled my ears, light flashed in my tightly closed eyes, and my whole body was shaking. This is like an orgasm. No, it was more intense. It started to subside and I breathed out with a moan. Dave paused.
      "Please don't stop," I almost hissed. "Keep going. Shoot your cum inside me." Now he really started humping into me. It hurt a little but I concentrated on his body sliding over my back, which was slick with our sweat. Another pleasure wave hit. It was as strong as the last one! The most intense part passed. Wait a minute, I'm not even hard. I don't think I've cum.. Is something wrong? I tensed up with fear. I started crying. Dave is going to think I'm nuts.
      Dave started thrusting into me very hard and deep. He must be cumming. His full weight was on me and I could feel his hips pushing hard into my butt to get in as deep as he could. I stopped crying and felt a nice glow, while I felt him tense up on top of me. Then he relaxed completely. Ah this felt so good. I felt a small wave of pleasure. Should I try to intensify it. I tensed up and it did get stronger. My body quivered.
      "You OK?" Dave asked.
      "Oh yeah," I partially gasped. "This was so intense."
      "Cool. I never realized fucking would feel so good," he said.
      "Me neither!"
      Dave backed off of me, pulling out, and he rolled over onto his back beside me. Oh, I was getting used to the feeling of him in there. My ass was still sort of tingling from the being fucked. Ah, I'll call that the 'well fucked feeling.' I fell asleep.
      When I woke up, it was dark. I turned on my side to face Dave. He was laying on his back with his arms behind his head and his eyes closed. He had a smile on his face. Wow, if he can keep doing this, I really could fall for him. I reached over and put my arm across his chest.
      "What," he jumped startled. "Oh. Man that was great," he said as he slide off the bed and out from under my arm. "I need to go piss."
      I nodded, and grinned. But inside I was disappointed that he didn't want to cuddle. Actually I just wanted to feel his body on mine again.
      Then I had a stab of fear. What's wrong? Oh no, it's dark! It gets dark around five PM, which is when I was supposed to be home. What time is it? I look at my watch, but it's too dark to see. I got up, grabbed the towel and wiped between my legs, while looking for a light. Ah, there's a light switch. I walked over to it and flipped it on. Six thirty! We must have slept for about two hours. Let's see dinner is at six. Should I call? Hmm, it'll take ten minutes to get home by bike. If I leave now, I should be home by around six forty-five. Great! Almost two hours after I was supposed to be home.
      I started to get dressed fast. I was putting on me shoes when Dave came back.
      "Wow, you dressed fast."
      "Do you know what time it is? It's six thirty! I'm really late!"
      Dave just looked at me.
      "I've never been this late. I've never been grounded before." I need to think of an excuse.
      Dave still just looked at me. Why does that bother me? What should he do?
      "Well, I have to go. See you tomorrow." I walked towards him to hug him, but he side stepped me. Then he took my hand in a hand shake and his other hand squeezed my shoulder.
      "It'll be OK. Maybe they'll be happy you're OK, like last time," he said grinning.
      I nodded, forcing myself to grin. "See you tomorrow. I'll let you know what happens." He let go of me and I turned to go. I ran down the steps, and was outside to my bike so fast, I hardly remembered how I got there. I felt terrible. An ache of loss. I unlocked my bike and started riding home.
      An ache of loss? Why? We had the most intense sex ever and I feel terrible now. I remembered the feeling of pleasure. Ah, my ass still has that well fucked feeling. But I didn't shoot. I don't even feel the need to. I feel completely satisfied sexually. Maybe it's the usual depression I feel after cumming? But I felt great after we were done. Could it be because my parents might ground me, so I wouldn't get to see him for a while? Hmm, that isn't it.
      Was it something he said? Well we talked mostly about sex. Nothing wrong there. I felt OK until I woke up and realize that I was late. So it must be my fear of facing my angry parents. What will I say? Hmm, let's see. We did some homework--its got to sound like we were doing something useful. Then we watched some TV. We started watching a movie and didn't pay attention to the time. What was the movie? Hmm, got to pick something that I know that could have been on in the late afternoon. Ah, a silly B movie, Creature From the Black Lagoon, uh, on a cable channel. For not getting into trouble much, I sure can come up with a lie pretty quick. I'll still get in trouble for being irresponsible, but that would be better than telling the truth!
      The ache is still there. What is it? I'll see Dave tomorrow. Am I afraid that he'll not talk to me again, like the first time? That didn't seem too likely. I stopped at a red light waiting for it to turn. Home is three more minutes from here. Maybe it was because I left so quick. I was ranting about my parents, gave him a hug and ran out. Huh? I didn't hug him. My eyes started to water. He sort of prevented me from hugging him. The light turned green. I shakily got going again. But why didn't he want to hug me? Sigh, I'll have to think about this later. I need to pull myself together for the riot act when I get home. The only thing I could think of is to ask Dave what is going on?
      I rode my bike up to our house and parked it in my room. I combed my hair and went to the front door. Deep breath. Here goes. I walked in and saw they were finishing dinner.
      "There you are! Where have you been?"
      "I was at Dave's house. We didn't notice the time until six thirty, or I would have called."
      "What were you doing?"
      "We did some homework, then we watched TV. We got to watching a movie, so that's were the time went."
      "We were worried. We don't have Dave's number, so we couldn't find out if you were still there."
      "Actually I don't have his number either."
      "Well you'll have to get it, before you go over there next time."
      "Have you eaten?"
      "Well, have a seat." Mom filled my plate with food.
      I started to eat. My sister was smirking at me. Ol' goodie-two-shoes, for once got in trouble. She was the one who was usually getting yelled at for coming home late. My parents went out of the room. I heard them talking, but couldn't make out their words. They were probably discussing my punishment.
      "So what were you really doing?" she whispered.
      "Just what I said."
      "Oh come on."
      "No really. It was a dumb movie, Creature from the Black Lagoon, but it was so dumb, it was funny."
      She shook her head. "That's so boring," she muttered as she got up to go watch TV.
      Inside I was chuckling. It worked!
      Mom came back to clear the table.
      "Why don't you invite Dave over here next time. I'd like to meet him," she said.
      Panic. Where did that come from? "OK... I'll ask him. His house is closer to the school though."
      "Does he have a bike?"
      "I don't know. Maybe."
      "Why don't you invite him to come over tomorrow. I can drive him back home if it's too far for him to walk." She's pressing. What can I say?
      "OK. I'll ask him," I said trying to not sound too hopeful.
      "Well, I'd like to meet him before you go over to his place again, OK?" Gulp, she closed the noose.
      "OK," I said firmly, so that she wouldn't press anymore.
      She smiled at me. What is going on? I didn't get in trouble, but I can tell she's upset about me not calling and being late. And she was really insistent about meeting Dave. She can't suspect, can she? I hardly talk about him.
      The next day, I couldn't wait till gym class. The whole morning seemed to drag. During lunch, I wondered why I never saw Dave around at lunch. Maybe he eats in the cafeteria. Or maybe he just hangs out somewhere else on campus. I met Dave outside before class got started. He was sort of beaming at me when I walked up.
      "Hi Dave."
      "Hi Ben. How'd things go with your parents?"
      "They only chewed me out a little. Nothing else." Well not quite true.
      "That's amazing."
      "So when do you want to get together again?" he asked, with huge grin. He had stressed the word 'together.'
      I rolled my eyes, "You're horny already?" I whispered.
      Coach blew his whistle. The class all assembled together. We found out that it was another running day. Sigh, I guess this is going to be a habit; one day of running every week. After our stretching we started running around the fields. Dave and I jogged by each other. When there was no one around us, we could talk again.
      "So when?" Dave asked.
      I laughed at him. "You must really like it?"
      "You've got the best ass around," he whispered.
      "Oh, you've had others?"
      He gave me a shocked look. "Uh, actually, that's the first time I've ever done that." He looked embarrassed.
      "Well there is a problem," I said. I was starting to get winded, so I paused.
      "Are you OK? I didn't..."
      "No that area's OK. Though now that you mention it, it is a little tender.
      "The problem is, my mother said I can only see you again, after she meets you." There it is. How much do you want me Dave?
      "Did she say why?"
      "No. I think that she just wants to see who is making me late coming home."
      Dave didn't say anything. We just jogged for a while. What is he thinking about?
      "You can come over to my house. Today if you want," I said.
      "Oh. That would be cool," he said grinning at me.
      "Do you have a bike?"
      "Good. I'll give you my address after class. Then you can come over. How about around four o'clock?"
      "Sure. That'll give me time to get changed."
      We spent the rest of the period jogging around in silence. I thought, again, about him not wanting to hug me. It didn't seem like a good time to bring that up. I'll ask him later.
      After class, I wrote my address and some short directions to my house, on some notepaper. I looked for him in the locker room. No sign of him, so I went outside. There he was.
      "Here's my address," I said as I handed him the note. He took it and read it.
      "Looks pretty easy to find. So I'll see you at four today."
      "OK bye." And I went off to my next class.

      After school, when I got home, I told Mom that Dave was coming over around four o'clock. She looked pleased.
      I had about half an hour to wait. I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. Nothing interested me, so I turned it off. I went to the stereo and flipped through the records. Nothing interested me there either. I grabbed a magazine on the coffee table and sat down, and sat down flipping through it. Then I glanced up and sat that Mom was just sitting at the dining room table watching me. I tried to ignore her, but I couldn't concentrate on the magazine either, so I got up and went to the bathroom. I might as well make sure I'm empty. We might have some time alone. Sex sure is messy. We needed a towel to cleanup, the cum, the vasoline, and maybe some poop, yuck. It's really kind of embarrassing, even just thinking about the perpetration before and the cleanup afterwards. But the middle part makes it worth it. I wonder if sex is messy with girls too? Hmm, I'm not grossed out that pee comes out of my penis, so I guess I shouldn't be grossed out by what comes out the other end.
      I wonder how Dave and I can be alone. Maybe I can use the excuse of showing him one of my hobbies to get him in my room. I finished in the bathroom and went back to my chair to read the magazine. I wasn't fidgeting now.
      <knock> <knock>. There he is. I leaped up to get the door. When I opened it, there he was smiling.
      "Hi Dave."
      "Hi Ben."
      "Come on in. Did you have trouble finding our house?"
      "Nope. It was easy."
      Mom came into the room.
      "Hi you must be Dave." She walked up to him an shook his hand. "It's good to meet you."
      "Nice to meet you too Mrs. Carter."
      "Would you two like a snack?" she asked.
      "Sure," we both said at the same time.
      We followed her into the kitchen. She had a plate full of cookies. "Would you like something to drink Dave? We have milk, orange juice, and some coke."
      "I would like some milk," Dave said.
      "Me too," I said. I grabbed the plate of cookies off of the counter and carried them to the dining room table and we sat down.
      Mom brought our milks over to us. "So Dave, what do your parents do?" she asked.
      Uh oh, quiz time.
      "My Mom is a nurse at Mercy and my Dad is an airline pilot."
      "Really," I piped in, "I didn't know that.
      Mom glanced at me.
      "I don't see my Dad much, because my parents are divorced and I live with my Mom."
      "Do you have any hobbies?" she asked.
      "Only music. I like playing the trumpet."
      "Wow, I didn't know that. How long have you been playing?" I asked.
      "Oh about five years. I practice with the orchestra during most of the lunch period."
      "Ah, that's were you go during lunch," I said. Mom is looking at me with a kind of funny surprised look. What have I said? I couldn't think of any reason why she's looking at me. Dave drank some milk.
      "So what do you want to do Ben?" Dave asked after he put down his glass.
      "Oh, I can show you my models. I'm putting together a Klingon battle cruiser. We can play with my hamster too. But he mostly just tries to get away.
      "That would be neat. I didn't know you had a hamster. I've never held one before."
      "OK, you two have fun. I've got to finish the dishes and get dinner going," Mom said. "Would you like to stay for dinner Dave?"
      "No thanks. My Mom's already made my dinner for when I get home," he answered.
      "She's not home?" Mom asked.
      Oh no, Dave, Dave, please don't say too much!
      "Not tonight. She works the swing shift tonight."
      "Does she work that shift often?"
      I coughed so Dave would look at me. When he did, I gave a small shake of my head at him. Mom was still looking at him.
      "Actually she works the grave-yard shift a lot, so I don't see her in the morning then," he replied. Whew! He understood!
      "Must get kind of lonely," she said.
      "Yeah, sometimes," he replied.
      She nodded sympathetically at him. "Well back to work for me." She turned and went back to the Kitchen.
      "Ready to go?" I asked Dave.
      "Grab another cookie if you want," I said as I grabbed one. It's not often that I get cookies before dinner. I lead the way out the front door and across the breeze-way to my room in the garage.
      "Wow, your room is out here!" Dave said.
      "Yup. Here's the door to the garage." I opened up the door from my room that lead into the garage.
      "It's kind of private, expect during the day when my Mom, Dad, or my sister cut through my room to get to the garage." I closed the garage door and walked over to my desk.
      "Well, here's what I've been working on." I said, as I showed him the Klingon battle cruiser.
      "I used a dentist drill to make tiny holes for most of the windows. The hard part was positioning the flashlight bulb and batteries."
      "Wow, that's cool!" Dave said.
      I felt his warm body next to me, so I flat-out asked, "So, would you like to play around again?"
      "Sure! But do we have enough time?"
      "We have at least an hour," I said.
      "What if someone wants to get into the garage?"
      "That's usually on the weekends. My Mom's the only one home now, and she said she was going to be busy," I replied. I was trying to convince myself too that we could do it.
      "Do you want to do what we did yesterday?" he asked.
      Oh do I! It seems like that's all I've been thinking about. "Sure we can do that," I said. Strange that I can't tell him how bad I want him. I went over to the door and locked it. Dave was getting undressed. He had his shirt unbuttoned and his shoes off. I reached into the back of the closet and got the towel and jar of vasoline, that I had hidden there when I got home.
      "Do you have any magazines?" Dave asked.
      "Sorry. No. Do you really need one?"
      "No this is much more exciting," he said. He was taking off his pants. I had better hurry to catch up. He took his underware off and sat on the edge of the bed to watch me finish undressing. His dick was not completely hard. I faced him when I took my pants off. When I bent over, to step out of the last leg, I reached forward to hold his dick, while I leaned down more to take it in my mouth. He got completely hard almost right away.
      "Wow, that feels good."
      I stopped and took off my socks and underware.
      "OK, let's pull the covers down." Dave got up while I pulled the covers down.
      "Brrr, it's chilly in here. Maybe we'll pull them over us when we get in," I said. I climbed onto my bed and laid face down, but a little on my side. I looked at Dave. He was looking around.
      "Where's the vasoline?" he asked.
      "Oh it must be under the covers. Find the towel too."
      "Got it."
      "Do you want to start like last time?" he asked.
      "If you want to, but I like it with you laying on me."
      "Fine with me," he said. He opened the jar and spread it over his boner. I was nervous. Got to relax. Remember how good it will feel. I took a glob of vasoline and spread it around my crack. Dave got between my legs, kneeling over my back.
      "Yes, just go slow at the start."
      I felt the head of his cock move between my cheeks. I moved my left leg up some more, so he would have easier access. He reached down to guide his cock. He moved it up and down.
      "Tell me when I'm on the spot. I can't seem to feel the entrance."
      "Oh, it's up a little. That's it."
      "Ah, now I know what to feel for." I felt him push forward right on my ass-hole. I pushed out to relax. His cock started to slide in, so I tried pushing out hard to see if that would prevent the pain. He popped in.
      "Ouch," I said. "Just stay still a moment." I tilted up my hips to change the angle some. It started to feel better. Then I noticed my ass muscles relaxing sort of by themselves.
      "OK, try going in some more," I said. He let go of his cock and pushed in. "Mmm that feels good." It doesn't hurt. I think he is all the way in now. He laid down on my back and started some slow humping motions.
      "Ah, your cock feels so good in me."
      "Your ass feels so hot." he moved faster.
      There's a hint of the feeling from yesterday. I pushed back at him, hoping he would hump me faster. He did. I tried to concentrate on all the different feelings. The feel of his cock rubbing in and out of my ass. The feel of his chest on my back, his weight on me, and his warmth. It feels like he's going faster and faster. The bed is creaking. Just ignore it. Concentrate. Oh I hope he doesn't cum too soon. I focused on the feeling in my ass. I felt the heat start to build in my face an move down my shoulders and into the back of my neck. I felt Dave's body stiffen up on my back. He pushed in as deep as he could and kept pushing with short hard jerks. He must be cumming. I concentrated on the feeling of his cock moving in me. Ah, there it is, the pleasure wave hit. It didn't seem as strong as yesterday but it was wonderful.
      Dave stopped moving on me. I was still shuddering.
      "Did you cum?" he asked, all out of breath.
      "I think so, it was great!
      "What do you mean, you think so?" he asked. "Either you did or you didn't."
      "Well, It's kind of hard to describe. It feels like I'm cumming, in my head, actually my whole body. But no cum comes out."
      "That's really strange. Don't you feel like you still need to cum?"
      "Not really," I said. I could if I wanted to though, but this is getting a little embarrassing. Change the subject. "How about you? Did you cum?"
      "Of course I came. Couldn't you feel it?"
      I giggled, "I know you did. Actually I couldn't feel your cum squirting into me, but you push in really hard and deep when you cum."
      "I didn't hurt you..."
      "No, it felt really wonderful. Knowing what you were doing and feeling you trying to get..."
      I heard knocking at the door. "Ben" Mom said. Dave jumped.
      "Oh no." I whispered.
      "What'll we do?" Dave asked?
      "Quick get dressed." I whispered. Dave pulled out of me. Thank goodness he was mostly soft, so it wasn't too much of a shock. "Just a moment," I called out to Mom, "we're in the middle of something." Dave put his hands to his mouth to try to keep from laughing out-loud.
      "OK, when you're ready, I need to talk to you."
      Oh no, "The way she said that, it's like she knew what we were doing," I whispered. Dave tossed me the towel after he was done wiping himself off. I cleaned myself off and we got dressed in about two minutes. I opened the door. Dave zipped past me and hopped on his bike.
      "See you Ben," he said.
      "Huh, you're going?"
      "She want's to talk to you. I might get in the way. Besides if she does know what we were doing, it might be worse if we're both there." He rode off.
      Thanks a lot Dave. If he were there, the odds of me getting yelled at would probably be less. Oh well. I went in.
      "Hi," I called out. Mom came in from the kitchen.
      "Where's Dave?" she asked with a frown.
      "He said he had to get home." I sat down on the stuffed chair's stool and looked down. "What do you want to talk to me about?" I asked, trying to act like nothing was going on.
      "Are you and Dave using drugs?" she asked.
      I was shocked, but also relieved. "No."
      "I don't know what's going on, but you've changed since Dave became your friend. You've come home late a number of times and you've missed calling to say where you are when you do come home late." She looked at me with a worried look. I wish she would sit down. I looked away and cringed inside. I guess I'm not going to get-off for breaking those rules after all.
      "Well, I'm not using any drugs or drinking," I said quietly.
      "Then what do you and Dave do then?"
      Only sex. "Oh, we just talk about school and hobbies." Trying to keep the quiver out of my voice. I felt my face get hot as I thought about what we were just doing.
      "Hmm. Are you and Dave, uh, playing around?"
      I only glanced up at her, "What do you mean?" Trying to sound really confused, but I felt my face get even redder.
      "You know, sex"
      I gasped, "You're kidding. I like girls!" I said trying to sound a little angry.
      "That's good," she said.
      For some reason that did make me angry. "But I like guys too," I said quietly, glancing up and saw she was surprised. She turned away to sit down on the couch. I couldn't look at her again. Realizing that I may have revealed too much I added, "I don't know what I want." Maybe with that hint of hope, that this is a 'phase,' she'll leave me alone.
      She just sat there, staring off, looking at the kitchen. Then she looked at me.
      "If this was a boy/girl relationship, I would have a better idea of what to do," she said.
      Then don't do anything, I wanted to say.
      "I always knew you would start having sex someday. But I thought it would be with a girl and that things would start gradually, with dating, then more time spent with the other person. So even though we suspected something was going on, it's still quite a shock to see how fast things have happened... and with who."
      "I don't think I've changed," I said. "But a part of me has been hidden... from everyone, but me. I just don't want to be alone."
      She nodded. "If we were talking about a girl, I would say that is not a good enough reason for having sex. You need to know and care about the other person you're with. I noticed that you didn't know much about Dave, when we were talking this afternoon."
      I didn't know what to say. That was true enough.
      "Maybe that is the approach we should take here," she said.
      I gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"
      "If Dave were a girl, I would say that you two should hold off on anymore sex for a while. Try to get to know each other before starting again."
      I felt a pang of hurt. No more Dave? "Why?" I asked, trying to not sound too angry. I didn't want to give up the sex.
      She looked away for sometime, thinking. Then she looked at me. "Do you love him?" she asked.
      Oh! Now I was shocked. She went right to the heart of the matter. I had not really thought much about it, but it seemed to always be in the back of my mind.
      "I don't know," I said. But I sure loved the sex and how his body felt on me.
      "It might be better to cool-it with sex then. Take it slower." She paused. "I guess just date him."
      Whew, she's not saying that I can never see him. I giggled at the 'dating' comment. "That sounds funny doesn't it?"
      She smiled.
      "What can we do?" I asked.
      "What do you mean?"
      "Can we hold hands?"
      "Of course Ben. Touching someone is an important part of showing you care for someone."
      "How about... kissing?" Tears were welling up in my eyes. Why?
      "Ben, if it's too embarrassing to talk about, then it probably is not OK."
      "What's wrong," she asked, because I really started to cry now. I leaned over and hugged my knees. She came over and sat on the stool beside me. She put her arm around me. I sat up and hugged her and cried some more.
      I thought about the times that I tried to kiss or hug Dave and how he would turn away. Maybe without the sex, he would have no interest in me. Maybe there is no love there.
      "I'm not saying you can't see him."
      I fought back the tears. Took a deep breath so that I could speak. "No, that's not it... We haven't... Dave wouldn't hug me." I couldn't say, kiss me. I'd lost it again, really sobbing now.
      She sighed, "Then all the more reason for you to go slower."
      I nodded. She's always sounded so reasonable. But now I was not looking forward to confronting Dave with this. I started to calm down again. I let go of her and wiped my tears away.
      "Maybe we can talk more about this later," she said.
      I could tell that, even though she was talking calmly, she was actually upset, and didn't want to talk any more.
      "What about Dad? Should..."
      "Yes you can talk with him. It'll be OK. We've already talked about some of this," she said.
      "OK." That's a relief, I thought.
      I got up and went out to my room. I smelled the sex in air. No wonder she guessed what was going on. There must have been plenty of other clues. I looked at the messed up bed where Dave was fucking me. I threw myself onto the bed and started crying again. I didn't want to give up that feeling of being held, of feeling Dave's hard penis in me. But if he didn't love me why would he stay with me? He could just dump me anytime. Did I love him? No, was my first thought. 'Damn,' I thought, and really started sobbing. I'm never going to find anyone who wants me and who I want!
      <Knock>, <knock>. I woke up with a start. I had fallen asleep. "Dinner is almost ready," Dad said.
      "OK," I replied getting up.
      "Can I come in?"
      I gulped, part two. "Sure." And I opened the door. I sat on the edge of the bed and he sat beside me.
      "You OK?" he asked quietly.
      I nodded, but tears were starting again. Damn, I got to get control. I pushed down hard inside, not looking at him. "Did you talk to Mom?"
      "About you and Dave? Yes." He looked at me and I looked down. "We just don't want you to get hurt."
      Too late, I thought. "I'll tell Dave that we have to cool-it."
      "We're not saying you can't see him." he quietly said. "Just take things slower."
      To late, I thought again, remembering Dave fucking me. I can't say that! What was Dad talking about? What can I say back? Try to agree. "I know. Actually I've been thinking that Dave and I don't have much else in common. But I would really miss how he..." shit, I almost said how he feels when we fuck! If felt my face flush and I started to tremble with the feeling and memory of being fucked. I put my head on my knees and hugged them, to hid my embarrassment from what I almost said and what I was feeling. He put his hand on my back and rubbed. I trembled more and held my breath. No this is wrong. I can't feel this way here. I felt the wave pass and the tears stopped. Whew. I breathed again and I was in control again. I sat up. "Sorry." I whispered.
      "For what? Having feelings? They're OK," he said.
      I nodded, but I had already pushed the feelings away so that I could talk. "You know all I really want is to find someone I'm attracted to and they are attracted to me. But people, uh girls or boys, that I'm attracted to, aren't interested in me. While the few who are interested in me, I'm not interested in them. It just all seems so random and impossible."
      "It's not easy," he agreed. "That's probably why being in-love is so powerful, because it's so rare. Even though it's rare, it'll happen for you." We sat there for a few minutes.
      "Dinner's ready," Mom called out.
      "OK," I said as we got up. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't even look at him. I looked down and headed quickly for the door.
      "Ben." I turned around and he came up to me and gave me a long hug. I just sighed. Thank god, no more tears came. I had pushed those emotions away for a while.
      We went to dinner. I was quiet and my sister kept looking at me, probably wondering what I'd been crying about. I thought about Dave, what was I going to say, and how will he react, especially when he finds out that my parents know about what we were doing!
      I went to bed early. I was exhausted from all the crying, not to mention two days of intense sex.
      What was I going to tell Dave? I could just ignore him, like he did after our first experience. Well not easily since, we have gym together. Also I certainly didn't hate him. He hasn't done anything wrong.
      I could just ignore him, or in other words, dump him. No. I said I would try to pay attention to people who showed an interest in me, even though that's what started this whole mess.
      The next day. Gym class.
      "Hi Dave."
      "Hi Ben. How's it going.
      I paused. Now doesn't seem like a good time.
      "So what did your Mom want?" he asked
      "Uh, I don't know if there's enough time to talk about that now. How about if we get together after school?"
      "Wow. This sounds heavy. Can't you give me a hint?"
      Coach showed up then, blowing his stupid whistle.
      "Later?" I said.
      "OK, after school," he replied.
      We started class. What will today's torture be? Ah, it looks like more football. Coach had us count off, one to four, to pick the teams. It was funny to see the shuffling going as guys tried to get on the team they wanted. But the counting went fast, so few got what they wanted. I heard yeas and groans when the good or poor players counted off. Whew, no sound when I called out two. After stretching, coach told us to run around the field once to warm-up. Whew, that's not too bad.
      When we started running, Dave and I were towards the end of the pack. He slowed down so that we fell back from the group.
      "So, you going to give me a hint?" he asked, grinning.
      Oh why not, it can't be that bad.
      "My Mom, knew we were having sex."
      "No shit! Wow! Did she get mad?" He had a worried look.
      "No, but she said we would need to cool-it."
      "Oh." He was quiet then. He looked away from me. What is he thinking?
      "She didn't say we couldn't see each other."
      "Ah, that's good," he said giving me a grin, "we can still have some fun."
      This is not going to be easy after all.
      "Uh, actually I sort of agree with her. But I still want to see you."
      He gave me a hurt puzzled look.
      "You know kind of date and get to know each other," I said.
      Now he had an angry look. "Date! You're not a girl!"
      "Huh?" I was shocked by his response.
      "It was only sex you know. I'm not a queer." He glared at me and ran away.
      I stopped running and just walked. He had essentially called me a queer! But the things we had done. I just can't understand what he means. 'It was only sex.' Ouch, that really hurts. I can't cry here! Bare down, drive the feeling down and away. Whew. I'll think about it later. I guess Dave will be ignoring me now.
      The rest of the day seemed to pass in a fog. Things seemed to be going so well, until now.

      The rest of the week and the weekend dragged by. Dave just avoids me in gym class. Well I avoid him too. I thought about what to do and what had happened, but I keep going in circles, resolving nothing. I mostly stayed in my room working on models or in the garage doing woodworking. Mom had asked how things were with Dave. I told her that he didn't want to see me again. She was right, it was only sex. I let her know I didn't want to talk about it though. I think she was relieved to not have to talk about it, but she still gave me a worried look.
      Well, she should be worried. Thoughts of suicide started to creep back. I realized it was really those thoughts that had goaded me to start taking chances, but I had suppressed those thoughts so deep, that I had forgotten them. 'It was only sex you know.' kept echoing in my head. That actually helped. That loss certainly was not worth dying over. But not being wanted by anyone. That thought was back. And it hurt the most.
      Things weren't really any worse than before Dave. I could go back to the way things were before him. I could even try to be on the look out only for girls who were interested in me. Some how I don't think things will happen as fast as they did with Dave, but who knows.
      It's Tuesday and I'm walking to lunch. Near my usual bench, where I would eat and read, there was a guy sitting on one of the large brick retaining wall type of planter boxes they had in the lunch courtyard. He stood, when I got near.
      "Hi," he said. "Are you Ben?"
      "Yes," I said, confused. I'd never seen this guy around. He was tall. Maybe six foot two. Pretty muscular too. I looked up at his face. Dark eyes, long eyelashes. His dark brown hair had loose curls, but it was still way shorter than my hair. Wow, what a handsome guy. I certainly would have remembered seeing him.
      "You're in gym class with Dave? Right?" he asked.
      "Uh, yes." Dave! Now I had my guard up. Who is this guy?
      He glanced around, then leaned back against the planter.
      Now he was staring at me. I looked away. Then looked back. He glanced up and down my body. I thought of walking away. OK, I'll stare back. I felt a pang of, well lust. He was gorgeous. His eyelashes were so cute. He grinned. A dimple appeared in his left cheek.
      This guy may look good, but this was getting uncomfortable, he's strange. I looked down.
      "Umm," he started. I looked back at him. He had a serious look.
      "I'm not sure how to say this," he paused. Then he blurted out, "I've been watching you, and Dave said you were a good lay, and I was wondering if we could get together sometime?"
      "What!" I said, shocked. Good start. I was 'a good lay!' What can I say? Is he going to beat me up? I backed up. Is this a trick? Maybe he'll beat me up if I don't go along. What about all the people around here. What if they hear. I looked around. No one was near. OK, denial is the safest route.
      "Dave's full of it!" I tried to say quietly, but I think I said it too loud. Darn, I shouldn't have gotten mad. I should have laughed it off, like 'Oh, Dave is such a prankster.' Too late. He stood up and he looked really worried. I backed away.
      "You don't even know me. Dave's just playing a joke on you... and me I guess. But I don't think it's very funny."
      He held up his hands. "OK, sorry. I'll let Dave know his joke was dumb." He dropped his hands. "You're not going to tell anyone else about this?"
      "No way," I replied. "It was just a dumb joke. Uh, sorry about blowing up."
      "I understand," he said, looking down with a sad look.
      "Well, I need to eat lunch... Bye," I said. I turned around and quickly walked away. I couldn't walk past him, because I was too afraid of him.
      Dave told that guy! Why? What did he tell him? It must have been enough for him to almost flat out ask me to have sex with him. Does Dave hate me? Is he out to have me labeled a queer? I don't have any close friends who would care. Of course, that means I also don't have any friends who could help me. Is he following me? I glanced back. No. He was still sitting there looking down. Now I need to put some distance between us and some obstacles to block his view of where I sit.
      I've got to calm down. Were can I go? Don't think now. Find a place that is secluded and away from large groups. As I looked around, my last view of that guy, sad and hurt, kept flashing up. There's a mostly empty spot. Only three girls were in that area.
      I glanced back to make sure that guy would not see where I was going. I couldn't see him, so I went to the spot I picked out. I grabbed my sandwich out of my lunch bag and started eating it, while reading a novel that I had brought with me. That's what I usually do during lunch. But I wasn't reading this time.
      What did he say? That Dave said I was a good lay. Thanks for the compliment Dave! You could have kept your mouth shut though. Who else has he told? And how much detail? Is he writing my name on bathroom walls: 'For good BJ and fuck see Ben Carter'. Will I have to worry about getting beat up everyday? Even worse, would I be fending off constant propositioning. Don't flatter yourself Ben. That would be worse, but getting harassed is much more likely. I don't know anything about how to defend myself or fight. I am pretty good, though, at detecting and avoiding conflict so that I have never gotten into that kind of situation. That's why the encounter with that guy had been so scary. He'd been watching me, he said. I hadn't seen him. Do I have to worry about him coming after me again? He looked really worried when I rejected what he was saying. He essentially had admitted that he was interested in me, a guy. Hmm, so he may have just as much to fear, that I would expose him. So he'll either ignore me or come after me to make sure I won't talk. How many people has Dave told? I'll have to talk to him! I better pay better attention to people around me. I don't want any strange guys approaching me. Especially a group of guys! OK, now I have some kind of a plan. I can read and escape for a while.

      On my way home, I thought more about what happened today. Dave wasn't in gym class today, so I couldn't confront him. Now what can I do? I had noticed that in gym and between periods, that some guys were staring me down. Am I paranoid now? Were they staring because I was looking around more, or did they know about me? Or had I just not paid that much attention? No, I pay attention. I need to find out how wide spread this is. I have no friends that are close enough to ever ask about this. I could talk to my parents, but they wouldn't know anything. Hmm, my sister hangs around with the "in-crowd," so she may hear things. I can ask her to see if she's heard anything strange about me. Since Mom and Dad know about me, it might be OK for her to know too, if she presses for more information. So I'll look for a time when I can talk to her alone.
      Cathy, my sister, didn't come home until just before dinner, so I waited until after dinner to talk to her.
      I knocked on her door.
      "It's me Ben."
      "Come in."
      We used to be closer. Now we seem to just tolerate each other.
      I opened the door and went in. She was sitting on her bed, with the phone in front of her. Probably about to call her boyfriend. I closed the door.
      "I need to talk to you," I said.
      "Really?" She had a surprised look, then a suspicious look, like I was about to get her in trouble.
      "I was wondering if you'd heard anything about me at school?"
      "Huh, what do you mean?"
      "Rumors or something. You have more friends than me so I thought you might have heard something."
      "About what?" she asked. "What have you done? Something illegal?" she asked, almost with glee. Man, she's really into the 'bad-boy' scene.
      "No," I said. Well that's a relief. She hasn't heard anything. Now, should I tell her? Word just might not have got out much yet. Mom and Dad reacted OK, maybe she will too. But she doesn't need to know. I turned to go.
      "So what's going on?" she asked. I looked at her but continued towards the door.
      "Oh I know, you got a C on a test and you're afraid the whole school will find out," she said with a sneer. She resents my better grades, but I wasn't a straight A student. I get plenty of Bs and even occasional Cs. Grades aren't that important to me, so I didn't fall for that bait. I paused.
      "Don't be ridiculous." I started for the door again.
      "Did you get busted for drugs," she blurted out. "Is that why you were crying last week?"
      OK, I have long hair. Does that make me a dope smoking hippy?
      "No way," I said with some anger in my voice.
      "Oh come on tell me. It can't be anything very serious. It's not like you're a queer or anything," she goaded.
      My head snapped around, "What makes you say that!" Oh no, I'm giving myself away again with my response. "That's ridiculous," I continued with anger. Might as well let her know she was out of line for that accusation.
      "You sure are touchy... Wait a minute, you and Dave?" She looked at me carefully. She even moved closer.
      "Dave was just a friend," I said frowning at her.
      "I haven't heard about him lately," she said.
      "We don't get along anymore." I felt my face starting to get red. I got to get out of her room.
      "Are you gay, Ben," she asked quietly. Almost nicely. I shrugged, what the heck. I nodded.
      "I don't believe it! My brother is a faggot!" Now she had a mean look.
      I didn't know what to say.
      "So do Mom and Dad know?"
      I nodded, "That's what last week was about."
      "Ah, that explains the arguments I was hearing from their room. I could pick out your name sometimes, but I couldn't hear anything else."
      "So you were crying because they forbid you from seeing Dave?" she asked.
      "No that isn't what happened. They were not happy, but they seem OK about it."
      "I don't believe it. They get on my case with me and Joe, but they let you screw around with guys."
      "But that's not true," I tried to respond, to let her know that they really didn't approve of what Dave and I were doing.
      "I'll be laughed at for months," she continued, not hearing me. "'So, How's your fairy brother?' 'Has he gone after your boyfriend yet?'" she said shaking her head.
      "No wonder you were worried about others finding out," she said. "Eww, the thought of it is disgusting." she shuddered.
      I wanted to leave. Things seemed to be getting worse.
      "Well, I haven't changed," I said trying to defend myself.
      "No? You just decided to go out with guys. It's a sin you know."
      That's it, I'm getting out. I was out of her room, and on the way out of the house, and to my room, fast. My last image of her, was of her glaring at me.
      That went incredibly bad! I really didn't expect her reactions. I guess I should of, since she seems to go for the really macho type of guys. I feel panic. She better not tell her boyfriend, Joe. He might want to prove how macho he is by beating me up.
      It's a relief to find out that she hadn't heard anything about me, yet. So it might not be wide spread. But will she tell Joe or anyone else? Why would she? Does she hate me? It sure seemed that way. What else did she say? Mom and Dad had been fighting and my name was mentioned. I guess they are not as accepting as they have lead me to believe. So it's probably best that Dave and I aren't together anymore. But Cathy thinks they approve of me and Dave. She didn't listen to me. She's more worried about what others will think about her. Ah, she may keep quiet, so that she doesn't get embarrassed by me. But is any of this helping me find out who Dave has told?
      I thought I could go back to the way things were. Or try to only pay attention to girls. Now, I have a strange guy, chasing me, and my sister hates me. She might tell others anyway. Let's think. Also there do appear to be other guys staring at me, which I hadn't noticed before. Oh yeah, and my parents know about my liking guys. And maybe they're upset too. How can any of this be contained?
      I have to talk to Dave! The first time I see him, I'll make it clear that we must talk.
      Dave was in gym class, the next day, Wednesday. He effectively avoided me all during the period. At the end of class, I looked for a chance to get his attention. Good he was towards the back of his group, which was heading to the showers.
      "Hey Dave, wait up," I called out. He stopped. He sort of had to, since I yelled loud enough that other's would think it strange if he didn't stop. He didn't look like he wanted to talk to me, because he only half faced me. I walked up to him.
      "How's it going?" I asked. I looked around to see that others were still going past us. In a few seconds, we should be out of ear-shot.
      "OK. What's up?"
      "Not much." I looked around. No one was nearby now. "Actually I have a problem."
      He just looked at me.
      "Yesterday, I had a guy came up to me, out of nowhere, and asked me to have sex with him."
      "I don't know, he didn't say his name. He said that you said I was a good lay."
      "Well you are," he said with a huge grin. "What's he look like?"
      What do I respond to? Restate my position on sex or describe the guy? I thought of his dark eyes, that was such a cliche, but it was somehow his eyelashes that were the most attractive part of his eyes. And the dimple that appeared when he smiled. Then he scared me with what he was saying.
      I snapped out of it and said to Dave, "He had dark curly hair, a little long. Tall, maybe six one or two."
      "Ah," Dave said, "I know who you're talking about. A well-built guy?"
      I nodded.
      "So do you think he's cute?" he asked, with a smirk.
      "You had a far off dreamy look when you described him."
      I didn't like the direction this was going. Dave had no right to tell anyone about me!
      "So what are you getting at?" I said angerly. "You know my position on sex," I tried to say quietly.
      "Yeah, I know your position," he laughed, stressing 'position.'
      "Not funny! You know what I mean! I'm not looking for a..." sex buddy. I can't say that! "I'm not looking for only sex."
      "I know. You're looking for love," he said while rolling his eyes.
      "Please don't tell anyone else Dave. This is really scaring me. I don't want to get beat up or called names."
      He actually looked concerned now. "It'll be OK. I have to worry too you know. It goes both ways."
      That hadn't occurred to me. He would have to worry about my telling others about what we'd done too. He might even be worried that my parents know about him and me. Maybe he can be trusted. I'm not sure though. Panic feeling. My sister! He may have more to worry about from what I'd reveled to her.
      "So, do you want to know his name?" Dave asked.
      "What? Who?"
      "Mr. dream-boat."
      "No. I don't want anything to do with him," I said, stressing the 'him.'
      "OK. What ever you say," he said. Then he got a big grin. "His name is Tony Meyers," and he ran off to the locker room.
      I just shrugged, and started walking to the locker room too. So, I have his name. I don't recognize it, but Dave said it as if I should have. Strange.

Chapter 3

      OK, now I know his name. So what. Now I know who to avoid, even though I don't recognize the name.
      I thought about what Dave said. I'm not sure if I believe him. That everything will be OK. Darn! he got me so flustered with his comments about Tony, that I didn't find out who else he has told. Oh well, there should be other times to ask him.
      Yesterday and today, Friday, I didn't notice as many guys looking at me, but I still saw some looks that were uncomfortable. So maybe it was just me being paranoid. Time for lunch again. I'm heading to my new place to sit.
      Hmm, that looks like Dave talking to... Tony!. I change direction to put some bushes between us. I don't think they saw me. I made it to my new spot. I noticed that the same three girls seem to sit in this area too. I got out my lunch and my book. After I had finished eating, someone walked up to me.
      I looked up. It was Tony.
      "Hi." I said coolly. Shit, what is he doing here? Where can I go?
      He sat down beside me, his back to the girls. "What are you reading."
      Whew. "Lord of the Rings," I replied.
      "Oh the Tolkin trilogy. I love that story," he said.
      "Really? This is my third time re-reading it."
      "I should do that sometime. I've forgotten most of it," he said
      "That's what I do. When I wait about a year, I find that there are large areas where I've forgotten the details. Mainly it's cool to get lost in another world."
      He nodded, "I know what you mean."
      I put my book down and started to gather my stuff together, so that I could make a quick run for it, if I had too. He was looking carefully at what I was doing.
      "Uh, I don't want to chase you away from here." He moved back a bit. "But I mainly came over to apologize for what I said to you yesterday."
      I glanced, past him, at the girls about fifteen feet away. Tony was talking quietly, so I don't think they could hear our conversation. But they do seem to be looking at Tony. Who is he? The class president or something.
      I glanced at his worried face, then looked away.
      "That's OK, so long as things are clear," I replied.
      "Good. Friends then?" he asked as he held out his hand. I took it, and we shook, but he held on. I looked up at him. He was smiling. And I was blushing.
      "Ah-em," I said as I pulled my hand back. Oh, god is he still after me?
      "Oh, sorry"
      "So you like Tolkin. Do you like science fiction?" I asked him.
      "Oh sure. I like Heinlein, Andre Norton, and others"
      "How about Asimov and the robot stories?" I asked.
      "Oh yeah, those are great. Especially the way he tries to show what happens when the three laws of robotics are violated.
      "Have you read any of David Gerrold's books?" he asked.
      "Let's see. 'When Harley was One.' Was that by him?
      "I think so," he said, "'The Man Who Folded Himself,' was one of his that I really liked."
      "I'll have to read that."
      "You can borrow my copy sometime," he said
      "Do you like sports, like football, Ben?"
      "No. I'm no good at sports. I don't like the whole jock macho scene." Uh oh, he might like sports. "But they're OK, so long as they don't judge me, as a person, based on how well I hit a baseball."
      He nodded, "I know what you mean," he said, "jocks can be real jerks sometimes.
      "What classes are you taking," I asked.
      "English composition, Trigonometry, Chemistry, College Prep..."
      "Those sound like senior level classes," I said interrupting.
      "Yes, I'm a senior."
      "Really. How old are you?" I asked
      "I'll be 18 next month. How about you?"
      "I turned 16 at the beginning of this month," I said. So that means he's almost two years older than me.
      "Say, have you seen the movie Airport?" he asked.
      "No. I don't go to movies much."
      "Would you like to go see it... with me?" he had a real worried look, like I might blowup at him again.
      I looked down. Is he asking me out? He's so handsome. Maybe I can trust him. OK, I'll take a chance. I looked up and smiled, but not too much. "Sure. When?"
      "How about this Saturday evening?"
      Tomorrow? Do I have anything going on? Nope, no hot dates! Last chance to back out. Oh why not, we seem to have some common interests.
      "OK," I said, tying to not let him see how excited I was. "What time?"
      "Why don't we trade phone numbers then we can pick a time after checking out the show times in the paper."
      I grabbed my notebook and ripped off some paper. We wrote our numbers on the scraps and traded them.
      "Uh, I don't have a car, how do..."
      "I have one," he said. "I can pick you up and get us there."
      "Well, I better get going." He stood up. "We can talk more about our favorite authors," he said. He had a really big grin. "I'll call you some time tonight or tomorrow. When's a good time?"
      "Anytime before 11 tonight or," I thought, I want to sleep in, "after 10 tomorrow."
      "OK bye," he said softly, almost like he wanted to say something else, but he turned and walked away quickly.
      Whew. He's actually pretty nice. Hmm, the girls are still tracking him. I only know a little about him, but we seemed to really connect at times. It was like he could read my mind. That handshake! It felt like he just wanted to hold my hand. If we were alone, I would have been in his arms at that point. The movie! I might get to be in his arms tomorrow! Now for the hard part. I need to ask Mom if I can go to the movie... with an older guy. Well, he's only two years older. If she didn't know I liked guys, she would probably have said yes right away to me going the movies with a friend. 'Mom can I go to a movie with a friend on Saturday.' 'Sure have fun.' Now, the questions could get embarrassing.
      When I got home, I went into the house. "Mom, can I go to the movies with a friend tomorrow night?"
      "Who's the friend," she asked.
      "His name's Tony." I didn't continue.
      "And who is Tony?"
      "He's a senior at school."
      "OK, how do you know him? Can you tell me more? You haven't talked about him before."
      This is not going well, spooning out the information.
      "Well we met at lunch today and we talked about science fiction books and stuff. Then he asked if I would like to go see the movie Airport."
      She just looked at me, thinking.
      "Well, it's sort of a date,' I added.
      "Oh? Does he know it's a date?"
      "Well he asked me. Why the third degree?"
      "Sorry, I just want you to be careful. He may not think of it as a date the same way as you. He might want to just be friends."
      I sighed. OK, I'll tell more. "Well, I think he talked to me because he and Dave know each other." I looked away, hoping she would realize I didn't want to say more.
      "Oh, I see," she said. She was grinning, when I looked back at her.
      "You can go, but I want to meet him before the movie. And you have to be back by midnight."
      "Thanks Mom!" I turned and went to my bedroom quickly, before she could think of more questions or add more conditions.
      Alright! The hardest part is over. Now, when is Tony going to call? I hope it's tonight!
      Tony called, just before ten, to let me know the time. The movie starts at 8:30pm. I asked him to come over at 7:30 so that there would be time for him to come in, though I didn't tell him that part. Our house is such that he would have to park, because you can't see the front door from the street.
      We talked about Tolkin, science fiction, and TV shows. My sister walked by a few times. Then she motioned like she was talking on the phone, then pointed to herself.
      "I've got to go, my sister wants to use the phone. See you tomorrow."
      "OK, bye Ben."
      "You got a boyfriend?" smirked my sister.
      "No, just a friend." I walked away so I wouldn't have to explain more.
      Saturday just dragged. I watched TV, tried to read my novel, and tried to think of a project to work on, but nothing was interesting. I couldn't get Tony out of my head.
      Around four o'clock, I spent almost a half hour picking out what to wear. I first picked a deep blue fuzzy shirt with blue corduroy pants. It was too dark, all blue, and no contrast. I ended up keeping the blue chords and picking a brushed cotton blue and dark red plaid long sleeve shirt. I took a shower and shaved. I watched the news until dinner was ready.
      Dinner was just me and my parents. My sister was already out on her date, thank goodness. During dinner I was quiet, but kind of jittery. After dropping the salt shaker then knocking over my water, Dad said things will be OK, just stop thinking about tonight.
      We were done with dinner at 6:30 and Tony wouldn't be here until 7:30. My parents turned on the TV and watched a game show. I tried not to think about tonight, like Dad said. I kept looking at my watch. At 7:19, I felt the need to pee, so I figured now would be a good time, so that I wouldn't have to go at the theater. While I was in the bathroom I thought, what if he's early. I tried to hurry up. Sheesh, come on. Finally it was done. I quickly zipped up and went out.
      7:25. Come on time. I looked again 7:26.
      <ding> <dong>. "That's him!" I leaped up. Mom and Dad were grinning at me, almost laughing. Mom also got up to turn down the TV.
      I opened the door. "Hi Tony. Come on in for a bit." Tony was wearing a blue jacket with white sleeves. It looked like he had a green corduroy shirt on. And he was wearing blue jeans.
      He looked a little surprised, but he came in.
      Dad walked up. "Hi Tony, I'm Don Carter." He put out his hand and Tony shook it.
      "Nice to meet you Mr. Carter," Tony replied.
      "Hi, I'm Sally," said Mom
      "Nice to meet you," Tony said, nodding towards her.
      "It's nice to meet the guy that's been causing my boy to mope around all day," Mom said.
      "Mom!" She just looked a me and shrugged. I looked at Tony. He was turning red. He looked at me, with a 'what do I say' kind of look.
      "I hear Airplane is a good movie," Dad said.
      I grabbed my jacket and put it on. "Well, we should get going."
      "Have a good time guys. Be back by midnight," said Mom.
      We got outside. Tony walked ahead to his car. It was an old station wagon.
      "What was that all about?" he asked, as he got into the car.
      I got into the car. "They wanted to meet who I was going out with."
      "They sound awfully strict."
      "Yeah, well they're OK," I said, defending them.
      "OK, what's going on, Ben?"
      "Your Mom's comment. What was that about?"
      "Well, they sort of know this is a date," I admitted.
      "You mean they know you're..."
      "Gay. Yes," I said.
      "I don't believe this. My parents would flip. They certainly would not want to see my date.
      "Wait a minute, what makes you think this is a date?" he said, giving me a stern look.
      "I, well, you asked me, uh, I'm sorry, I don't mean..." I started looking for the door handle.
      "Calm down. It's OK Ben. I was just kidding. I think it's cute that you think of this as a date. I guess I never really thought about it."
      Whew. "Don't do that to me Tony. That scares me."
      He reached over and rubbed my shoulder. "Sorry Ben.
      "Wow, I just didn't realize I'd be meeting your parents," he said grinning, as he started the car.
      "What theater we going to?" I asked.
      "The AMC Twin. We should have plenty of time.
      "Oh, here's the 'Man Who Folded Himself' book," he said. He pointed at a book on the seat between us.
      "Thanks." I picked it up and I read the back cover. "Ah, it's about time travel. I love time travel stories."
      "I thought you might, after you described 'The End of Eternity' book."
      We got to the theater and parked. When we got to the ticket booth, I reached for my wallet.
      "No, no, I'm buying," he said.
      "OK. Thanks."
      "It's the least I can do for all the times I've scared you."
      We walked up to the ticket taker. This felt so strange walking behind him, with him. Can anyone tell that I'm 'with him?' We ordered some candy and cokes. He paid again. This feels nice, having someone pay for me. I'll need to make sure that I pay for the next date. What do I mean next date? Slow down you idiot, you're not done with this date!
      "Huh, what was that?" I asked. Tony had said something.
      "Where would you like to sit?"
      "Oh somewhere near the center," I said.
      He picked out two seats off the center isle, about half way down. He motioned for me to go in first. I sat down and took off my jacket and laid it down next to me. Tony took off his jacket and draped it across the arm between us.
      Tony reached under the arm-rest and took my hand. His jacket was on the arm-rest and his leg, so no one could see that we were holding hands. I jumped a little.
      "Wow, you're jumpy tonight."
      "Sorry," I said. I took a deep breath and settled back. His hand was large compared to mine. I squeezed it. He squeezed back. Some people came up to go in our isle. I let go of his hand as we moved our legs back for them to go by.
      Tony reached under the arm and brushed the side of my thigh. I jumped again. I busted up laughing. He laughed too. I wasn't going to hold his hand though, until the movie stared. I didn't want anyone to see. We didn't talk. We just sat there waiting. We would look at each other occasionally. He would look at me longer than I could look at him. Finally the movie started.
      I put my hand down and held his hand. I watched the movie, but most of my attention was on his hand. I shifted my hand and interlaced our fingers. He caressed the top of my hand with his thumb. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back. We turned to look at the movie. It sure had a lot of big stars in it. The plot was kind of predictable. Get us involved in different peoples stories, have the plane crash, and show how people react in different ways during crisis.
      In the middle of an action part of the movie, Tony leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I wish I could kiss you."
      I nodded and squeezed his hand. But still looked at the movie. Just his breath on me was exciting. What can I whisper to him, so that I can get nearer to him? Got it. I leaned over and whispered, "You'll get your wish when we get back to your car. I want you to kiss me." This was wonderful. My nose was in his curly hair. I could smell his shampoo and some of what he smelled like. I didn't want to move away, but I had too.
      He looked at me with a big grin. We locked eyes for a moment that seemed to last forever. But it must have been only seconds. We turned away again. I want to whisper all kinds of hot things in his ear, but I don't think I could stand it. All of sudden I was aware of all the people around us. Were they looking? I lost the connection with Tony. I tried to glance around casually. I saw a number of couples leaning next to each other.
      Tony must have noticed, because he leaned over again and whispered, "No one can see us. We're OK." I nodded again, but now I felt sad for breaking that special feeling that seemed to be building between us. Tears were forming. I looked down and forced the feeling away. Tony must have felt me tense up. He moved our hands over and caressed the side of my thigh with the back of his hand. I sighed with the breath of air that I was holding.
      "Do you want to go?" he whispered.
      I shook my head and whispered back, "I'll be OK." He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. But I wasn't going to be OK.
      "I don't mind. I don't care about the movie that much," he whispered back.
      I sat and thought about it. Would it really be OK to leave in the middle of the movie? I sort of wanted to see the crash. But I'm going nuts sitting next to Tony, without being able to do more than hold his hand. What will we do if we do leave early? I visualized us going to his car. No one else was in the parking lot. We could kiss in his car. Yes! Who cares about this dumb movie.
      "Are you sure it would be OK to go now?" I whispered to him.
      He had a surprised look, but he nodded.
      I hope he really was OK with leaving. Now I feel guilty for wasting the money he spent on us to go to this movie.
      We let go of our hands and collected our jackets and drinks. Tony looked at me. I nodded. He got up from his isle seat and headed up the isle. I moved to the isle, ducking down so I wouldn't block the view of the people behind us. It was like I was floating up the isle behind Tony. We went out into the bright empty lobby. He looked at me closer.
      "Sorry about that in there," I said.
      He had a confused look. "Huh, sorry about what? You don't want to be with me?"
      I looked around. There were only two guys, probably ushers, and a girl behind the candy counter. Poor Tony, it's just the opposite! Wait till we can be alone, then I can tell you.
      "No, that's not it at all. Let's go to your car," I said.
      "I don't understand," he said.
      "It'll be OK, please let's go," I tried to say firmly.
      He shrugged and and followed a little glumly. When we got a ways from the lights and among the cars in the parking lot. I bumped, a little,into his side on purpose. He looked at me. I was giving him a big grin. He grinned back and bumped me back. We bumped a few more times before getting to his car. He unlocked my door. I slid across the seat and unlocked his door. When he got in, I scooted close to him. He put his arm over my shoulder. I pushed my hand behind his back and snuggled closer to him.
      "Mmm, this is what I wanted to do in the theater," I said, "but I got scared of all the people around us."
      "That's a relief. I thought you had changed your mind, and didn't want to be there with me."
      I hugged him. He feels so nice and warm. His hand feels nice as he moves it through my hair. I look up at him and pull back a little so I can look in his eyes. He looked at me with a questioning look. His eyes are so beautiful. He said he wanted to kiss me. I grinned at him.
      "So, are you going to kiss me?" I said in an almost whisper.
      He had a big grin now. He pulled me closer. This is it. I closed my eyes. But he put his lips to my neck and hugged me. I put my other arm around his chest and hugged him back. My nose was buried in his curly hair. I kissed his neck. Mmm, I smelled his hair and I tried to identify what he smelled like. Some of it was like BO, but not Bad Odor, it is just what he smells like.
      His tongue was tickling my neck and giving me shivers. I moaned a little and hugged closer. He pulled back and used his hands to move my hair out of my face and to stroke my cheek. He's so handsome. I can think all of this. Should I say it to him? Wouldn't he just think I'm being mushy?
      He moved fast. The next thing I knew his lips were pressed to mine.
      I had only kissed a girl, once, briefly. She had put her tongue in my mouth. It was quick and I didn't know what to do, then it was over. It was a good-bye kiss at a camp, so I never saw her again.
      Tony opened his mouth some and used his tongue to lick my lips. Now that's an obvious invitation! I opened my lips some. He moved his tongue into my mouth. I tentatively touched the tip of his tongue with mine. He swirled his tongue around mine. Wow, this is so intimate and intense. I opened up wider and licked across more of his tongue. Breathe! I was holding my breath.
      He pushed his tongue in deep and he slid it under my tongue and licked underneath. That's it, stars. I squeezed him harder and I started shaking with the feelings moving through me. This is so intense. It's like a third different type of orgasm for me! I can't take much more. I was moaning a little. I'm going to start crying if he keeps going. I started to pull back a bit. He let me. Then he put his hand behind my neck, pulled me in hard, and pushed his tongue under mine again, and licked at that sensitive spot in the back. Oh god, it's like he's fucking me with his tongue! I concentrated on the tip of his tongue, the feel of his firm body holding me. That's it, I'm kind of sobbing now, and trembling with a feeling of intense joy. He moved his hand from my neck to my shoulder and he started to pull back. I pulled away more and our kiss was over. I buried my face into his chest and really started crying now. I hugged him tight and he hugged back. Moving his hands over my back and through my hair. That started more waves of pleasure. I don't think I can take more of this. I held my breath to shut down. This is getting too embarrassing and I don't want to scare him. Actually, I'm getting a little scared of what ever this is.
      I let out my breath. Whew, I'm back, feeling his warm body again. I'm all sweaty.
      "Oh Tony. You feel so good!"
      He rubbed my back some more. He didn't say anything. What is he thinking? I gave him short squeeze and moved back some so that I could look at his face. He had a worried look, and his eyebrows were raised, with a surprised look.
      "Are you OK?" he asked.
      "Oh that was wonderful. I've never felt like that before."
      "You were crying. Did I hurt you?"
      "No. Those were tears of joy. You make me feel so good Tony." I hugged him.
      "Do you know sometimes it feels like you can read my mind. Like when we were in the theater," I said, with my head on his chest again.
      "I wish," he said. "Like I said, I thought you had changed your mind about me."
      "But, you still sensed something was wrong with me."
      "Yeah, I do feel some kind of connection to you. You know ever since I first saw you, I felt... such a strong attraction that I said stupid things," he said. "I didn't think I would ever be able to hold you like this." He gave me a squeeze and rubbed my back.
      I sighed, and relaxed into his embrace.
      "I was attracted to you too, when I first saw you. But I was too scared to show it," I said. I took a chance with Dave... no I don't want to bring up Dave now.
      He pulled me away a bit to look at me. He was kind of studying my face, like he was trying to memorize it. I looked at him. He licked his lips. Is he going to kiss me again? I won't wait, I'll kiss him!
      I moved forward and pressed my lips to his lips. I used my tongue on his lips like he did to me. He opened up and flicked the tip of my tongue with his. He pushed his into my mouth and swirled it around mine. Hmm, maybe I could try sucking on it. I did that. He tightened his grip on me. Hee, Hee, he must like that. He put his hand behind my back again and pulled me in tight. I felt his tongue trying to get under mine again, searching for that spot. Then he hit it! I started trembling and all I could feel was the pleasure his tongue was giving me. He was flicking his tongue in rhythm to my trembling. I didn't know how much more I could take. I tried to pull back a little, but his hand wouldn't let me. Oh, well I'll just go with it. I started to really shake now. The wave of pleasure peaked. But he kept going. I don't want to cry again, please stop. I pulled back harder now. He let me go this time. I was panting. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath. Keep the tears down. I trembled again and he held me tight.
      "Oh wow, Dave was right, you really are something special," he said.
      I froze now. Why did he bring up Dave! I felt a cold anger. Jealousy?
      "I don't want to talk about Dave," I said firmly.
      "Oh, sorry." He rubbed my back. I relaxed again.
      "Uh, Ben, when I kissed you, what..., uh, did you cum?" he asked.
      I trembled at the thought. "I don't know what to call it. It feels like I'm cumming but nothing comes out. Actually the feeling is not in the same place. I don't know what's going on; I've never felt like that before," I said. Well, not quite true. I'd had similar feelings with Dave.
      "You mean you didn't feel anything here," he said as he reached down between my legs and felt around.
      I wasn't hard but his thumb found the head of my dick. I press up at his hand. But I was blushing. No, I don't want to go further. "Uh Tony, please don't. It feels good, but I... we need to wait."
      He moved his hand away quickly. "Sorry," he said coldly. I felt his body stiffen up.
      I'd hurt him. What can I say? I have to be careful. Things were going so well. Tell him about Dave? No! I don't want to talk about Dave. Tony was starting to let me go. He's withdrawing. Panic, ache. What can I say?
      "Are you just a prick tease?" he said angerly. He had turned away from me to face forward. It was kind of obvious that he didn't want to touch me, so I moved my hand from behind his back and turned to face forward too.
      The only way I could keep the tears from coming would be to get angry back at him. I don't want that. But is he like Dave, only interested in sex? It doesn't seem that way. OK, go ahead and cry. I feel like such a wimp. He's not doing anything. My head is down and I'm wringing my hands in my lap. OK, stop. I have to stop crying so I can talk.
      "Tony, I didn't mean to..." I tried to talk. "Maybe I responded too much... when we kissed. I wasn't trying to lead you on." He wasn't responding.
      "I really want to do it with you Tony. But I want more than that. I want to get to know you Tony." I turned to look at him. He was looking ahead with a far away look. What can I say?
      "We've only just started. I didn't mean to mess things up." I want to touch him so bad, but I could feel his withdrawal.
      "So, you just want to be friends?" he asked, sadly.
      "No. I want to be, to be..." what? Then the word came to me, "boyfriends."
      "Really? Do you mean like going steady?" he asked.
      "I guess. Sure! That would be great! Uh, that's if that's what you want?"
      He nodded and turned towards me. "I can wait, if I know that I'll get to see you more."
      "Oh yes Tony. I want to see you a lot too." I moved over to hug him. He put his arms around me. I snuggled my face into his chest. He smelled different. Fear. It was like I could smell the fear and anger that he was feeling a moment ago.
      "Oh really, how much of me do you want to see?" he chuckled.
      "Huh? Oh, ha, ha, I get it. Eventually all of you," I replied, giving him a quick squeeze. I looked up and moved to kiss him. Ah, his lips felt so good. He move his tongue around mine and he was pushing in deeper. Someone passed by our car! I pulled back quick.
      "Tony! There's other people around!"
      He and I looked around as we moved apart.
      "Looks like the movie is getting out," he said. "You ready to go home."
      "Sure," I said.
      Tony got his keys out and started the car. I reached over and held his hand. He squeezed my hand back and smiled at me. Then he let go to backup.
      Home was only about ten minutes away. He turned on the radio. 'Spirit in the Sky' was playing.
      "I like that song," I said.
      He smiled at me and turned it up. I watched him drive and bounce to the beat of the song. We both sang along with the words. I loved watching the way he moved. He pulled up in front of my house and turned the radio down.
      "Well," he said, "bye for now, my boyfriend."
      Wow, he really knows how to make me blush. I quickly moved to give him a hug. Then I looked up and kissed him. Now he went in deep and right to that spot! Oh god. I pushed against him and just trembled, while he moved his tongue. I felt a peak wave hit, then I relaxed. He must have felt that, because he backed off and ended the kiss.
      "I'm going to miss you," he said, as he rubbed my back while holding me.
      I was still catching my breath, so I just squeezed back. Then I pulled away and looked at his face one more time. I put my hand to his cheek, it was a little rough. Then I moved my fingers through his soft loosely curled hair and stopped at his neck, as I looked into his eyes.
      "I'll miss you too Tony. Call me soon, so that we can plan when to see each other again."
      "OK, I'll call you tomorrow afternoon."
      "OK, bye Tony, my boyfriend." I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and got out of his car and waved good-bye as he drove off.
      It felt like I was floating up the sidewalk. I have a boyfriend! I went into the house. It was almost eleven. I saw my parents sitting at the dining room table having a snack.
      "Hi," I said.
      "Hi Ben," they said together.
      "How was the movie?" Mom asked.
      "It was good. There were all kinds of big stars in it. Dean Martin, Burt Lancaster, and Maureen Stapleton. I don't remember the other actor's names. It was mostly a big soap opera with a number of people and their stories all put together on an airplane about to crash. It started kind of slow, then it got tense when a bomb exploded on the plane." I paused.
      "Would you like some cake?" Mom asked.
      "Sure," I said. She got up to cut me a piece.
      "So, how were they able to land?" Dad asked.
      Whoops, we didn't see that part. I should have given a more generalized description of the movie. "I don't know. We didn't stay to see the crash landing," I admitted. I looked down.
      "Why not," he asked.
      "Well I started feeling funny about all the other couples in the theater who were leaning together during the movie, and I got self conscious about me and Tony. It was weird. Tony suggested that we leave. It was like he could read my mind."
      Mom came with the cake and some milk.
      "That's too bad," said Dad.
      "What did you do then?" she asked.
      Careful. "We just sat and talked in his car, till the movie was over."
      "Really?" Mom asked, with a raised eyebrow.
      "Really. Well, we did kiss some," I said. "But that's all we did, really." If they knew what those kisses did to me though, they might object. I closed my eyes and thought of that wonderful feeling and how Tony tasted.
      Dad chuckled. I opened my eyes.
      "He must be a good kisser," Mom said, looking at Dad. I started blushing and just nodded, grinning back at them.
      I took a bite of cake.
      "So, are you going to see him again?" Mom asked.
      I nodded and swallowed. "We're going steady," I said.
      She frowned, "Don't you think that's a bit soon?"
      I didn't know what to say. It's not like I have a lot of options here Mom. Even if I did, I'm falling for Tony. Ah!
      "But I really like Tony and he likes me." I looked away and tried to remember what he said. "On the, uh sex thing, he said something cool. It was something like, as long as he knew he could keep seeing me, then he could wait."
      "Sounds like a smart guy," said Dad.
      I nodded. Mom didn't look convinced.
      "Well, I'm heading to bed," Dad said, as he stood up to stretch.
      "Me too," said Mom. "I'm glad you had a good time Ben. Don't stay up too late. Good-night."
      "OK. Night."
      "Night Ben," said Dad.
      As they walked away, I heard Mom say to Dad, "I've never seen him so animated..." I couldn't hear the rest.
      I finished my cake and went to my bedroom.
      I got out of my clothes and climbed into bed. Ah, this is a wonderful feeling. I thought of Tony kissing me. I thought back to how many times he kissed me. Amazing, he only kissed me three times! It felt like much more. What would happen if we kept going. I would have no problem making love to him! The hard part was stopping. "What are you, a prick tease?" popped into my head. Ouch, that hurt! Was Tony really OK with what I want, or don't want, right now? He said to me, what guys say about girls, who purposely get guys all excited, but will do nothing to relieve them. Prick teases are hated by guys more than girls who do nothing. They basicly use the promise of what could be, to get guys to take them out, and to only go with them. But Tony had suggested that we go steady. Maybe he figured that is part of the deal. Sigh. His kisses are like having sex to me. It just isn't fair to him. I need to find a way of relieving him. Hee, hee, I say that like it would be a burden. I want to see what his penis looks like. And to taste him. But how can we limit how far things go, or the amount, so that it doesn't become all that we do? I don't know an answer to that. Sigh. I'm tired. I'll fall asleep dreaming about holding and kissing Tony, imagining he is here holding me.
      Sunday morning, all through breakfast, I just couldn't stop smiling and laughing at the the least funny thing. My sister was looking at me like I was crazy. Mom and Dad were in a good mood too. Dad asked me to mow the lawn. "No problem Dad. Right after breakfast" That got another stare from my sister, because I hate mowing the lawn.
      While mowing the lawn, I wondered when Tony would call. If he doesn't call by five, then I'll call him.
      After mowing the lawn I was in my bedroom working on my model.
      "Tony's on the phone," Mom called out to me.
      I leaped up and ran into the house to the phone in the kitchen. It was 12:30.
      "Hi Tony."
      "Hi lover-boy," he said. Wow! what a greeting. I looked around. My Mom wasn't in the kitchen, and no one else seemed to be around. Then I saw Mom and Dad out in the back yard.
      "Hi hot-stuff!" I replied. He chuckled.
      "Did you sleep good?" he asked.
      "I dreamed about you all night."
      "You're so cute," he said. "I had a great time with you."
      "Can you come over today?" I asked.
      "I wish I could, but I've got a load of chores to do this afternoon. Then I have trig. homework and an essay to write for English. So my day is all used up."
      "But I really miss being with you. Maybe we can meet each other at lunch tomorrow?"
      "Sure," I replied.
      "What are you going to do today?"
      "Well since you brought it up, I do have some homework. Maybe I'll start reading the book you loaned me."
      I heard a muffled, "OK, in just a minute."
      "I have to go Ben. My Dad wants me to get going with the yard work."
      "OK, I'll see you tomorrow," I said.
      "Bye, my boyfriend," he said. I mentally gasped, and felt my face flush. Can I say it back to him. It was so easy last night. But I could be heard here. Say it Ben, you'll miss the moment!
      "Bye, my boyfriend, I'll miss you," I said quietly. I heard a sigh on the other end, then he hung up.
      I headed back to my bedroom. My sister came down the hallway and into the living room.
      "So how do you know Tony?" she asked with obvious awe.
      "Huh, why?" My guard was up to full alert now. What does she know and why is she asking?
      "A friend of mine saw Tony and you at the movies last night. Was he your date?" she asked with some disdain.
      "No way, we're just friends."
      "I didn't think you hung out with the jock crowd," she said.
      "Huh, what do you mean?"
      "Oh come on. You mean you don't know that he's on the varsity football team?"
      "No. Really?" I was shocked. "So what is he, the quarter back or something?"
      "No. I don't know what you call his position. Something about catching the ball."
      "A receiver?" I offered. I don't pay attention to football, but I know the positions and rules, from playing touch football in P.E.
      "That sounds like it. Every girl in school is hot for him."
      This is not good! I can see where she's heading. What can I do?
      "Wait a minute, you didn't know he was on the football team? So how do you know him?" she asked.
      Oh no! What can I say? Stay general. Keep to as much truth as possible. "We just met during lunch when he saw I was reading a fantasy book. He's into that and science fiction novels. So we're just friends."
      "It didn't sound like friends on the phone," she said squinting at me.
      Oh shit! She heard? OK, hard lie needed now.
      "That was Dave, I was talking to."
      "No it wasn't. I heard Mom tell you that Tony was on the phone."
      "So what!" I said angerly, "Friends can talk on the phone." Damn, I knew better--that's why hard lies should never be used. Years of hiding have taught me that.
      "Yeah, especially boyfriends," she said with a sneer. "Gee the girls at school are going to be disappointed when they find out that Tony is a queer."
      "Cathy! You can't tell anyone!"
      "Ah, so you admit it!"
      "No, but you can't say that about anyone at school, he could get hurt."
      "So what," she said.
      I felt a flash of rage now. "Go to hell!" I yelled at her and ran for my bedroom.
      "No, you're going to hell," she yelled back.
      I got to my room and flopped down on my bed. I was shaking with anger and fear. Trapped. What can I do? Tony's a jock? Why didn't he say? It doesn't matter to me, but he's apparently well known. Ah, that explains the girls looking at him during lunch on Friday. Now Cathy is going to tell everyone about us. I'm almost unknown, so I might be OK. But Tony! What can I do? Should I call him? Cathy might not really tell someone. After all she is worried about her association to me. Maybe that'll stop her. But how can I talk to Tony without my sister hearing. That'll only strengthen her suspicions about us. I can't think clearly. What will the jock types do to him. Beat the crap out of him, I'm sure. What if they find out I was the one he was with. I don't know how to fight or defend myself. I'm only good at avoiding confrontations. But I can't avoid direct attacks. Keep quiet. Keep a low profile. It's worked before. Then I felt overwhelmed. Tears welled up and I curled into a ball and sobbed. I don't know what to do.
      Finally, I was all cried out. OK, do nothing, since any action now could make things worse.
      I sent the rest of Sunday in a daze. Mostly I just laid around reading. Cathy wasn't at dinner. Mom said she was eating at her boyfriend's house. Good. When I went to bed, I fell asleep wondering how things will be. I tried to remember how Tony felt holding me. That calmed me down a lot, and I fell asleep.
      Monday morning. The first two classes were normal. Whew.
      On the way to my third class a guy bumped into me. "Out of my way faggot," he growled.
      What! I gave him a look like he was crazy. But I quickly walked on. In class, I noticed some whispering going on and a number of girls were turning to look and point at me. Some were giggling, and some were frowning. Fear. Were they really talking about me. That guy in the hall, he was in my P.E. class! OK, word is getting out. Just pretend like nothing is going on. Ignore them all. But try to stay away from any group of guys. They are the most dangerous.
      Finally, class is over. Time for lunch. I sure hope Tony is OK. I hurried to my lunch spot. On the way I noticed a number of glares from some guys. I stayed out of the corridors and took only the widest route so that I could easily avoid groups. I got to my spot and sat down to eat. Just as I was finishing, Tony walks up. He was furious. I could tell.
      "What the fuck is going on," he yelled at me. I stood up. "You telling the the whole world!" he said quietly, but angerly.
      "No, Tony. It was my sister. She overheard me on the phone with you." I was feeling miserable.
      "Do you know what it's been like this morning! You might have an understanding family, but if my old man finds out, he'll kill me."
      Keep the tears down Ben, there are other people around looking at us.
      "I'm sorry Tony, I didn't mean for any of this," I said. But it didn't seem like enough.
      Tony just glared at me. He looked around and saw other kids were looking at us. "Just stay away from me," he yelled and he shoved me in the chest. I fell backwards, but luckily landed sitting on the bench. Tony stomped away. I saw a number of people tracking him and they were glancing back at me. Some were wide-eyed, like what is going on, while others seemed to be glaring. I looked closer. How many? It was really only clusters of people nearby. Most of the other kids weren't paying attention. OK, get away from this group near here.
      What am I going to do? I feel sick. That's it, I'm sick. Go home. I've never been sick enough to leave in the middle of the day. What do I do? Go to the office? But I don't want to sit and wait there. Whew, the number of people looking at me is less. I was heading to the bike parking area. I'm going home now! Who cares about the office.
      No one was at the bike area, because it was lunch time. Keep it down Ben, don't think, just get home. I got going. Whew, this feels good. Moving. Getting away from the crowd. I concentrated on riding. Watch out for cars. Don't get hit. Watch out for glass on the road. It worked a little. Tony's angry face kept flashing up. I felt a rage building up against my sister. That helped to keep the tears down. Why is this taking so long? I'm hitting every red light.
      Almost home. I'll be able to let loose in a bit. I started trembling. Not now! Stop it Ben, I kept telling myself. There's the driveway. I can barely stay on the bike, I'm shaking so bad. I bared down to hold it in. Oh crud, I'm going to throw-up. Can I make it into the house or should I go for the yard? I think I can make it. I dropped my bike in the breeze-way and ran into the house. I just made it to the toilet and lost all my lunch. I started crying now. Oh, here comes another heave. I really hate this! There's a knock on the door.
      "Is that you Ben," said my Mother.
      "Yes," I croaked out.
      "What's wrong," she asked.
      "I don't know, I felt sick so I came home."
      She started to come in. I blocked the door. I didn't want her to see that I was crying.
      "I'll be OK in a bit. I just need to throw-up some more."
      "OK. I'll be out here," she said.
      Thank god I don't feel like throwing up any more. I got a towel and wiped my face. Whew, I have some control. Now I just need to get to my bedroom, past Mom. I looked at my self in the mirror. Yes, I look sick. I took a deep breath and went out. She came up to me and felt my forehead.
      "You feel warm."
      I nodded. "I'm going to go lay down. Maybe it's the flu."
      "OK. Let me know if you need anything."
      I made it out to my bedroom I laid down. I was cold, so I pulled the top blankets over me. No more tears were coming. I couldn't think of anything. I just fell asleep.
      "Ben," Mom said, as she came in. "Dinner's ready. Do you want to eat?"
      "No, I'm not too hungry. I just feel like sleeping."
      "OK. I'll check back later."
      The day's events started flashing by. 'Out of the way faggot.' The stares and pointing. Tony's anger. Tear's were starting now. He shoved me! 'Stay away from me!' he yelled. But we were going steady. Now I'm really letting loose. I don't know how long I cried. I thought of looking at the clock. Who cares. I was exhausted from the crying, so I fell asleep.
      I woke up to knocking on the door.
      "Ben," Mom said, "How are you feeling?" She came in. It was morning. "Are you going to school?"
      No way. I don't think I'm ever going back to school. "I still don't feel too good. Can I stay home?"
      "Sure Ben. Here let's get your temperature." she put a thermometer in my mouth.
      I just laid there, relieved that I wasn't going to school.
      Mom took out the thermometer. "Hmm, only a little high. Would you like some breakfast?" she asked.
      "I don't know."
      "How about milk toast?"
      Mom brought out the milk toast. I guess with my throwing up she wanted me to have something bland. It did make me feel better.
      I just stayed in my room, the rest of the day, mostly sleeping. Mom tried to get me to eat a toasted cheese sandwich. I ate half of it.
      Later she asked if I wanted dinner. I asked for the other half of the toasted cheese sandwich. I went to sleep after crying a little more. I just don't know what to do.
      The next morning, Mom came in again.
      "Are you feeling better this morning?" she asked.
      "No, I feel like staying home another day," I said, not looking at her. I just stared at the model on my desk.
      "Ben, something else is going on," she said.
      Well, I'm not going to talk about it. I'm done crying. It's over. "I'll be OK."
      "Look you haven't eaten much. If you don't tell me what is going on, I'm taking you to the doctor."
      So what! Can he see a broken heart? Tears were starting to form. Crap, the game is up! I looked down and tried to hold it in.
      She sat down on the bed. "Did you and Tony break up?" she asked.
      "Sort of," I said. Then I felt my anger at Cathy and the others. The tears stopped.
      "Cathy found out that Tony and I were seeing each other. I didn't know, but he's on the varsity football team, really popular. Cathy said all the girls are after him, and that she was going to tell..." I couldn't say, tell them that Tony and I are queers.
      I looked and saw my mother was looking angry.
      "People were looking at me, calling me names. Tony must have had it worse, because he said he never wanted to see me again." That's it, I lost it. She held me, while I cried. I calmed down after a few minutes.
      Mom pulled away. "It'll be OK. You can stay home today. I'm not sure what to do, but I'll have a talk with Cathy and she will stop. I guess she didn't realize how bad things could get."
      Oh, she understood, well enough!
      "Do you want to get up for breakfast?"
      "OK." I felt weak, but hungry again.
      After eating breakfast. I went back to my bedroom. I picked up my novel to read. I was still depressed and didn't want to think. I fell asleep while reading.
      I woke up and just stared at my alarm clock. 12:40, 12:41.
      "Ben," Mom called, "Tony's on the phone."
      What? How can that be? He's at school. Oh, it's lunch hour. But he doesn't want to see me.
      "I don't want to talk to him." I yelled back through the closed door.
      "Not now. Maybe later." He hurt me and I wasn't ready to talk to him.
      I heard her walk away. A few minutes later. She came out again, knocked on my door and entered.
      "Uh, Ben, Tony's coming over after school."
      "What! But he doesn't want to see me!"
      "He was really upset that you wouldn't talk to him. I asked him to come over."
      "But he acted like he hates me," I said.
      "If that were true, then why would he call, or agree to come over," she said, with infallible logic, that hit me like cold water.
      I practically leaped out of bed.
      "When's he coming over?" I asked, as I looked around for my shoes.
      "Not till after school," she chuckled. "Plenty of time to eat some lunch and take a shower."
      Is she implying I stink. Hmm, I probably do, it's been three days. "OK. I think I'll shower first."
      "How about a chicken sandwich," she asked.
      "Sounds good."
      I showered, ate lunch, and got ready for Tony. To pass the time, I grabbed the book, that he lent me, and started reading it, in the living room. No wonder he recommended it. It has a gay theme in the plot. 'Tony wants to see me,' kept going through my head.
      Around 3:30, the door bell rang. Tony! I opened the door. It was him. He had the same blue and white jacket on. He looked at me with a worried look.
      "Hi Tony." I smiled, but then I saw his cheek was bruised and had a scrape on it. My smile went away. "Come on in." I tried to smile again.
      "Hi Ben," he said. He step up to come in. He seemed so big now. He stared to move past me when I closed he door. I touched his shoulder, to turn him to me. I looked up at him. Eyebrows raised.
      "Tony?" I said as I started to move in to hug him. He better not back away from me. He didn't, he grabbed me into a tight hug. He felt so good. Mmm, he smells good too. But I can smell that fear smell from him. I started crying now. He was too! After about a minute, he started to get control.
      "Ah-em, uh, Ben why don't you and Tony go to your room?" said Mom.
      I nodded, and croaked out "OK."
      "We need to talk more when your Dad gets home, both of you... OK?" she said, firmly.
      We both nodded, wide-eyed.
      "My room's this way," I said as I opened the front door and lead Tony to my room, holding his hand.

Chapter 4

      On the way to my bedroom, all of 10 seconds, I thought about what I'm going to say to Tony. He's back, but what does that mean. Are we still going steady? Also he shoved me. Can I trust him? This is going to be hard, because I would rather just make-out with him and ignore all the problems. But I know they won't go away, because I know my parents, they'll ask hard questions.
      I lead him into my room, turned on the light, and locked the door.
      "Wow, what a cool room," said Tony.
      "Thanks," I said. But I wasn't going to be distracted by giving a tour of my room.
      I moved up to him and put my arms you around his neck. He pulled me close and we kissed. He started to move his tongue in deep, I pulled back and turned my head away, and hugged him close, with my nose in his neck.
      "Tony, we need to talk."
      "Oh, OK."
      I could tell he didn't want to. I moved my hand to his chest and started to push him backwards towards the bed. He moved, glancing back. When his legs hit the bed, I kept pushing, looking into his eyes. 'You shoved me,' I was thinking. He was surprised at my aggressive behavior. He flopped back on to the bed. I followed, but knelt beside him. He put his hand on my hand, that was still on his chest, and he grabbed my other hand to pull me down onto him. I shook my head and pulled back. He dropped his hand to stroke the side of my thigh and leg. He had a worried look now. I tried to ignore it.
      "Tony, I thought we were going steady. I haven't dated much, so I'm not sure what 'going-steady' means."
      "I'm sorry Ben," he sighed, "I'm always screwing up."
      "I know I was the cause of the problems you had," I looked at his cheek, "are having. But when we needed each other the most, you pushed me away. You actually did push me!"
      He started to get up. "Maybe it would be better for me to go," he said somewhat angerly. "I seem to just hurt you."
      I pushed him back. "Tony, when you leave it hurts. When I'm with you, I feel wonderful. Please don't go."
      He laid back, but didn't look at me.
      I looked down. What can I say? I want him so bad, but can I trust that he'll stay with me. I rubbed his chest.
      "Tony, do you want to be with me?"
      "Yes, Ben. I was just scared by the things everyone was saying."
      "I know, you've had it much worse than me. More people know you," I said. I moved my hand and touched his cheek, under the bruise. "Can you tell me about this?"
      "Oh that's nothing. They won't bother me anymore."
      "There was more than one?" I asked. He shrugged and didn't say any more.
      "Stop acting like a macho jock, what..." oh, "wait, you are a jock! Why didn't you tell me you were on the school's football team?"
      "You said you didn't like jocks," he said.
      "Maybe not as a group, but I really like you." I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. He tried to hold me down for more. Not yet, he needs to tell me what happened. I pulled back.
      "Are you good?" I asked.
      "Huh? Oh, I've scored a few TDs"
      Touchdowns, I translated. "My sister says all the girls are hot for you."
      He looked away. "Yeah, I guess. I try to ignore them. They just don't interest me."
      "What happened with the fight?" I asked again about his cheek. Why do I keep pressing him? Because getting beat up is my biggest fear.
      He sighed. "During practice on Monday, I had missed catching the ball, because it was thrown way past me. The guy covering me, slammed into me, and laughed as I fell. He said 'I always knew fairies couldn't run!' I got up and punched him in the stomach. I knocked the wind out of him. He went down to his knees. A buddy of his on the sidelines, ran over and started swinging at me. He didn't have his helmet on, so I got him in the nose. At that point others grabbed me and pulled me away from them. Coach sent me to the showers. Ever since, the guys have been avoiding me. The last few days, I'll hear whispers following me, and an occasional 'faggot'. But when I look around, people look away." He paused and looked at me.
      "I felt alone, and I thought of you and that I hadn't seen you during the lunch period. I asked around, and found out that you had not been to school since Monday, so that's why I called today. I was surprised when your Mom invited me over."
      "I'm glad she did. I really missed you Tony." I looked down.
      "Uh, if you get scared again Tony, are you going to run away again? I felt alone too."
      He got an 'evil' grin. He sat up. I couldn't stop him. "I'm going to get you now, and not let you go."
      "But, we're not done..." I tried to say.
      "Yes we are," he laughed as he lunged at me.
      I tried to get up, but he had a hold of me. I twisted around and was almost free, then he grabbed me around the waist and tossed me back on the bed. Wow, he was so fast and powerful. Was he going to hurt me? I better try to get free, till I'm sure. He started to pin me, but I squirmed out from under him. Then he got the wrist of one hand. He pulled, but I noticed that he was holding back. He was trying to not hurt me, I think. I had paused, so he got my other arm by the wrist. Now it was easy for him. He pulled my arms up and pushed me on my back, while he threw his leg over me and sat across my hips. I struggled with some anger, or was it shame, at how quickly he pinned me. No that wasn't quite it. I enjoyed being overpowered by him. What's wrong with me? Do I want to be hurt? Or is it that I like him to be aggressive? I relaxed. He was smiling at me. But how can that be? Surly he can see the anger on my face.
      "I don't want to hurt you Ben. I'll hold you and stay with you until you don't want me. I won't shove you away again."
      My face is hot, and tears are coming out. I can't think. He feels so good.
      He leaned down and kissed me. I tried to move my arms up to hold him, but he wouldn't let me. He backed off and licked my lips. I licked back at his tongue. He pushed in and swirled his tongue around mine and flicked at the spot he knew drove me crazy. I jumped. He pulled back and looked at me.
      "Are you ready lover-boy?"
      I nodded and relaxed more under him.
      "I wonder how much you can take?" he said.
      Oh my, this could get out of hand. He might try for more than kissing. He moved in again. He took his time going for the spot. He would hit it then back away. Then he moved in and started licking under my tongue. I moaned and started jerking to his tongue. He started flicking his tongue in rhythm to my jerking. Then I started to become more aware of the rest of his body. His chest pressing down on me. His legs straddling me. That's it, the heat in my face and the roaring in my ears. The peak passed, but he kept going. Another wave started at the back of my neck now. I concentrated on his weight on me. Now the peak was so strong I was crying. I turned my head to get away. It was too much. He let go of my wrists and held my head so I couldn't turn away. I put my hands up and held onto his shoulders. I tried to turn off the feelings, but I was just feeling too much of him. OK, if this is what he wants. I gave in completely to him. Another wave of pleasure was building, my ears were ringing and I felt my whole body go rigid.
      "Ben," I heard in the distance. "Ben." It was Tony calling me. Snap, I was back, gasping for air. I opened my eyes and saw Tony looking down at me. He had a worried look.
      "Ben, are you OK? You were like having a seizure."
      I was still trembling and drenched in sweat. "Hold me Tony."
      He slid his arms under me and held me. I trembled with more waves of pleasure and breathed hard.
      "I'm OK, but what happened. You were kissing me, then it was like I just woke up feeling wonderful."
      "I stopped when you really started shaking, but when you didn't stop, I got scared," he said.
      "Amazing. How long?" I asked.
      "Only a few seconds, but you were like gone." He was shaking. Is he crying?
      "I thought I had hurt you, by forcing you," he said
      "I heard you calling my name," I said.
      "You're not worried, Ben?" he sort of sobbed.
      "It felt so good. But you're right. I don't know." Is it safe? Maybe I am too young for this.
      We were both quiet for some time. I squirmed a little under Tony's weight. He rolled off of me on to his back. I turned to him and snuggled up to his side and put my leg over his. My head rested on his chest and his arm was around me. This felt so good. I put my arm around his chest and hugged him.
      "You feel so good Tony. Are we going steady again?"
      "Yes, Ben," he said as his arms hugged me back. "You'll have to work at it, to get rid of me now."
      I sighed, then I thought about the fight that he described to me. Something doesn't fit. He didn't say who hit him or how, because he had his helmet on. So how did his cheek get bruised?
      "Uh Tony? You still haven't told me who hit you in the face." He tensed up.
      "Yeah, well. When I was leaving the locker room yesterday, two guys, who were friends of the guy who's nose I hit, jumped me. The first one got me in the face, the other one in my stomach. Then they ran off as some other guys were coming out. They didn't see what happened, so they just ignored me."
      "What'll you do?" I kind of stuttered.
      "It's probably over. Those types only think of getting even. They did to me, what I did to their friends, so they're probably done."
      "But that's how it would have been before..." they knew you're gay, I wanted to say.
      "Yeah, I don't know."
      I hugged him. Man, that Cathy. It was not her place to tell others! Ah, Tony feels so good. I heard my Dad get home. He's home early, it's not quite 4:30. I'll just relax for now and enjoy cuddling with Tony.

      I must have dozed off, because I woke to knocking. Man, Tony wears me out.
      "Yes?" I called out.
      "It's me, Cathy. Can I come in?" she asked.
      Tony tensed up. I sat up and looked at the clock, about 5:15.
      "OK, just a minute." I said. "Is that OK," I whispered to Tony, who had an angry look on his face. He shrugged. I got up, straightened my clothes and combed my hair. Then I opened the door. Cathy came in. She had obviously been crying.
      "Mom and Dad, talked with me. I didn't realize how bad things could get. That you could get killed for who you are. I'm sorry," she said looking at the floor.
      Killed! "Who told you that?" I asked.
      "When I said it was no big deal. Dad told me, that he saw on the news last week, that some gay guys were murdered in a park. That the hatred of some people against other's being different can be used to justify most any action."
      "It'll be OK, Cathy. I don't think things will get that bad," I said. Mostly trying to convince myself. I only thought I would have to worry about getting beaten up!
      "So what are you going to do Cathy?" said Tony, almost with a growl.
      She looked up at him and kind of shrank back. "What do you mean?"
      "So what if you're sorry. What are you going to do to help?" he replied.
      "What can I do? Why should I..." she started to say.
      "I'll tell you why," Tony interrupted, "because if you don't start reversing the rumor that you started, I'll see to it that a rumor starts about you. About how you like multiple guys at the same time. That you like to be forced and no matter what you say you love it. I know a number of guys on the team who are into that kind of thing."
      I was shocked, "Tony! That would be as bad or worse than what she did to us."
      "Exactly," he sneered.
      Cathy was crying. She was turning, about to leave.
      "Wait Cathy. Tony, you won't do that? Will you?"
      "Not if she helps out," he replied.
      "But how?" she croaked out.
      "Let's see," Tony sat back to think. "You could say that I was trying to be friends with Ben so that I could get to you. But when you found out, you were angry, so you spread a lie."
      "But why would I do that?" she asked.
      "Because you already have a boyfriend, and you didn't want him to find out that you would dump him for me, if I was really serious."
      Her eyes got wide. "That's almost the truth." She looked down realizing what she'd revealed. "It might work.
      "Oh, Mom said dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."
      "OK. Thanks Cathy," I said. She left. I looked at Tony. "Would you have really said that about Cathy?"
      "No. But I wanted her to feel the fear, that she's put us through."
      I nodded, even though I thought it was mean.
      "So we're going to try to hide?" I asked.
      "If we can. It's going to be hard," he said.
      "Let's go to dinner," I said. We got up from sitting on the edge of the bed. I hugged him. When I looked up, he kissed me. His tongue entered my mouth, but for the first time, he didn't touch my hot spot. Was he scared of my reaction? Sigh. It felt wonderful holding him though. I pressed against him and shivered. He broke the kiss.
      "Wow, you sure get turned-on quick!" he said.
      Sorry, what can I say. I just gave him a squeeze. "Let's go."
      Dinner was nice. We had spaghetti and salad. Cathy was quiet through the whole meal. We just talked about the weather, world news, and I found out more about Tony's football games. He had games just about every Friday evening. The next game will be at another high-school. He had practice for two hours after school, almost everyday. He had skipped practice today, to see me. After dinner, Cathy went to her room. We all helped clear the table. Dad said that we needed to talk about about our situation. We went to the living room. Tony and I sat on the couch, close, but not touching.
      Mom started. "I called the school, this afternoon, to see what they could do to help." she looked at my Dad, "they couldn't offer any help, they said it was all our problem. Even when I pointed out the potential of violence," she looked at Tony, "they said that happens with kids, can't do anything about it to prevent it. They suggested the boys not provoke anything with any overt displays."
      This is not good. We haven't done anything in front of anyone!
      "I've asked around too," Dad said. "There were some hints about gays organizing, but no one could help with anything for youths. Most were shocked that I would talk about such things. More than once, it was suggested that we just kick Ben out."
      Oh god!
      Dad looked at me, "That will never happen Ben.
      "Even though the we're in the middle of the so called sexual-revolution, it looks like gays are not included," he said.
      "Maybe we can just hide again," I said. "Tony and I talked to Cathy. She might be able to reverse the rumor that she started."
      "That might work, but people tend to believe the worst about others. Once it starts, it's hard to reverse," Mom said. "But that might be your only choice, until we can find more help."
      "The biggest problem is your safety," Dad said. "You'll need to be very careful in public..."
      "Dad, we've been doing that for years. That part is not hard," I said. "But I guess it might be harder if Tony is around, I haven't had practice with hiding that." Tony was smiling at me.
      "This isn't very satisfying, but we'll talk more," Dad said. "Is there anything else we need to talk about?"
      "Well," Tony started, "I was wondering if we could talk to a doctor."
      "What's wrong," Mom quickly asked.
      Oh no he's not going to talk about that with my parents! "Tony!"
      He looked at me and took my hand.
      "Please Tony, don't say anything," I whispered, "it's too embarrassing."
      He squeezed my hand.
      "It's just something private that we need to talk to some one about. Maybe a psychiatrist?" he said.
      "We can ask around," Mom said.
      "Any preference for who you would talk to, male or female?"
      Tony thought. "A gay male or a woman would be fine," he said.
      They nodded.
      I wanted to change the topic. "Uh, Cathy mentioned that some gay men have been killed?"
      "Yes," Dad said, "we saw that on the news last week. Two men were murdered in a park frequented by gay men. I told Cathy that, because she thought this was all a big joke. She had to understand how serious hate can be.
      "I forgot to mention, that you two need to know that this will be a safe place for you. We'll try to keep things quiet, but you need to have a place where you can let your guard down," Dad said.
      "I did come across a friend, at work, who pointed out how lonely it is to continually be hiding. It's hard for me to understand, but I'm starting too see. He also pointed out that suicide of gay teens is much higher than regular teens. Both of you need to know that no matter how bad things may get, we'll be there for you. There are always options better than killing yourself. Even if you don't stay with Ben, you can come to us anytime Tony."
      "OK," he said.
      "Another reason for hiding," Mom said, "is you might not be sure that this is how you want your life to go. It's a really hard life..." Dad was shaking his head at her. "Well," she continued, "you just need to not close all the doors."
      "OK Mom," I said. Tony nodded, but he squeezed my hand. I squeezed back. I'm staying with you Tony!
      "Well, I guess that's enough for now," Dad said.
      We nodded.
      "Actually, I should be going home," said Tony.
      "OK, we'll see you around," Mom said.
      Tony got up. I didn't let go of his hand. We got outside pretty quick.
      "Whew, that was intense," I said.
      "No kidding!"
      We were in the breeze-way, out of sight of the street. Tony pulled me into a hug. He felt nice and warm, especially in the chilly night air. We just stood there, neither of us wanting to move. Then Tony pulled back a bit and found my lips. He kissed with soft gentle licks and kisses, no deep intense probing. It still felt very nice. He held me back and we looked into each other's eyes. It was so intense, I almost looked away, but I didn't.
      "Bye, lover-boy," he said.
      "Bye, hot-stuff," I replied. I grinned. I guess those names are sticking.
      We then did a quick kiss and a hug. He left for his car. He looked back and we waved as he went around the corner. I wanted to be alone, so I went to my room.
      I sat on the side of my bed. I feel so lonely without Tony now. Why can't he stay and sleep with me? Oh sure, like we would sleep. Sigh. I'm the one who keeps holding back on going further, but that's all I seem to think about!
      I laid back and thought about the afternoon and evening. It feels like two days have passed. It was only this morning that I was depressed about breaking up with Tony! Now we seem to be together even more than before.
      But now we have to pretend we don't know each other. Back to hiding and acting like I'm alone. Well, I guess that's better then really being alone. I wonder if Cathy's reverse rumor will work? It's a big school, who knows? Anger. This is ridiculous. We're alone with this! Even my parents can't find anyone to talk to for advice?! I've never seen them so stumped over what to do. They always seemed to have all the answers. Well good, they are starting to see how unfun it is to hide something like this. Anger. I don't want to hide anymore. We're not hurting anyone! Apparently there are some out there willing to hurt us. There's another reason for wanting Tony, I feel safe with him. He's not afraid to confront others. I'd rather avoid problems, but if he got in a fight, I'd try to protect his back and look for any advantage. I hate thinking along these lines, but thinking about how I will react with different situations will help me react quickly, rather that standing there wondering what I should do.
      Sigh, I'll think about that later. I would rather think about holding Tony. And kissing him! What happened this afternoon was incredible! I'd like to try that again. But it seemed to scare Tony. Hmm, no solution there. We'll just have to wait to talk to someone.
      I spent the rest of the evening watching TV. Then I went to bed thinking about Tony holding me. Man, I've got it bad. I'm in love with Tony. What was that! I love him? I fell asleep smiling.

      The rest of the week we didn't see each other at school. We talked on the phone each night. The harassment seems to be almost disappearing. I noticed fewer stares now. Tony went to the game at the other high-school. Our team lost. He called me late. He said he could come over today, Saturday.
      Tony came over a little after 1pm.
      Mom went to get groceries. We stayed in the living room, sitting next to each other on the couch. I put my arm around him and turned to kiss him.
      "I want you so much Ben. When are we going to do it?" Tony said. I sighed and looked down.
      "You're such a tease," he said. Ouch. There it is again. I thought he could wait. I didn't want to argue. I turned towards him, swinging my leg over his lap an knelt straddling his legs. He had a surprised look on his face and was looking a little red. I put my hands on his shoulders and rubbed them up and down his arms and biceps. He put his hands on my waist.
      "I really want you too Tony, but once we start... I, we need to know that we have more in common than that." He looked a little hurt now. Oh no, almost angry. I looked down. "That's what happened with me and Dave. After I said we needed to cool-it, he left and won't hardly look at me anymore. Not that I want to talk to him after the things he told other people about me."
      "I don't think he told many others. Certainly not anyone who would cause problems. Actually, if he hadn't said those things, I probably would not have noticed you," he replied. "I'm still sorry about what I said the first time I talked to you. Maybe this is your way of punishing me?" He was grinning.
      "No. It's OK now." I leaned in to hug him. What does he know about Dave? I leaned back.
      "So how do you know Dave?" I asked. He started to talk, then he noticed how closely I was watching him. He looked away and squirmed. Now he knows what I mean.
      "Well there's nothing going on between me and him. There used to be, a few months before you."
      I just nodded, for him to continue.
      "Well we didn't do much," he said, then he looked up at me. I could almost hear his thought: 'not as much as what you and he did.' I looked away.
      "Anyway, when I tried to kiss him, he said he didn't go for that kind of queer stuff. We stopped getting together.
      "I hadn't seen him for over a month, but we were passing in the hall. I stopped and we talked. I asked if he'd found someone else to play with. He mentioned you, and told me the things that you and he had done. That blew me away. He then said that you had the same problem I had. You wanted to kiss and hug. That was the moment I realized I wanted to meet you. I asked for your name. He wasn't going to tell me, but I think he was just having fun, because he offered to point you out to me during lunch."
      "Ah, so that's how you knew me," I said.
      He nodded. "I watched you for a whole week. I even walked right in front of you one day. You didn't seem to even see me. I was going nuts looking at you and fantasizing, so I got up the guts to talk to you."
      "Then, I burned you with my reply," I said.
      "Yeah. I thought I'd really blown-it, or that Dave had pointed out the wrong guy. So I talked to Dave again. He was laughing at how I was sure that he was wrong about you. Man, you are a good actor Ben, I was convinced that you were straight. So Dave described in even more detail what you guys did. I thought I was going nuts before, now it was intolerable. I spent the rest of the week thinking about how to approach you. Just before I finally got the nerve to talk to you again, Dave told me to just be myself."
      Wow! That was a neat story. Tony looked up at me, kind of worried. I smiled at him, and put my hands on his cheeks, stroking his skin. Time for a kiss.
      I leaned down to kiss him. As I did, I slid my arms under his and around his back and snuggled up close. As I pushed against him he slid to the side and laid down so that I was now on top of him and my hands were stuck behind his back. His hands were rubbing my back while we kissed. He pushed his tongue deep into my mouth and licked it around my tongue. I licked his tongue back and sucked on it a little. Then I pressed down and opened up to get more of it in. He moaned and slide his tongue under mine and hit the spot that made me reel with pleasure. I moaned now and squeezed him with my hands to let him know that I really liked it. He spread his legs, and with his hands, he pressed on the sides of my legs, so that I would move them between his. His tongue backed off. I moved my legs between his and as I pulled back from the kiss he moved his feet over my legs so that I was pined.
      "Wow, that was incredible!" I said, as I pulled back to to look into his beautiful brown eyes.
      "Would you like more?" he asked. Then I noticed he was hard and using a hand in the small of my back to press me on to himself. I reflexively started to pull back. He held me tight with his arms and legs.
      "It's OK," he said. I relaxed back down onto him and sighed. I pushed myself at him and felt myself getting hard.
      "Yes, it is. You feel nice Tony."
      "You really are someone special Ben. Not to mention really hot-stuff."
      "Mmm." I snuggled up to him. Then I heard the jingle of keys outside. "My Mom!" I moved to get up. Tony tightened up and held on to me. "Let me up!" I hissed.
      "No. I want to see how approving your parents really are," he answered. I struggled a little more, but then I just relaxed when the door opened.
      "Oh," she said as she came in with an arm full of groceries, "Hi guys."
      "Hi," I said. "Uh, sorry but he wouldn't let me get up." I struggled a little to demonstrate.
      She smirked, "Do you really want to get up?"
      I started to to blush, "Not really."
      "Then you're OK," and she walked into the kitchen to put the groceries away. I relaxed back down onto Tony and sighed.
      "Man you are tense," he said, chuckling as he rubbed my back. I didn't know what to say, I was still shocked by what happened. He must have been tense too, or getting hot with me on him, because I could smell his sweat. I took another deep smell of him. I turned my head and whispered in his ear, "I love you Tony."
      He hugged me tight. "I love you too sweetie," he whispered back. I leaned up to look at him smiling. This position was starting to get uncomfortable, but I moved in for a kiss. He pressed my head down with his hand behind my head, while his tongue pushed in to find 'that spot' again. Then he hit it, I went ridged. He paused a moment, and I felt his hard penis pressing up. Oh, no, not here, my Mom is in the kitchen. I can't do this here. It was too intense. I pulled back. It wasn't easy, because I had no leverage. Tony let me pull back. He had a worried look.
      "I'm getting uncomfortable, can you let me up a little?" I said. He removed his arms and legs off me so I could move anywhere. I thought of getting up, but he had a worried look. So I moved my legs up to kneel across him and I pulled my hands from under his back. I sat up and shook them around, because they were tingling. I grinned. "My hands were starting to fall asleep." I put my hands down on his chest, then remembered my Mom, so I moved them to his arms, and I snuggled down on top of him again, kissing his neck.
      "Ah-em. Would you like to stay for dinner Tony?" Mom asked. I partially sat up. He had his hands on my waist. He glanced at her, then looked at me smiling at him, with my eyebrows raised, pleading that he say yes.
      "Sure," he said, "I need to let my Mom know though."
      "OK, we'll eat around six o'clock" and she went back in to the kitchen.
      I started to lean down to cuddle some more when my sister came in. She looked at us and said, "Eww, do you have to do that in the living room?" she moaned.
      "We're not doing anything," I said.
      "Not yet," said Tony as he grabbed my shirt and pulled me down to his lips. he wasted no time going right for the sensitive spot. With periphial vision, I saw Cathy stand there for a moment, then she fled for her room. I started laughing. Interesting, it's not possible to kiss deep while laughing. I turned my head and laughed into Tony's neck. Tony was laughing too.
      "You guys shouldn't tease her," Mom called out from the kitchen.
      "Do you know how many times I've had to watch her and Joe making out?" I replied. No answer. Hmm.
      I'm thirsty. "Would you like something to drink, Tony?" I asked, as I got off of him.
      "Sure. I'll have some milk."
      I stopped to turn on the stereo and tuner. "Want to find a good station?"
      I came back with two milks. After we each drank about half a glass, the song "Crimson and Clover" came on. One of my favorites. I looked at Tony and smiled, just watching him. He set his glass down. And stood up.
      "Come here," he said, and took my hand to pull me up. He lead me to the center of the living room, pulled me to himself, and started slow dancing with me. Mmm, this feels so good. I nuzzled into his neck and kissed him there. His hair tickled my nose. We pressed together. I could feel his hard-on, which he was rubbing side to side against me.
      "Uh, Tony," I whispered, as I pulled back a bit. He just chuckled. I pushed back at him, but he didn't move side to side as much now.
      The song ended and the song "Sugar" started. He must have found a top-50 station. The beat was way to fast to slow dance to. He pulled away and held my hands. He started moving me with sort of swing-dance moves. I started blushing. I'm a klutz at dancing and hate making mistakes. But he took it slow and moved me through some spins and back and forth moves. He was leading, so it was easy to follow what he wanted. Wow, this really is easy. Now that he had taught me about four simple moves, he started us going faster to match the song's beat. After about three minutes, I saw my Mom looking at us from the kitchen door, grinning. I froze and just laughed with embarrassment. Tony looked back and saw her. He just grinned and pulled me into a hug.
      "You don't know how many times I've tried to teach him how to dance. You two looked good, together," Mom said.
      Tony was sweating. Mmm, his smell is such a turn on. But I was too embarrassed to continue dancing.
      "I think, I'll call my Mom and let her know I'll be here for dinner," Tony said.
      I watched him walk away. This is an afternoon to remember.
      Tony was driving us to the psychiatrist's office. I was navigating. I thought back to the first part of the week. Saturday was wonderful with Tony. We had a nice quiet dinner, after we danced, then he and I cuddled while we watched some TV with my family. Tony couldn't come over on Sunday. Because of all the football practice, it's his main homework catch-up day. Monday, Mom told me that she had found a psychiatrist who could talk to Tony and me. She asked if Wednesday at 4pm would be OK with Tony. I called him and found out that he could leave practice early. Things at school seemed to be almost back to normal.
      So now we were on the way to see this woman psychologist, who was near the downtown park.
      "There it is," I said pointing at a six story office building. Her office was on the third floor. We waited in the reception room in separate chairs next to each other. I was nervous, as usual, but Tony seemed so calm. A man left the main office. Then the door opened again, and a small woman came out.
      "Hi I'm Dr. Martin. You're Ben and Tony?" she asked. We got up.
      Tony held out his hand and said, "Yes, I'm Tony."
      "I'm Ben," I said, and shook her hand. She had one of those handshakes where only the fingers are offered. It feels kind of creepy. Oh well.
      She directed us into her office and for us to sit on a couch, while she took a single chair across from us.
      "So I talked with your Mom, Ben," she said as she looked at me, "She told me that you're a couple and that you have some questions."
      I was turning red already! I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
      "It's OK, I've worked with gay men before, but not often with young men like you two."
      Wow, she called us young men. Cool.
      Tony started, "Well we had some questions about... sex, I guess."
      Jeeze, Tony, just jump right in! I interrupted, "Uh, Dr. Martin, this is confidential, right?"
      "Absolutely," she assured. "Nothing you say will be repeated to anyone. Well, I might talk to some colleagues, but not with your names. Only illegal acts, that may cause immediate harm to another person would be a problem."
      "Is sex between two guys illegal," I asked.
      "Not in California," she said.
      "What about age?"
      "Ben so long as no one is getting hurt, I don't see that we would have a problem here," she said, trying to look reassuring.
      "Now, Tony?" she asked, looking at him.
      He's blinking at me, not sure if he should continue. That's strange. Oh, that's right, he thinks he hurt me.
      "Tony wants, to ask about something that happens when we kiss," I said looking at him. It's OK Tony. He nodded and smiled at me. Then he looked at the Dr.
      "Yes, uh, when I kiss Ben a certain way, he gets, well excited."
      She looked at him and nodded.
      "One time during kissing, he seemed to be having a seizure. For about a minute he wouldn't stop. It felt like a lot longer though."
      Huh, he told me it was a few seconds.
      "Was he breathing," she asked.
      "Sort of, but it scared me. He only stopped after I got off of him, and shook him a little..." his voice cracked. He cleared his throat.
      "I see," she said. "How did you feel Ben?"
      A minute! No wonder you were scared Tony. That would scare me too.
      "It felt great! But it was kind of like I blacked out. Actually it was more like a white-out. Everything was bright and intense, but that's all I can remember."
      She nodded. "Has this happened before?"
      "Yes, but not to the same degree."
      "Was it with kissing too?" she asked.
      I looked at Tony, I looked down, trying to think of a half truth. I was wringing my hands. Tony reached over and took a hand with both his.
      He whispered, "It's OK Ben, remember Dave told me about you and him."
      Oh, that's right. It's still not easy. "No. Dave doesn't kiss."
      "Was it with anal sex?" she asked.
      I nodded, blushing. I must be bright red now, because I was remembering the feeling of Dave in me. I didn't look at Tony.
      "Is the feeling localized to one place or all over?" she asked.
      Oh god, do I have to describe it all in detail? But, I want to know the answer to what this is. Just detach, pretend it's not me, just talk about it like any other body function.
      "It starts out at one place, then any place and every place were I'm being touched makes me, uh," me cum! Think of something else. "have a good feeling, but I haven't cum."
      "No ejaculation?" she ask.
      I shook my head. "None."
      "Does this happen multiple times or only once?" she asked more.
      "Huh?" I thought I had already said it's happened before.
      "I mean, within a short time, do you have the same good feeling," she clarified.
      "Oh. Well, yes. And each time is stronger."
      "OK," she said. "Sorry about the embarrassing questions. You don't have anything to worry about Ben. What you feel is a kind of orgasm that is more common with women. Your whole body gets involved. It's rare with men, but it can happen. I've heard that with anal sex, it is more likely, but it is still rare."
      Tony is beaming at me. Now he's going to really want it!
      "Actually the trance-like state is quite rare, even with women," she said. "You're pretty lucky Ben. I can see why it would be scary though."
      "Wow," Tony says. "You mean, it's OK? It can't hurt him?"
      "Oh, Tony," I giggled, and shoved at his shoulder.
      "Now he's going to be more insistent," I said looking at the Dr. "I want to wait, but he wants to do more now." I shrugged.
      She nodded, "That's a problem that is common to many couples. There's no easy answer, other than it is certainly OK, if you both are ready."
      I nodded, "He said he could wait."
      "I can Ben, but I'm just checking to see if you've changed your mind," he said.
      "You'll be the first to know when I've changed my mind," I said laughing. Tony laughed too.
      I looked at the Dr. again. She was smiling. "But it doesn't seem fair to Tony that his kissing sets me off, but I don't do more for him," I asked.
      She looked thoughtful. "Is that OK with you Tony. Do you feel like that's a problem."
      "Oh no, I like making him cum," he blurted out. Then he turned red, when he saw my shocked face, and realized what he'd said.
      "He's always making me blush," I said giggling, "Finally, I get to see him embarrassed.
      "Do you know what he said to me, when he first talked to me?"
      "Sorry, Tony. I guess it's funny now." I looked at Dr. Martin. She had a questioning look, but I wasn't going to say anything more. I just smiled at her.
      "Oh OK," said Tony "you can tell her."
      "It was something like, 'Dave says you are a good lay, would you like to go out with me?' If he hadn't mentioned Dave, I would have blasted him more then I did. Mainly I was scared."
      "Of being found out?" she asked.
      I nodded.
      "That's another topic we can talk about. Ben's Mom said that you two will try to stay closeted," she said.
      "What's that?" Tony asked. I figured it was a term for hiding, but I wasn't sure.
      "It means you'll keep your relationship secret. More generally, you'll keep your sexual orientation secret." she said.
      "Well it's not totally secret," I jumped in, "My family knows."
      "Yes, there are different levels of being out," she replied. "How are things going with other people?"
      Out, closeted, where are these terms coming from? Oh, she's asked how things are going.
      "Well things seemed to get really tense last week when my sister blabbed about us. But things seem to be calming down, now that she's reversed her first story, I think." I looked at Tony. "You haven't told me how things have been?" I said to Tony.
      He looked down. "It's not as bad as last week, but most of the team members will barely talk to me. They don't joke around with me much."
      "It's hard, hiding something that is so fundamental to yourself," she commented.
      He nodded. "Actually I'm more worried about my family. My Dad is always telling faggot jokes around me. One time he said if I didn't start going out with girls, people will start to think I was a fairy. Mom's even made comments about my not going out with girls. I just tell them that I'm shy around girls."
      "It's hard to know what people's real reactions will be when they find out. Sometimes people already know, but they don't want to confront the problems. Other people may feel very threatened, and react very badly."
      So. I already knew that. She must have notice my blank stare, because she continued.
      "I don't have much help for when or who you can tell. But you might consider this. If you are getting closer to someone, so that there is more trust, and it is taking more energy to stay closeted than it would to deal with the person's reaction, even if it is bad, then it might be OK to come out to that person. Unfortunately, you'll still have to risk that that person may reject you. If you think the other person might become violent, then you might want to never telling them or make sure that you are in a safe place, where other's would help you, if there were problems."
      I nodded that I understood. Tony was looking worried. Probably thinking about his Dad.
      "Coming out gradually is probably best for guys your age, because many teens are trying to identify with themselves sexually, and they can be easily threatened by gay people," she said. "Also, many teens are experimenting, so you don't want to get labeled, in case you don't want to follow the gay lifestyle."
      I'm NOT experimenting! I looked at Tony and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back and looked at me, smiling. I grinned back. "I'm not experimenting," I whispered to him. He nodded.
      When I looked back, I saw she was looking at us closely.
      "Anyway, after you tell enough people, you will eventually be as out as you need to be."
      I felt sad. "You mean I won't be able to hold his hand or hug him in public?"
      She shrugged. "Many straight couples have trouble showing affection in public. You'll have to be the judge of how you think people around you will react. Some gays consider that a problem for others, if they can't deal with it, tough! But in your case, I would try to stay safe, until you have learned where it would be OK."
      "You mentioned other gays," I said, "but how do we find them? At first I felt alone by myself, now I'm feeling like it's only Tony and me."
      She looked away and thought.
      She looked back at me. "You know how easy it is to stay hidden, if you don't act on your feelings. So you are not likely to met any closeted gays, until you are more out. So that leaves, others who are mostly out. Hmm, I could ask some of the gay men who've come to me, but it might be better to find a gay couple who has been together for a while. I can ask some colleagues for some referrals, if that's OK with you? Also I should get your parent's permission first."
      "No way," said Tony.
      She nodded. "It might be OK, if only Ben's parents are told then."
      I nodded.
      "OK, I'll see if I can find a gay couple for you two to talk to.
      "Our time is just about up. Is there anything else?" she asked.
      I shook my head. Wow, we might get to talk to someone like us! I looked at Tony. He had a wide-eyed look. I squeezed his hand and he looked at me smiling.
      "I've got to say that, from what I've seen so far, you two communicate very well with each other," she said, "So you two are off to a good start."
      That's a nice compliment. "Thanks," I said.
      She stood up. So we did too. As we stepped towards the door, I sadly let go of Tony's hand as he walked ahead of me.
      "You look like you could use a hug Ben," said Dr. Martin.
      Tony stopped and I bumped into him, because I looked at her. Really? Tony pulled me into a big bear hug. I put my arms around his chest and buried my face into his shoulder, and sighed. I squeezed him and rubbed his back. Then I pulled away. Tony still had his arm around my waist. I was trying to hold it together.
      "Thanks, Dr. Martin," He said, and shook her hand.
      I just nodded, but I only glanced at her. Why did she do that to me? I was OK until Tony hugged me.
      "It'll be OK Ben. Just give me a call if you or Tony would like to talk more," she said.
      Whew, I got control now. "OK, thanks," I said. I won't let her jerk my chain anymore, though.
      Tony opened the door and I got out of there quickly. Things seem to be getting better, but there was so much to think about.
      On the ride back I was thinking about what was bothering me. Why did I feel depressed at the end of the session? Things actually seemed like they should have been better. Was it the meeting that we might have with another couple? Nope, that could be fun. Being closeted? Hmm, that's annoying at times, but not depressing. The orgasm explanation? Like a woman. But I'm not a woman. I don't want to be a woman. But do I act like one?
      "You're kind of quiet, Ben. Is everything OK?"
      I jumped. "Yes. I was just thinking about what Dr. Martin said."
      "About what?" he asked.
      About having orgasms like a woman. Is that what he sees in me? I sure hope not. OK here goes.
      "Do you like me because I'm like a girl?" I asked him.
      "Huh, where'd that come from? I don't think you're like a girl. I like guys, and you definitely are a guy."
      But I'm passive and seem to cry a lot. Sigh. I don't want to dispute what he said though. The first thing he said to me, 'I heard you're a good lay', was what most guys would like to say to girls they are attracted to. Of course guys learn real quick that that approach rarely works.
      Tony is squirming. Is he getting nervous by my silence?
      "Does it bother you when I get on top of you, or hold you down?" he asked.
      Yes I bothers me, because I like it so much, but I don't know why. I like it when he takes control. What does he really want from me?
      I looked at him driving. He glance at me with a questioning look. OK, let's see where this goes.
      "No, I like it when you get on top of me Tony. I like it a lot. But is that what you want? Does it bother you that I'm so passive?"
      "You're far from passive Ben! You let me know what you'll allow. But you respond intensely to what you do let me do. I'm amazed that I can turn you on so much."
      "Doesn't that scare you?" I asked.
      "Before we talked to Dr. Martin, yes. But now I see that it is just how you respond."
      "Sometimes I like being in control. But not much," I said.
      "You're very much in control Ben, like I said." He was glaring at the road and gripping the steering wheel tightly. He's angry? Oh, my limits on what we can do.
      "I didn't mean that Tony, I meant being on top."
      "Oh," he said relaxing. "You've been on top."
      I laughed, "Yeah, I remember the last time. I was on top, and I couldn't get up when my mother walked in!"
      He grinned.
      "But I didn't mind that much. I like being held by you Tony.
      "Do you like being held Tony?" I asked.
      "Well of course, but I feel you holding me all the time Ben."
      I don't think he understood what I meant. Oh well, I'll just have to remember to hold him, sometime, the way he holds me.
      Tony took the freeway exit that leads to my house. We are about ten minutes away now.
      "So what do you think about meeting another gay couple?" I asked.
      "That would be cool," he said. "Maybe they can clue us in to more words and stuff. Like I'd never heard the terms closeted or out. Also the top/bottom topic that seems to be bothering you."
      Hmm, top/bottom. I hadn't thought of it quite that way.
      I chuckled. "You'll probably embarrass the hell out of them, with that line of questioning. I couldn't believe how you just started out with Dr. Martin."
      He shrugged, "I thought that was what we were there for. It turned out OK didn't it."
      "Oh sure. It didn't answer everything, but at least we know we're normal. Uh, for who we are anyway," I said.
      "I don't know, she said you were pretty rare. Though I wish you were bare."
      I groaned, now he's getting silly. We traded grins at each other.
      He chucked, "Sorry, I get almost high, just talking with you."
      Man he's good with the complements!
      Tony pulled into my driveway. Hmm, only five minutes to get here. Oh well.
      "Would you like to come in?" I asked. Though I was ready to plead.
      "I have a lot of homework," he said, "well, maybe for a little bit," he added after looking at me.
      That night I thought more about the visit at the psychiatrist. and afterwards.
      Tony did come in and we said hi to my Mom. She asked how things went. I told her it was really useful. Also I told her that Dr. Martin may find an older gay couple for us to talk to. She seem a little surprised by this, sort of like she didn't like the idea. So I mentioned that Dr. Martin would probably talk to her about that more.
      Tony stayed about ten minutes. I wanted to get him into my bedroom, but there wasn't time. He had to get home to dinner. I walked him out and we had a wonderful kiss in the breeze-way. He left me feeling all weak and tingly.
      Sigh, I won't see him again until the weekend, because he has practice and homework. Friday nights are out too, with football games. Wait a minute, I can got to the game and see him play. I could see what he spends so much time doing. He must enjoy it.
      Thursday I was in my room before dinner.
      "Ben, Tony's on the phone," Mom called out.
      "Thanks." I ran to the phone in the kitchen.
      "Hi hot-stuff," I said into the phone. Tony better be the one I'm saying that to.
      "Hi lover-boy," he said. Whew. "How you doing?"
      "Fine," I said. I moved around the corner, into the other room, away from my Mom at the stove. I shut the door on the phone cord.
      "Have you heard from Dr. Martin?" he asked.
      "No. I guess she's pretty busy. It might be at least a week before we hear from her.
      "You all ready for the game tomorrow?" I asked
      "Yup, we'll probably beat them," he said.
      "Say Tony, would it be OK for me to come watch you play?"
      "Sure, but I didn't think that you liked football."
      "Well that was before . Now I have a boyfriend who plays football," who I want to see..., hee hee, this will get him, "and I would like to watch him run around the field getting sweaty with the other guys," I said, trying not to laugh into the phone. I heard him groan.
      "Are you blushing?" I asked.
      "Yes you are, I can tell."
      "OK, OK. How am I going to be able to play, knowing you're thinking that, while you're watching me!"
      I chuckled. "I'm getting better at embarrassing you!"
      "And I know exactly how to get you back too," he said, with an evil sounding laugh.
      "Do you promise?"
      "Ah, you think you'll enjoy it. We shall see," he said, with another fake evil laugh.
      Whoops, now that I've got him going, how do I turn him off? Darn, I can't think of a come-back. Oh well, back to the football game.
      "What time does the game start?" I asked.
      "At 7:30. You'll probably want to get there before 7, if you want a good seat."
      I saw Mom motioning to me through the door's window. Oh dinner is ready. I nodded back.
      "I have to be there even earlier to warmup and get the last minute game plans," he said
      "OK. I'll be there. I need to go to dinner in a bit. Can I see you after the game?"
      "I don't know, I usually go out with the guys, especially after we win," he said. "But, that was before. It might not be work out that way now. I could give you a call around ten to let you know. Would that be too late?"
      "No, that'll be fine," I said. Not really, but it was better than nothing. "Well, I have to go."
      "OK, bye lover-boy."
      Hot-Stuff? No, something different. Ah.
      "Bye my boyfriend. I love you Tony."
      "I love you too Ben. Bye." <click>
      Whew. I can't wait till Friday night.
      At dinner I told Mom and Dad that I was planning on going to the game on Friday. Dad offered to go with me. At first I thought of saying no, but Dad driving us there would be a lot easier and warmer than riding my bike. Besides, I really didn't want to go alone.

      Friday, after a quick dinner, Dad and I left for the high-school. I'd never been to a game. It was pretty exciting with the stadium lights blazing. Even though we were there before 7pm, there was still quite a crowd. We found a place near the 50 yard line and up high enough to see over the heads of people walking around the side lines. The band would play some catchy pieces. But the trumpet was the funniest, when it would play 'charge,' and everyone was sort of obligated to yell "charge!" It was silly, but energizing.
      Finally it was 7:30. The home team stand was packed. The visiting team side was only about a third full. The players came running out. They introduced the players. I wondered if they always do that. I looked for Tony. I didn't see him till they called out his name and he waved. "18, Tony Meyers." I hardly recognized him. He was huge in the uniform. I felt a pang of love. That's the guy I care about. You other guys better not hurt him. Get a grip Ben, isn't that the whole point? After the introductions, the band played the national anthem and most people sang along.
      OK the game started. It was just like any other football game, but I noticed that I liked watching it live. I hate watching football on TV. Now what was different? Sure being in the crowd and hearing the band makes it more interesting, but there was something else. Well of course Tony was playing. So far I'd seen only one pass thrown towards him. A number of times I saw he was open, so why didn't they throw it to him? Maybe that's what's interesting, I'm can see the whole field and see where the ball doesn't go. TV only shows where the ball goes. There was a pile up that looked like it included Tony. They got up and there was a guy still laying there. Whew, not Tony. The guy was able to get up after a bit. The next play Tony caught a pass, and ran it up to 5 yards from the goal, before being tackled. They scored during the next play.
      The second quarter ended just after the other side kicked. Half time now. The band started marching out on to the field. Someone sat down beside me. I looked over. Dave! I jumped.
      "Hi Ben," he said, smiling.
      "Hi Dave." I leaned back. "Uh, this is my Dad. Dad this is Dave," I said to introduce them. Dad reached out and they shook hands.
      "Nice to meet you Dave," said Dad.
      "Nice to meet you sir."
      Dad stood up. "Would you like something to drink or eat Ben, or Dave?" he asked.
      Ah, he's leaving to let us talk. "Sure, I'll have a coke," I said.
      "No thanks," said Dave.
      He left.
      "It looks like your boyfriend is playing well tonight."
      "Dave! Shhh," I whispered. How loud did he say that? Could other's hear?
      Dave just shrugged. "Man you should hear Tony talk about you! You'd think he had found a greek god! Or in your case a goddess."
      I slugged him in the arm, but not too hard. How could he guess that's a sore topic with me.
      "Owww," he said. Then he gets a glint in his eye and a smirk. "So have you two fucked yet?" he whispered.
      What! That's all Dave thinks about, I guess. "Dave, you're so crude."
      He shrugged, "So I guess not yet, eh?"
      He's making me uncomfortable with this topic, with all these people around. I scanned around. Was anyone listening to us? Doesn't look like it. The crowd noise and the band seems to be masking our conversation well. Actually, I'd rather he go away. I looked at the band marching on the field.
      "Well I came over to invite you to ...tee," Dave said. I didn't catch the last word, because of the noise.
      "What?" I said, looking at him.
      "I said you're invited to a party. A special one tomorrow night at Dennis's," he said. He gave me a surprised look at my blank stare. "You haven't heard about Dennis's parties? Well ask Tony. I'm sure he has. Actually Tony has to come with you. Only couples are invited. Here's the address and the time." He handed me a piece of paper.
      "Huh, it's for gays," I whispered
      "Hardly!" he said.
      "Oh. Will you be there?" I asked.
      He nodded.
      Hmm, only couples. "So who are you with?"
      He just shrugged and grinned. "Come to the party and you'll see." Then he got a serious look leaned towards me, and whispered "Actually both of you really do need to be there, because there is some serious shit going on that involves you and Tony. There may be some help there."
      "What do you mean?" I asked, now feeling scared.

Chapter 5

      After the game, Dad and I went home. Our team won, 17 to 8. I told my Dad that Dave had invited Tony and me to a party tomorrow night. He asked if I knew where it was. No, but I had the address. Dave said that Tony would know more about the party that a guy, named Dennis, is hosting.
      Tony called about a half hour later, a little after 10pm. He sounded depressed. He said he could tell from the vibes of the other team members, that it wouldn't be much fun going out with them. He would rather see me anyway, so could he come over? Of course, I told him.
      He arrived around 10:30. My parents were watching TV and my sister was still out on her date. My Dad complimented him on a good catch and a great game. I told him how it was really fun watching the game live.
      After we stopped talking about the game, I told Tony about Dave's invitation to Dennis's party. He was surprised. When I asked what it was about, he asked for something to drink. Then he followed me into the kitchen. He told me quietly that it was strictly limited to invited people only. It was rumored that it was a make-out party, because only couples were invited. Also alcohol is not allowed. People have tried to crash the party, but the cops show up and break things up. That's about all he knows. It should be safe, but it's still strange that we'd be invited.
      I then asked Mom and Dad if I could go. They quizzed us about the party. We left out the make-out detail, but the no-alcohol and cops showing up seem to assure them, so they said OK.
      On the way back from the kitchen I had noticed that Tony was limping a little. I asked if he had hurt his foot. He said it was more in the thigh muscle, from running. I asked if he would like a massage. He resisted, but I insisted. He laid down on the floor and I massaged his legs. Man, he had huge thighs. My massaging seemed to work, because I could feel his muscles relaxing. The really fun part was when I sat on his rear and massaged his back and neck. He made nice groaning noises to let me know it felt good. I commented that I was amazed that he wasn't a mass of bruises, from the tackles that I saw. He said sometimes he is, but there was only one tackle tonight that was rough.
      A few minutes later, around 11:20, my parents were done watching the news, so they went to bed, telling us to not stay up too late.
      Tony rolled over, under me. I massaged his chest. That seemed to to turn him on, because I felt him getting hard under me. Or maybe it was because I was sitting on him there. We kissed some, but I could tell Tony was tired. So I mentioned that it looked like he was tired and that it would be OK for him to go home to bed.
      We made plans for him to pick me up at 7:30 to go to the party tomorrow. I fell asleep thinking about the football game.

      It's almost time for Tony to pick me up. I spent most of the day doing yard work. Raking leaves and mowing the lawn (again!). I thought about the party and how we should act. I'll talk with Tony on the way there. I figured we should act like two straight friends, until we figured out what was going on. Even if things are OK, we should still stay, low-key. I looked at a map to see how to get to the party. Since Tony was always driving us, I thought I would at least make it easier to get there.
      Tony arrived around 7:40. A little late, but it's probably not good to be the first ones at a party. I told Tony my ideas about how to act at the party. He agreed.
      When we got there, the whole block was full of parked cars, so we had to walk a block from where we parked. As we walked up to the large white two story house, we could hear loud music playing. Tony rang the door-bell. I hung back.
      The door opened with a blast of sound coming out. A tall skinny guy with medium length black hair, looked at us and scowled.
      "Yes? This is a closed party," he said, glaring at us.
      Tony nodded, "We were invited by Dave."
      "Dave who?"
      "Dave Harper."
      "Oh. What's your names?"
      "Tony and Ben"
      "Just a moment," he said, and he closed the door.
      "Hopefully Dave is here by now," Tony said to me.
      I nodded. This is starting to feel creepy though.
      The door opened after about a minute. Dave was there.
      "Tony, Ben, come on in," he said.
      "This is Dennis," he said, pointing to the tall skinny guy who had first opened the door.
      "Nice to meet you," we said.
      He kind of smirked back, "Nice to meet you two too.
      "I'll let you tell them the rules," he said to Dave. "Have fun," he said to us, and he disappeared into the dimly lit crowd of people dancing.
      A girl showed up at Dave's side, and grabbed his arm.
      "Oh, this is Patty," he said. "Patty, this it Tony and Ben."
      We nodded at her.
      "Let's go into the kitchen. It's quieter and you can get something to drink there."
      Dave lead us around the edge the crowd. I followed behind Tony.
      On the way there, I said, "Dave's got a girlfriend?" I was shocked.
      He shrugged. I guess he's not surprised.
      The kitchen had a swinging door, so it was a lot quieter. There was one other couple in the kitchen, which was huge. Dave went to a small table and the four of us sat down there.
      "I'm glad you guys could make it," Dave started.
      I just smiled and nodded.
      "What's this all about?" asked Tony. I chuckled inside, my always direct boyfriend.
      "First the rules," Dave smiled. "You can go most anywhere on the first floor of the house. You've seen the living room where the loud stuff goes. Then there's the family room, down the hall. It's quieter for, well, quiet activities. Upstairs is off-limits, unless you get permission directly from Dennis." He give us a wink.
      Oh, I'm sure, I'm thinking. "Where are the adults," I ask.
      Dave frowns. "Dennis's Dad is divorced. This is his house. So long as people follow the rules, and don't trash the place, then it's OK with him to throw these parties. His Dad does show up sometimes though.
      "There's a few more rules. No alcohol, or other drugs. Also only couples are invited. Usually that means male and female, but you guys are an exception."
      I felt my face get red. I looked at Patty to see her reaction to what Dave revealed about us. "Are we the only ones?" I asked.
      "No, there's a couple of girls, who are gay, here," Patty said to me.
      "Oh, yeah," Dave continued, "there's no telling anyone about what goes on here, or you won't be invited back. Also if there are any problems with people breaking the rules, Dennis calls the cops, and the party is over."
      "I don't understand. Why be so up-tight," said Tony. I nodded.
      "Well," Patty said, "mainly it's a place for couples to party, away from the drunk single guys that usually makes other parties so tense."
      "Why were you so insistent that we come here?" I asked Dave.
      "Well, people are still talking about Tony being gay, and I've overheard some guys, in the gym, talking about beating him up."
      I felt a twinge of fear. Tony just shrugged.
      Dave continued, "I think it's just talk, but after talking to Patty, she said it could help if more open-minded people, like those here, could meet you. Maybe they can help keep things quiet about you two, or at least keep other's from over-reacting."
      For some reason I don't think this is a good idea, but I'm not sure why. Hmm, we're essentially letting a bunch of people, who we don't know, know that we are gay. How do we know they're open minded? Ah, that's the problem.
      "How do we know the people here are open-minded?" I asked.
      Dave and Patty looked at each other. Dave shrugged. Great! They're not sure. I touched Tony's arm to get his attention.
      "Maybe we should leave," I whispered to Tony. "We don't know how accepting everyone is here."
      I think Patty heard part of what I whispered. She looked at me and said, "We can talk to Sue and Jan. Maybe they can let us know if they've had any problems since coming to these parties."
      So we all got up and headed back into the living room. The music was booming now. The room was dark enough so that it was hard to see people's faces on the other side of the room. As Tony and I passed by some people, we got a few stares. It looks like most everyone is paired up male/female, so we must stand out. Great! There must be some people talking in more same-sex groups. There's a group of guys over to the right, and there's some girls talking ahead. Whew. They're looking only because we're new here. Patty stopped at a stuffed chair on the other side of the room. A girl was sitting in the lap of another girl. Wow! The girl in the chair had short blond hair, while the other girl in her lap had shoulder length brown hair. They were looking at each other and talking, when Patty walked up. They both looked at her, and cupped their ears. Patty pointed to us. They nodded and got up.
      "This is Tony and Ben," I barely heard her say.
      "This is Sue," she said pointing to the blond girl, "and this is Jan."
      "Hi I'm Tony."
      "Hi, nice to meet you," I said, smiling at both of them.
      They both gave us a hug. Wow. That's nice.
      "Finally, someone else who can take the pressure off of us," said the blond girl. What was her name? Ah, Sue. Pressure? That doesn't sound good.
      "Actually that's what they were wondering about. Have you had more problems since coming here?" Patty asked.
      "No. I was kidding about the pressure. It's just that we stand out in this group, so it'll just be nice to have some company. Everyone is really nice to us, they just aren't sure what to say to us," said Sue, shrugging.
      "Why don't we sit down," she suggested.
      They sat down in the chair again with Jan on Sue's lap. Tony sat down on the couch next to the chair. He tried to pull me into his lap. No way, Tony. I sat down beside him.
      Sue smiled at me, but shook her head slightly.
      Patty sat next to me and Dave next to her.
      "I would not have told Patty to invite you two, if we did have problems," Sue explained. "It's nice to be at a party, sort of in public, and be able to just hug, with-out getting harassed."
      Yeah, I can relate to that, so I nodded. Tony put his arm around me and hugged me. I pulled back a little. Sigh, nice in theory. Old habits die hard.
      "When did you two start coming to these parties?" Tony asked.
      "The middle of summer," said Jan.
      "This is our fourth party. During the school year, there's only one party a month. But during the summer there could be two or three a month," said Sue.
      I was having a hard time hearing them with the loud music, so I sat back against Tony's arm. He rubbed my shoulder. I looked around. No one was really looking at us, so I relaxed into him a bit as I turned to look at Patty and Dave.
      "Nice party," I said, almost yelling to Patty, "A little loud though."
      She nodded, "The family room is much quieter. People don't talk much in there though."
      I nodded and smiled back at her joke.
      "So where did you and Dave meet?" I asked.
      "We're both in the orchestra. About two weeks ago, he finally caught my eye, and he asked me out."
      "What instrument do you play?"
      "The clarinet."
      I nodded. A dead-end topic for me. I like listening to classical music, but I know nothing about playing it.
      Dave said something to Patty. They talked for a while. I just sort of spaced out and listened to the music and watched the people dancing. It was just too loud to carry on a conversation, unless you were right next to the person you were talking to.
      A quiet slow piece of music came on. The gay girls got up and suggested we all dance. The others got up too. I stayed seated.
      "Come on Ben," Tony grinned, and grabbed my hand. I pulled back, shaking my head but smiling. The more talkative girl, Sue, grabbed my other hand and they pulled me up.
      "OK, OK," I said.
      Tony hugged me and we, started slow dancing. Thank goodness he wasn't doing the bump and grind into me! I looked around and saw a number of stares. No frowns, but a few raised eyebrows.
      The next piece was fast.
      "You ready?" Tony asked. Huh, Oh. He had moved away, and his hand slid down my arm till it caught my hand, then he pulled me to him with a twist, so that I spun up to him with his arm around me. Oh gee, here we go! The gay girls grinned at us and started swing dancing too.
      Now people are really looking at us! OK, at the end of this song, I'm quitting. Way to go Tony! I thought we were going to stay low-key!
      The music changed. I stopped and told Tony that I was thirsty. I headed for the kitchen. Whew, he followed. Dave and Patty followed too.
      We got more pop from the fridge. We talked to another couple and with Dave and Patty.
      "I don't believe you two are really gay," said the guy, "You act straight."
      "Didn't you see us dancing together?" I asked.
      "No." he shrugged.
      Dave grins. "So prove it Ben!"
      Tony wasn't paying attention, because he was talking to Patty and the guy's girlfriend. They were talking about rock groups that they liked.
      I waited for a pause. Then I whispered in Tony's ear. "I want you to kiss me."
      He looked surprised. "What, here?"
      I nodded towards the other guy looking at us. "Now."
      He glanced at the others, then he grinned back at me. "OK." I put my arms up around his neck. He started slow, well for about five seconds. Then he went in deep. I tried to block him with my tongue, but he was insistent, so I let him. He hit the spot and I pushed into him. When the wave passed, I pulled back, but he put his hand behind my neck and pushed me back up to him. I didn't respond as much this time, because I heard some people, yelling out "wow, you got to see this!"
      When he stopped I was still trembling and I held onto him to stay standing. I hid my face into his chest away from the people in the kitchen, but I saw there were a number of people looking in from the living room at us. Most were smiling and some were clapping their hands.
      "Wow Tony! I've never seen a kiss like that before," said Patty.
      "It's not me," said Tony, "he's the hot one!"
      I hugged him sharply. Quiet Tony, don't tell them everything! I want to be alone with him. This is too embarrassing. What was I thinking! I guess dancing with Tony loosened me up.
      Dave was laughing. "Now do you believe they're gay?" he said to the guy who questioned me.
      I pulled away, but still hung onto Tony. "Can we go sit down?"
      "Sure Ben."
      "We're going to go relax," Tony said to the others. He turned and took my hand to lead me out of the kitchen.
      "Have fun relaxing guys," Dave said. Oh brother, I rolled my eyes and looked at Patty. She nodded and slugged his arm. Hee, hee, she figured out what I was thinking.
      Tony took us through the dancing crowd in the living room. I tried to let go of his hand but he wouldn't let me. He took us to the family room, which was even dimmer than the living room. I waited for my eyes to adjust. There wasn't much space left. The two couches were full. All the chairs were full. There were two couples stretched out on the floor. Tony found an empty spot, on the floor, next to one of the couches. He sat down, then pulled me onto his lap. The couple near us stopped to look at us. I froze. They smiled at us and nodded, before they started making out some more, ignoring us.
      Tony rubbed my back. I looked at him. It felt like ages since I'd been able to look into his beautiful brown eyes. I sighed. He feels so good.
      "I love you Tony," I whispered into his ear. I put my hand on his chest and felt his nice firm pec muscles.
      "I love you too Ben," he said as he rubbed my back and hugged me closer to him. I just stayed there with my nose in his neck. My ears were still ringing from the loud music. This was so nice and relaxing after all that intense stuff in the other room.
      "You ready for another kiss," he asked.
      I pulled back to look into his eyes again. I nodded and stroked his cheek and moved my fingers through his dark curly hair. He kissed so softly this time. He moved his hands over my back and chest. I shivered. He broke the kiss and pulled back to look at me. We just grinned at each other, stroking our fingers through each other's hair. Tony squirmed under me.
      "Am I too heavy?" I asked.
      "Not yet, but we could shift around."
      "OK." What did he have in mind? He slide me over to the floor and laid down onto me. Mmm, this feels good. He put his hands on either side of my face.
      "You ready?" he asked.
      "I don't know Tony," I said. I wasn't ready to let loose here. The kitchen scene was almost too much. He kissed my lips and moved his tongue along them. He pulled back. I opened my eyes to look at him. He was studying my reaction. I smiled. So he continued. I felt myself getting hard. He pressed against me there. Then he went in deep with the kiss. I was responding, but I didn't want to do that here! I tried to turn away, but he held me there. I tried to shove him off of me but he wouldn't move. Stop Tony! I hit him on his back a little. Then I hit hard. He stopped.
      "What, the... Ben!" he sounded angry and was quickly moving off of me. I hung onto him, even though I was crying, trying to be quiet so others wouldn't hear. He rolled over so I ended up on top of him. I slid up so I could whisper in his ear. I took a deep breath to get control. His hands were at his sides. Oh crap, I can smell his anger and feel him tense under me. I like him to be aggressive with me, but it's too embarrassing.
      "I'm sorry Tony, it's too embarrassing for me here."
      "When won't it be embarrassing Ben!" he said angrily.
      "I'm sorry." I could feel him becoming more distant. I've got to make love to him soon. He's going crazy. And I don't want to loose him. But not here. I got control pretty quickly, because he was just laying there.
      "I have to go to the bathroom," he said to me coolly. I got off of him. He didn't even look at me when he got up and walked out of the room. I scooted back to the wall and next to the side of the couch. I put my arms around knees and put my head on my knees. Don't cry, don't cry, hold it down. Whew. I held it in. I tried to not think. A number of minutes passed. I listened to the music and the couples making out around me.
      "Are you OK Ben," a girl's voice said. I looked up and saw Patty. She sat down beside me. "I saw Tony. He looked, ang..., uh upset," she said.
      I nodded. She tentatively reached out to rub my shoulder.
      "Are you gay," I asked her. That just popped into my head.
      She shrugged. "I guess some would say I'm bi." She rubbed my back.
      "You want to talk?" she asked quietly.
      "Sure." I collected myself. OK not too much detail. I don't really know her. I looked at her.
      "What was Tony upset about?" she asked.
      "Well we were kissing and it was too intense for me, but he wouldn't stop, so I hit him. Not hard, but..." I'm always stopping him. I looked away, then looked back and shrugged.
      She nodded, "That kiss in the kitchen looked plenty intense. You left pretty quick. Was it embarrassing?"
      I nodded, "He always wants to do more and I'm always stopping him."
      "But why? Dave's said that Tony only talks about you when they talk. He told Dave that he's really in love with you."
      "I guess I'm afraid that's all we'll do, once we start."
      She laughed. "I'm sure! I've known guys who say they would like to make love all night. They might last ten minutes, if they really try."
      "Bet I could last an hour," I smiled.
      She rolled her eyes. "You guys are hopeless!
      "Well I can understand why you wouldn't want him to do more than kissing in here," she said.
      I nodded. She doesn't need to know more.
      "But that's all they were doing," said the girl at the end of the couch. "I was looking, sorry," she said to me.
      I just nodded at her and shrugged, but I felt my face flush.
      Patty was giving me a surprised look. I could tell she was getting ready to probe deeper. I needed to change the subject. I moved closer to Patty, away from the girl on the couch.
      "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar to me," I asked.
      She laughed, "I wondered if you had noticed. In the lunch yard quad, you would sit near where Jan, Sue, and I would usually sit."
      "Oh, now I remember the three of you! Everyone looks so different here."
      "We were wondering what was going on with you and Tony. He showed up one day, then the next week he's yelling at you. We realized then, that you both were probably gay, but it looked like we were seeing the end of your relationship. We wanted to talk to you, but when you showed up again at lunch, you seemed to not want anyone to approach you. Then I met Dave and he told me about you and Tony. That's when I said he needed to invite you two here, because Jan and Sue have told me, many times, how lonely it can be."
      "Wow! That's amazing," I said. "When you first saw Tony, that's when he asked me out."
      "Ah," she said.
      "How old are you?" I asked.
      "So you like younger guys?"
      "Oh, Dave?" she leaned over and whispered, "I think it's just sex between me and Dave." She sat back. "He's sweet, but he's not ready to commit to anyone."
      I nodded sadly and looked away.
      "He hurt you?"
      "Huh?" I said, looking back at her. What does she know?
      "Dave told me that he fooled around with you and Tony. It's OK with me."
      I relaxed. "He was my first."
      "Ah, so that's why there's tension between you two."
      We sat quietly for a few minutes. Amazing. There was a gay couple, right next to me all those times at lunch, and I never noticed. All of this talking about relationships and Tony was making me warm. Where's Tony? Has he left me here?
      "Did you see where Tony went?" I asked.
      "He was talking with me and Dave. That's why I came to you. He's probably still talking to Dave."
      "I hope he doesn't leave me here."
      "I don't think that'll happen. He looked more hurt than angry," she said.
      "I was thinking about your holding back," she said. "Could it be more than what you said?"
      More? I shrugged. "I don't know. Sex isn't love."
      "That's true, but sex can show how much you care about someone."
      "But what if he doesn't care as much back?"
      "Then you'll at least know, and go from there."
      "Actually, I think I'm afraid of scaring him off by opening up too much."
      "Really?" she said. "I think you're afraid to take a chance, and let him get closer to you."
      Ouch, that hurt. Maybe it's true. "I did that once. I felt myself completely giving in to him, but it scared us both. We even talked to a psychiatrist about it, and she said there was no problem."
      "I know what you mean Ben, that feeling of giving-in, it's really wonderful," she said. She sighed and sat back against the wall. "Now I know why I'm attracted to gay guys, they seem to understand things from a girl's point of view."
      She's attracted to me! I swallowed and pulled away.
      "It's OK Ben," she said "I know you're with Tony."
      She must have seen my surprised look, but I hope she didn't noticed my interest in her. That would make things too confusing.
      "Why don't we go find him?" she said.
      Yes! I leaped up.
      Patty chuckled.
      "What?" I asked.
      "It's so cute, the way you brightened up."
      What can I say. "Is he in the kitchen?"
      "Maybe. Let's go see." She held out her hand for me to help her up. She lead the way, still holding my hand!
      The sound of the living room hit me like the air was thick. Man, what a sound system! I could feel the bass in my body. We got to the kitchen. There was Dave and Tony, talking with some other people. Tony's back was to me. Dave saw Patty approaching. Tony looked around.
      "I have someone here for you Tony," Patty said as pulled me up to Tony. He smiled at me. She whispered something in his ear. His grin disappeared and he nodded. Then she pushed me over to him. He put his arm around me, and hugged me to his side. I put my arm around him too and hugged back.
      He leaned over, "Hi lover-boy," he whispered in my ear.
      "Hi hot-stuff," I whispered back in his ear.
      Hmm, "What did she say to you?" I asked.
      He tensed up. "I'll tell you later."
      "I'm sorry Tony. Things seem OK here."
      "No, I'm the one who is sorry. I shouldn't have got carried away."
      I looked at him and he looked back. We just stood there looking into each other's eyes. Time seemed to stand still.
      "Aren't they cute?" Patty said.
      "Uh, yeah," replied Dave.
      I looked down.
      "Jealous?" she asked him. "You could of had either of them," she said more quietly.
      "I did, have them. Now I have you." he replied. I looked at them. He was smiling at her and she was smiling back.
      "Aww, aren't they cute?" I said to Tony. He busted up laughing. So did Dave and Patty, who hugged each other.
      "Let's dance some more," I said to Tony. "Just regular dancing, OK?"
      "Sure sweetie." he whispered. "Let's go."
      We danced on and off for about two hours. People were not looking at us as much by the end of the evening. Guys seemed to keep their distance. But a number of girls talked to us, mostly to Tony, I noticed. A few times I pulled him away to dance some more. We left after setting a date to go out with Dave, Patty, Sue and Jan next Saturday. Everyone thought a movie would be fun.
      On the way home. I asked Tony, "What did Patty say to you?"
      "In the kitchen when she whispered to you."
      "Oh, ah." He griped the steering wheel. "She said, 'You be nice to him or I'll try to take him from you.'" He squirmed.
      Sigh, I don't want to go down that path. Why did I bring it up! Be careful with what you say Ben. Let him know that you only want him.
      "She can't compete with a fox like you," I said.
      "Oh? I didn't know there was a competition."
      Shit! I said the wrong thing. What should I have said? What can I say? Stall.
      "I didn't think there was either. I love you Tony."
      Silence. I looked at him. He was just concentrating on the road. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He didn't seem angry, but he didn't look too happy either.
      "Are you interested in girls, Ben?"
      That was the question that I didn't wanted to answer. If I lie, it needs to be a quick 'no,' or else it won't be believed. But I can't do that. I've delayed too long now. So I have to tell the truth. But I don't know how I really feel or if I want to try girls. Even that seems too threatening to say to Tony. What if I admit that I am, a little, but let him know that I'm far more attracted to him. He might reply with, 'so I might leave him for a girl.' But what's to stop him from leaving me for another guy? That seems logical. I'm taking too long! Say something.
      "I guess I'm attracted to girls, sometimes. But right now, I'm only attracted to you," I said. Not quite true, since I had a moment of attraction to Patty. But I would never give up Tony for her.
      "What about later? Wouldn't you want to see what you are missing?"
      Not quite the response I expected, but maybe I can modify my reply.
      "For me to want to go with a girl, or guy, is just as likely as for you to go out with another guy."
      "So you would leave me." he said angrily.
      What did I say? This is turning into a full scale fight! I don't want to fight with him. Tears were forming. Stop being a cry-baby Ben. That's not going to help. Words aren't helping either. OK show him.
      Maybe we could park for a bit. I looked around. We were nearing the bottom of a canyon. No houses were around. And this street didn't seem very busy.
      "Can we park and talk Tony?"
      "Sure. It looks like there's a wide part of shoulder there at the bottom."
      He sighed. But he slowed down and pulled off at the spot I pointed out. I was not planning on talking anymore.
      He shut the car off. I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to look at him. He was just staring ahead. I trembled a little. I didn't want to loose him. He'll get anything he wants from me now. I'll do anything for him.
      "I love you, Tony."
      He looked at me. I scooted closer to him.
      "I love you too Ben."
      I moved closer and touched my hand to his shoulder. He didn't pull away. Whew. I moved quickly to him, to hug him. He put his arms around me. I wanted to say something, but I forced myself to stay quiet. I put my right hand on his cheek to turn him to kiss me, and I kissed him. He wasn't responding much. I pushed my tongue into his mouth. He held me tighter. Ah, he's responding to me by moving into my mouth. I pressed up to him and gave him easy access to the spot. I moved my hand down to rub his chest and down to his stomach and back up to his chest. OK, it's now or never. I moved my hand down his chest and side and then to his front, between his legs. I tried to feel for his dick. He jumped, his hand pulled my hand away, and he pulled back from kissing me.

Chapter 6

      "What are you doing Ben?"
      "I want you now Tony."
      I put both hands on his face and kissed him. He put his hands on my waist. I pulled back.
      "Are you sure Ben? I thought we were waiting."
      "But that was so we would have time to get to know each other," I said. "We do seem to have a lot in common. We like the same kind of music and movies. We both like science and math, though you're better at it than I am."
      I looked at him in the eyes. "I also know that I love you. You make me feel so good, just being next to you, and talking to you on the phone almost every night." I looked down. "I want to show you how much I love you." I focused on his crotch. Will he let me touch him there again?
      He put his hand under my chin and moved me up to look at him. I tried to smile at him, but I couldn't hold it. He glanced away then looked back at me.
      "OK Ben. What do you want to do?"
      Yes! Now I'm grinning! I kissed him.
      "Here, move over." I moved away from him and pulled him with me to the center of the seat, so he was clear of the steering wheel.
      I moved my hand between his legs and cupped his balls. I looked at his face. He was smiling at me. He moved his hand between my legs too. We rubbed each other for a little while. He moved his hand and started to unzip my pants. I unfastened his belt and pants button, then unzipped them. He had my zipper down and was trying to find his way into my underware. Hee, hee, I'm going to beat you Tony. I pulled the top of his underware out and down over his hard on. Mmm I smelled a nice musky smell from him.
      With the dim street-light, I looked at his penis. It had a funny top. Wow, he's uncircumcised!
      Tony was still fumbling in my pants. "Can you help Ben?" he asked.
      I took his hand away. "It's OK Tony, let me play with you first."
      I looked back at what I was holding. I want to see all of him there.
      "Can you help pull them down some?" I asked as I moved to pull his pants down. He lifted up. I pulled them down to his ankles. Ah, what a nice bush of curly hair.
      "Better?" he asked.
      "Oh yes." I took a hold of his dick again. Now what is this about a fore-skin. I moved my hand down. Ah the skin is moving off of the head. I wonder if it's shaped different from me. Oh cool, the pink mushroom shaped head is just like mine. Gee the fore-skin isn't a piece of skin laying over the head, like the encyclopedia described. It's just a lot of loose skin that rolls up and down over the head. I moved my hand up and down. Covering and uncovering the head. This is amazing. He doesn't need any lubrication to jack off!
      "Uh, Ben, I'm going to cum if you keep doing that."
      I looked up at him. "Oh yes. I want you to cum," I said smiling.
      "But I need something so I won't make a mess."
      Oh. I looked around for some kleenex or a towel. Nothing. What a minute! If I suck him, there'll be no mess.
      "I have just the thing," I said. I bent over and licked the head. He pushed up at me and groaned. I pulled the skin way down to expose the head more and slid my mouth over the warm head. He put his hands on my head and ran his fingers through my hair.
      I shifted to kneeling on the floor. I held his cock, with my left hand, stroking him up and down with my mouth. I held and felt his balls with my right hand. I moved my hand up to feel the base of his cock and to feel his curly hair. His hands on my head were giving me signals about the rhythm that he likes. Mmm, his cock is so warm in my mouth. He was jerking up at me.
      "Ben, I'm close to cumming," he said, kind of gasping.
      I speeded up and stroked with my hand more. He jerked up and groaned. I moved to match his movements. Then I felt his warm fluid fill my mouth. I tried to swallow it all, but there was so much that it leaked out the sides of my mouth. It didn't taste very good, but it was from Tony. I pulled up, to swallow, then went back down on him while he let out low moans and gripped my head. I kept going until his hands held my head still.
      I moved off. There was semen dripping down the sides onto my hand. I licked that off. Hmm, it doesn't taste so bad now. I went up and licked a drop on the head. He jumped.
      "Ben! It's real sensitive."
      I sat up and just held his penis. We kissed.
      "That was wonderful," he said.
      We kissed for a while and he had his hand on my crotch.
      I saw a car pull up behind us.
      "Tony! There's a car behind us."
      "Oh shit," he said. I helped him pull his pants up. While he was buckling, I remembered to zip up. I saw red and blue lights start flashing.
      "It's a cop!" I said.
      We separated to the ends of the seat. A shadow moved up beside the car. A light flashed at the fogged up windows. Oh great! Fogged up windows!
      He knocked on the window. Tony rolled it down.
      "Why are you here? Do you have car trouble?" he asked.
      "We were just talking. Going home after a party," said Tony.
      He looks in with a glare and shines the flash light in my eyes.
      "Your license," he said to Tony.
      Tony got it out and gave it to him. He took it back to his car, mumbling to himself. I thought I heard him say "pukes."
      Tony looked at me.
      "It'll be OK," he said as he reach out to smooth my hair down. "He's probably just making sure the car's not stolen."
      I nodded and took over straightening my hair.
      He came back.
      "Can you both get out please," he said.
      Now what.
      "Over here," he motioned with the flash light. "Hands on the car."
      I went around the front of the car and put my hands on the hood. Tony put his hands on the roof of the car. The cop frisked him. Patting down his sides and legs. The he came over to me and did the same. I started trembling.
      "OK," he said to Tony. "Let's see you walk along the shoulder stripe."
      Tony walked along it. Oh, a drunk driving test. The cop had him touch his nose multiple times, with his eyes closed.
      "OK. You two can get back in."
      After we got in. He leaned over at the window.
      "It's not safe for you to park here at night. Now get your faggot asses home.
      I froze my face. He's not going to see any reaction from me! Tony nodded. When the cop walked away, Tony quickly started the car and drove away. I was really trembling now. Tony reached over and held my hand.
      "Do you think he really knew?"
      "I don't know Ben." He squeezed my hand.
      "I'm sorry I asked you to park."
      "Well, I'm not Ben! What we did was wonderful. What you did, I mean. If we were a guy and girl, he wouldn't have hassled us as much."
      Maybe not. I don't know.
      "Anyway, I didn't want our first time to be like that," he said.
      "Me neither. But there will be other times Tony." I looked at my watch. 12:05. We're already late getting me home. There really isn't time to do more tonight. Then I thought back to what we did.
      "Gee, I didn't know you were uncircumcised," I said, grinning at him.
      He glanced at me. "You don't mind?"
      "Are you kidding? It's really cool. I'd never seen one up close."
      "It tastes good too," I said
      He started laughing, "Oh man, I thought you were a prude. Now I find out you're a little pervert."
      "Only with you," I said firmly. I squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. I let go and scooted over a bit, so that I could put my hand on his thigh, up high, close to where I really wanted to touch him. Ah, it's so nice to be able to touch him anywhere and not worry about leading him on. He put his hand on mine. I think to make sure I don't move it higher. I looked at him. He had a big grin on his face. He's so cute!
      We were quiet the rest of the way to my house. There was no way I was going to bring up the 'girl' topic again. He pulled up to our driveway and turned the car off. Sigh. I have to go. We have to be apart.
      I unbuckled, and moved over to hug him. His hands were stroking my back. Then his left hand moved to my side and my chest. I moved back to look into his eyes. He moved his hand down, over my stomach, and put it firmly between my legs. I didn't jump or flinch. He was studying my reaction. I just closed my eyes and leaned towards him and laid my head on his shoulder. He moved his thumb over my dick, which was getting hard, and his fingers cupped my balls. Darn it's getting caught up in my underware and hurting. I pulled back from Tony a bit, and reached into my pants to move my dick up straighter.
      Tony chuckled. "Uncomfortable?"
      "Better now," I said.
      I moved to kiss him. He took his time. Things seem so much calmer now. I reached down and held my hand between his legs too. He pulled me in closer and he probed with his tongue. I trembled. The feeling was building, but it was different. I was used to it without him stimulating my penis. It is almost a distraction. Weird. The wave of pleasure didn't build this time. I broke the kiss and hugged him. I felt depressed. Things are already different. But he still feels wonderful. I sighed.
      "I better be going. We're already late," I said.
      "I know, sweetie."
      I put my hands on his face and stroked his cheeks, and his hair, while I looked into his eyes. He is giving me such a tender look.
      I whispered, "Good-night hot-stuff."
      "Good-night lover-boy." His thumb gave my dick a rub. That made me jump. I giggled. I gave him a quick kiss and hug and moved to get out. He let his hand slid over my thigh as I move away. Sigh.
      I got out and stood in the driveway until he drove off. I looked at my watch. 12:25. More than a little late now. I went into the house. Mom was still up.
      "Sorry I'm late," I said.
      "Well it's not too bad. I saw Tony drive up about 15 minutes ago.
      "Did you have a good time," she asked.
      "Yes it was fun. We danced and talked to people."
      She yawned. "Good. I'm sleepy. How about, telling us about it in the morning?"
      "OK. Night, Mom."
      "Good night."
      What a night! I went to bed and thought about the night. Tony and I dancing in front of maybe forty people. Tony kissing me in front of quite a few people. So much for hiding. Maybe the party was not a good idea. If word gets out now, there will no way of denying it now. Sigh. There's nothing we can do about it. We'll just have to trust that the people there really will keep quiet.
      But the best part was playing with Tony! Wow! I always wondered what a fore-skin was about. But mainly the feeling of him cumming in my mouth was wonderful. It didn't matter that it didn't taste good. Now that we've gone this far, we're going all the way. Nothing is holding me back now. The only question is can we do it at home? Or do we have to find some other place to be alone? I remembered the cop. I shuddered. Let's try for home then. Hmm, Mom had said if I could talk about having sex without being embarrassed, then it would be OK. So I can just try asking them then.

      During breakfast, Sunday morning, Dad asked me how the party went. I told them that it was really fun. There was dancing and snacks. And Dave has a girlfriend, Patty. She's nice. Mom did a double-take at that news. Maybe she's hoping that would happen to me too. I also told them that we met another gay couple. Girls named Sue and Jan. Everyone there didn't seem bothered by us. There was some staring, but there didn't seem to be any hostile reactions. Of course I didn't tell them about the make-out stuff, or about the cop.
      Dad commented that it sounded like I was making some new friends. I agreed and said that we might get together next Saturday. Another party? he asked. No. I had to explain that they only have the party about once a month. We were planning on going to a movie.
      I almost asked to if Tony could sleep over, but I didn't want to ask both of them together, and Cathy was there.
      Dad went out to the garage. Cathy went to her room. And Mom was clearing the table and started washing the dishes. OK maybe now.
      I carried some dishes into the kitchen. Mom was at the sink washing.
      "You know, I was thinking," I started, "you had said that I should wait if it was too embarrassing to talk about. Well Tony and I have waited and I'm not embarrassed to say that I want to make love with Tony." She didn't seem to hear me. OK, I'll add more.
      "I'd like to sleep with him and feel him put his penis in..."
      "Ben!" she said sharply. "That's enough," she said more quietly.
      She turned around. Her face was red. "Let's go sit down."
      She wiped her hands off on the dish towel as she lead us into the dining room. We sat down.
      "What you're talking about is personal. It's between you and Tony. I didn't mean for you to describe, in detail, what you want, to get permission."
      She sat looking away.
      "I should apologize Ben, for what I did when Dave came over here. I didn't have to confront you when I did. It must have been embarrassing for you and Dave. I meant to embarrass you, but I can see now that it's something that should be kept private."
      "It's OK Mom. Things seem to be working out." Hmm, get her while she's feeling guilty? She just looked at me. It's not right. But I want Tony so bad. Ben, you're going to miss your chance, say it!
      "So, can Tony spend the night sometime?" I asked. Darn, did I say it too quietly. She didn't say or do anything. Did she hear me?
      I looked down, I can't ask again. Even if she says no, we'll figure out a way. He has a car, after all. We just need to find a place where the cops won't show up. Hmm, I could mention the cop incident. Nope. Then I'd have to explain why and where we were parked.
      "OK Ben," she said, "I'll discuss it with your father."
      All-right! That's almost a yes.
      "Thanks, Mom."
      She got up and stroked her hand across my hair. I looked up and she had a sad kind of smile. Then she went back into the kitchen. What was that about? Now I just need to wait. Maybe I can wait a day, before mentioning it again.

      After dinner, on Monday I was helping clear the table.
      "Your Dad and I talked about Tony spending the night," she said. "And he said it was OK with him. But not on a school night. So he can stay over on any Friday or Saturday night."
      Yes! All-right! "Thanks Mom." I was really grinning. Already I was starting to think about what I'll tell Tony. "Uh, would this Saturday be OK?"
      "Sure. Your Dad and I can go out that evening and you know Cathy won't be around."
      "That sounds good! I need to ask Tony, to see if he's free then."
      Ah but when. I could tell him over the phone. But I want to see his face. Actually I want to do more than that.
      He called later that night. I couldn't hold it in.
      "What are you doing Saturday night?" I asked him.
      "I thought we were going to a movie with, Dave, Patty, and her friends."
      "Yes, but what about after the movie?"
      "Well I could come over to your place for a while."
      "What about after that?"
      "Ben what's going on? You want to continue what we started in the car?"
      "Of course, but how would you like to continue, in my room, all night?"
      "Uh, OK. But what about your parents?"
      "They said it's OK for you to spend the night. I asked them."
      Tony gasped. "You asked them! They know what we're going to do?"
      "Well not in detail, but I'm sure they can guess we won't be sleeping the whole time."
      "I don't believe this."
      "So, are you going to see if you can spend the night on Saturday?"
      "Oh sure, what am I going to say? 'Can I sleep over at Ben's on Saturday?' Then they'll ask, 'Why? What's wrong with your bed?' 'Well it doesn't have Ben in it, for one thing!'
      I busted up laughing. "Oh, I dare you."
      "I'm serious Ben. What can I say?"
      He's right. "I guess you are a little old for a sleep-over," I said.
      "We've got to come up with something," I said. Think Ben. Let's see he drank too much alcohol, so shouldn't drive. Nope. I haven't known him to drink, he would get into trouble for drinking, and that would only work as an excuse that night. Hmm. He was partying or watching movies on TV at my place, until very late, so he's too tired to drive home. Nope. Another last minute excuse. Hmm. My parents were going to be gone Saturday night and he would keep me company. Well Mom said they would go out that evening. That's almost true. Ah, half-truths tend to work well.
      "How about this Tony. My Mom said that they could go out that evening. Maybe you could say it would be for the whole night. And that you would stay with me to keep me company, because I'm so young."
      He laughed, "You? Young? That might work if you were 12 years old!"
      Hmm. "Well you could take a year off of my age. And you could mention that our house was burglarized, so I didn't like being alone."
      "That's starting to sound more believable," he said. "Remind me not to play poker with you. I would never know when you were bluffing."
      "Sure you would. You always seem able to read me. Besides," I whispered, "you will be poking me."
      "Oh man, Ben, uh, OK." He was sputtering.
      I laughed. He had to be blushing big time. "What's wrong Tony?"
      He coughed. "I'm not used to you talking like that."
      "Why is it making you hard." I don't believe I said that!
      "Oh Ben," he said groaning.
      "Do we have to wait till Saturday?"
      I sighed. "I don't see how else. My Mom said you could sleep over on any non-school night."
      "You're kidding. I can sleep over there on any Friday or Saturday night?"
      Oh my god! She did say that. This isn't just one time! Now I'm feeling hot.
      "Wow, that hadn't occurred to me! It sounds like you could. Oh wow!"
      "We'll have to make you a real trauma case to manage that," he said
      "Your parents aren't going to be able to go out every weekend night."
      "Oh, yeah. Well, we'll think of something."
      "This is so cool, Ben."
      I heard the phone muffled. "OK" I heard.
      "I have to get off the phone now. Talking too long I guess," he said.
      "Actually, I don't know how you can talk like you do, without anyone hearing," I said.
      "Well, my room is a long ways from the living room where my parents spend most of their time watching TV."
      "Well I'll talk to you later Ben."
      "OK, bye hot-stuff."
      "Bye lover-boy."
      The week dragged by. Dave called Tony and they planned what movie we would go see and when we would go. They figured it would be fun to go for pizza before the movie. I told Tony that it did sound like fun, because we were going to Shakeys Pizza, where they have old Laurel and Hardy movies playing.
      Tony picked me up at 5pm on Saturday. Mom and Dad told us to have a nice time and that they wouldn't be back till real late, probably after 2am. Nothing was said about Tony spending the night. Whew. It was embarrassing for me to talk about it. As we drove there I kept looking at Tony. Tonight's the night, I kept thinking. He had obviously showered just before coming over, because his hair was still slicked back and wet. But I could see the curly locks starting to spring out as it dried.
      After looking at him for the tenth time, he said "What? Is there a spot on my shirt?"
      "No. I'm just looking at how handsome you are."
      "Who Me? You're the cute one Ben," he said, glancing at me. He put his hand out and stroked my cheek. Mmm, he really knows how to make me feel good. I took his hand and held it to my cheek for a moment, then I turned and sucked on the tip of his index finger, licking the tip. Tony looked at me surprised. He yanked his hand away, back to the steering wheel.
      "Whoooh!" He jerked the car back into our lane.
      "Sorry," I said.
      "That's OK. Man, you're one horny dude!"
      I chuckled. But I noticed he keep both hands on the wheel the rest of the way there. That was probably a safe move.
      He parked and we walked in to Shakeys. It was dim as we looked around for the others.
      "There's the love-birds," I hear Dave yell out. Jeeze Dave, spell it out for everyone here! Actually, there was only one other group of people in here, and they seemed to be having a party.
      We went over to their table. I saw Patty was glaring at Dave. He was ignoring her look. Sue and Jan were sitting across from each other as were Dave an Patty. They separated, so Tony and I sat in the middle, across from each other too. Hmm, boy, girl, boy. We almost looked like three straight couples.
      "So, what were you doing, when the cop pulled up behind you?" Dave said to me. Oh god, I thought this was going to be fun.
      "Oww," Dave said, looking at Patty.
      I looked at Tony.
      He looked at me. "I didn't tell him anything. Just that a cop hassled us when we parked."
      I smiled at him and nodded. Tony rubbed his foot beside mine.
      "So what happened Ben?" Sue asked.
      "Oh, not much. We were making out and a cop pulled up behind us," I said. "He frisked us and gave Tony a drunk driver test."
      Sue was shaking her head.
      "What are you doing Tony? Ben keeps squirming," asked Jan.
      "His hands are on the table," chuckled Sue. "Where's his foot?"
      Jan looked. "He's only touching Ben's foot."
      "That's nothing. Watch this," said Tony. "Take your off your shoes Ben."
      "You'll see."
      Sigh, he's up to something. I took my shoes off. Tony took his off too. He started rubbing my feet with his feet. It felt relaxing. He just looked at me and smiled. OK I'll stare back. He tried the underside of my foot. I'm not ticklish there, so it felt good. I grinned back at him.
      "Oh, I forgot something," Tony said. He took my right hand with both of his hands. He stroked the palm. He was rubbing my foot in sync. with my hand. Mmm, that feels nice.
      "Guess where I'm spending the night?" Tony asked them. He kept rubbing my hand and feet. I was getting warm.
      "Where?" asked Patty.
      "In his bed," he said, looking at me still.
      "No way!" said Dave.
      Tony nodded, grinning at me.
      I felt my face flush. I lost my grin. I shivered. He was stroking my hand in rhythm to my trembling. This is turning me on. Oh! That's what he's doing!
      "OK, I give," I said, looking away from him and pulling my hand away. I didn't realize he could do that to me so easily.
      "Wow!" said Sue.
      Dave scratched his head and shrugged. "I don't get it. It just looked like he was about to cry."
      Patty just shook her head at him.
      Tony was still touching my feet with his.
      "You OK Ben?" Tony whispered to me.
      I looked at him. He had a concerned look. He was probably afraid that I was upset with him. I smiled at him and nodded.
      "I'm fine," I said. I rubbed his feet with mine.
      Patty leaned over and whispered something in Dave's ear.
      "You're kidding." he said. He was giving me a surprised look.
      "OK, my turn," I said to Tony.
      He just chuckled. "Sure." He held out his hand.
      I took it and started stroking the palm of his hand and his feet. We looked at each other. He was just grinning at me. I could tell that he was determined that I would not have any effect on him. OK! I moved my right foot up between his legs. He got a surprised look and squirmed when my foot pressed at his crotch and I moved my toes onto where I thought the top of his dick was. The girls started giggling.
      "Hey! He's cheating," said Dave. "His foot is in Tony's lap!"
      We all busted up laughing then. I kept my foot pressing on Tony, because I could feel his hard dick now. He pressed forward at my foot while we laughed. I rubbed the top of it with my toes. He pulled his hand from me and grabbed the edge of the table.
      "Uh, Ben!"
      "Yes Tony?" I said as I wiggled my toes some more.
      "You little prick tease," he said smiling.
      I did a mock frown at him. "That'll be the last time you'll be able to say that. Wait till tonight!"
      Sue said, "I don't think they'll be able to make it through the movie."
      Oh crud. I moved my foot down. Two hours of only sitting next to Tony. I looked at Tony with raised eyebrows.
      "You still want to go Ben?"
      "To the movie?"
      "If you want to go, I'll be glad to go."
      "That's what I was going to say," said Tony.
      "Oh, come-on, go home and have some fun, you two. Forget the movie," said Patty.
      I started to get up.
      "Not now!" she said laughing, and pushing me back down. "Eat some pizza first."
      I laughed and pretended that I was only pretending to go. But I really was ready to go.
      Tony and I were not very sociable for the rest of the time there. The conversation was about rock groups, that I didn't know about or about movies, that I hadn't seen. Occasionally they would poke Tony and me to get us to pay attention. But that only worked for a few minutes. Finally the two pizzas arrived. Tony and I ate like we were starved. I only ate two pieces, but Tony ate like half of a large pizza.
      Finally Tony was done. He nodded to me and we made motions to go. We wished them a good time at the movie, and they wished us a good time. Dave whispered something to Tony, who nodded back at Dave. I decided I was not going to ask what Dave said. I had learned that lesson!
      We arrived at my house around 6:30pm. We went in to the main house, because I had to go to the bathroom. Mom and Dad were gone.
      "Would you like something to drink?" I asked Tony.
      "No thanks, I'm stuffed."
      "I have to make a pit-stop," I said.
      I went to the bathroom. As I sat there concentrating, I heard Tony turn the stereo on and search for a radio station. Guess I only needed to pee.
      I came out and heard that he had selected a quiet easy-listening kind of station. When I came into the room, he stood up.
      "Care to dance?" he asked.
      Seeing him standing there, just waiting for my reply, gave me such a strong feeling of love for him. I nodded and walked up to him. We held each other and only slowly moved to the music. I tried to hold him closer.
      "I love you so much Ben."
      "I love you too." I hugged him tighter.
      "I always want to be with you. I feel lost when you're not around," he said.
      I rubbed his back. Me too. I didn't feel like talking much. Just feeling him against me was enough for now.
      "I was thinking about college," he said.
      College! He's talking about leaving!
      "I couldn't go to one away from you," he said. Whew.
      "So I figured out a plan. I'll try to get into the UC here, or I'll go to a JC. Then we can pick a college that we can both go to when you graduate the next year."
      I hadn't even thought that far ahead. He's so thoughtful.
      "That sounds great," I said. "What are you thinking of majoring in?"
      "Something with chemistry. I'm not sure exactly. It doesn't matter too much the first year, because there's a number of general ed. classes that could be taken at any college."
      I nodded.
      "What do you think you want to do?" he asked me.
      Sigh. I want to make love to you Tony, not talk, right now. I shrugged.
      "I don't know. Maybe electrical engineering."
      "So we'll need to look for an engineering school," he said.
      I nodded. I pulled back to looked into his eyes. I moved my hands up and ran my fingers through his hair at the back of his head. He grinned at me.
      "OK, I know. Let's talk about this later," he said.
      I grinned back at him and move forward to kiss him. We started slow, but he then pressed in hard and we kissed like this would be our last kiss ever. He started licking at that spot, hard and fast. I was trembling in rhythm to him. He pulled back when he felt me relax after a peak. I hugged him tight.
      "I want to be with you forever," I said.
      "Then we will be," he replied.
      We stood there hugging and swaying to the music for a while. I was just thinking about how nice he felt. But I was getting tired of standing. When are we going to bed? Should I make the first move?
      "Would you like to go to my room now, Tony?"
      He rubbed my back and hugged me. "Sure."
      I held his hand and lead him to my room. This feels like a dream. After turning on the light and closing the door, I turned to him.
      "Now what?" He said, as he put his hand on my shoulders. I just looked up at him and started unbuttoning his shirt. He smiled and started on my shirt. I've never seen him without his shirt off. I got to the bottom button and pulled the shirt out of his pants to get the last button. He was slower on my shirt. I opened his shirt and felt his smooth white chest. He has very little chest hair. I felt and looked at his pecs. They look nice and firm. I saw his nipples. Wow! They are large and dark. Mine are small and pink. I moved my thumbs over them.
      He went, "Mmmm."
      I looked up at him. He was still concentrating on my buttons. I took over and pulled my shirt out, undid the last button, and took it off. He took his shirt off too. He stroked my chest. I started on his pants. I want to see him completely naked. He got my belt undone. I used my heels to take my shoes off. Tony sat down on the bed to take his shoes off. While he did that I took off everything, socks, pants, and underware. Tony paused to look at me, especially at my hard dick.
      "Hurry up Tony," I said. He really started moving now.
      I watched carefully as his took his pants off. Yup, he was hard. It was pointing straight up. I heard him chuckle. I looked up to see that he was looking at me.
      "Like what you see?" he said.
      I nodded, grinning. I moved up to him and hugged him. Wow, there is so much bare skin touching. He feels so warm and smooth. We started to kiss, but he stopped.
      He bent down, and put his arm behind my knees and picked me up in his arms. I put my arms around his neck. He turned and laid me on the bed. His strength impressed me. That gave me an idea, as he was moving onto the bed. He moved towards me, but I put my hand to his shoulder and held him back.
      He's giving me a confused look. I just smiled at him.
      "What's going on Ben?" he asks.
      "You know when you kissed me at the party and I made you stop."
      He looked away. "Yes. Are you saying we should stop?"
      I laughed. "No, but I just realized that I like you to be aggressive with me, but only when we're alone."
      He looked back at me. "Oh" He looked at my hand. He made a grab for it. I quickly moved it out of his reach. I'm not going to make it that easy. He started to lunge at me. I used my feet to push him off of the bed.
      He hung on to my foot to keep himself from going completely off.
      "Wait a minute Ben. I don't want to wrestle right now. One of us could get hurt."
      I looked disappointed.
      "Tell you what, I'll teach you how to wrestle, another time, so that we won't hurt each other." He was moving up onto the bed.
      "OK," I said.
      "But, I'm bigger than you, so I'll probably win most of the time."
      "Ah, but maybe that's what I want."
      He had climbed over me. I was on my back and he was sitting across my thighs.
      "Just when I think I have you figured out, you throw something new at me. You're one complex guy," he said to me.
      "That's one of the things I love about you." he leaned down and kissed me. He sat back up and looked down at me. I stroked his chest with my hands. He look down at my penis and took a hold of it with his hand. I moved my hand down to grab him. He pushed my hand away.
      "No, it's my turn now."
      He scooted down and licked the head of my dick. I couldn't help but put push up at him. He moved down and took more of it in. Wow, that's nice and warm. He moved up and down. I looked at him with his mouth around me. He was moving too fast, so I ran my fingers through his hair and held his head to slow him down. I jumped when he came up and licked and sucked on the head. He did that again. I groaned.
      He stopped and scooted up. I stroked his chest. He grabbed my wrists and held them down.
      "Got you now," he said.
      "Yes you do, and anything you want."
      He kissed me deep. Then he stopped and moved down to lick and kiss my nipples. It tickled, but didn't do much for me. Hmm, I guess every part of me isn't an orgasm zone. He moved down and sucked the head of my penis for a short time. Then he moved up and kissed me deep again, hitting my hot spot. He was still holding my arms. He moved his bare chest on me. I could feel his hard dick pressing against me. I've never felt so hot. Now I know where that term comes from. It wasn't just my face that was feeling hot, but my whole body was burning up. He pulled back from kissing.
      "Please Tony...," I said. Please let me go so I can touch your penis and get you so turned on that you'll fuck me.
      "Please what Ben?" he said smiling. He licked my lips. "What do you want Ben?"
      "You know."
      He just smiled at me. So I made humping motions, up at him, with my hips. He grinned more.
      "So what do you want?"
      "I want to feel you in me Tony."
      He just looked at me smiling, and he gave me a quick kiss. Then he sat up again and looked at me.
      "Please Tony..."
      He grinned. "Yes, Ben?"
      Ah, he wants me to beg for it. Maybe to get back at me for making him wait. OK, if he won't let me touch him, I'll get him hot with words.
      "I want to feel your hard penis in me." I pushed my hips up at him and tried to wiggle against him.
      He nodded.
      "I want to feel you sliding in and out of me."
      His smile was fading and being replaced by a look of lust.
      I whispered, "I want you to fuck me Tony. Please fuck me. I want to feel you cum in me." He is breathing more heavily, and he's pushing himself into my crotch.
      "Now Ben?" he asked. He's hesitating. Why?
      "Don't you want to Tony?"
      "Yes, ever since I first saw you Ben. But I don't want to hurt you."
      "I'll let you know if you do."
      "I've never done it before," he said. "Dave made it sound so easy, but tonight he told me to be careful, to go slow. So I'm trying to go slow."
      This is agonizing. I know Dave, he didn't mean make love slowly, he meant, push it in slowly at the start. No wonder Tony is taking his time. It's great, but I can't wait any more.
      "I think he meant, when you push into me, to go slow at the start so that I can relax."
      His eyes got wide. "Oh."
      "I really do want you," I said.
      "OK, what do we do," he said. Now he seemed to be getting excited again.
      "Well, there's some vasoline on the night stand. And a towel."
      He looked over there, then back at me.
      He let go of my arms and rolled me over. Huh? How does he know this is the position I would want? Oh, Dave had told him 'details.' Tony reached over and grabbed the jar of vasoline.
      He scooped a glob out of the jar. He put his hand on my left cheek and pulled it to the side. He put the vasoline right on my hole. He smoothed it around with his fingers. The tip of a finger pushed in a little. I pushed back.
      "Yes," I whispered. I closed my eyes and focused on his finger sliding in me. I pushed back onto his finger. I was tight. He moved it around. I tried relaxing.
      "Try two fingers Tony."
      He pushed another one in beside the first one. Ah, now I can feel myself relaxing.
      "I'm ready Tony."
      "OK Ben." He took his fingers out. "Should I put some on me too."
      I just laid there and felt him move on my thighs, while he added vasoline onto himself. Any minute now and he's going to be in me.
      "OK, ready?"
      I nodded. He put his knee between my legs. Oh yeah. I spread my legs apart. I felt his penis move into my crack. He moved it up and down, till it was on my hole.
      "Is that it?" he asked.
      "Yes," I whispered and nodded. This is it. I pushed back onto him and I tried to push out hard so that I would be relaxed. He moved forward and the head popped in. "Ouch!" I jumped.
      "Are you OK," he asked.
      "It hurts a bit," I groaned. "Maybe pull out, then go in again."
      He pulled out and started to get off of me.
      "No Tony, put it back in, now. Please."
      He moved back and pushed in slower. I just concentrated on relaxing and forced myself to not push up to him. Now he slid in slowly. Ah, that feels good. Now I pushed my hips up to get more of him in me.
      "That feels good now Tony. Keep going."
      He slide in more until I felt his belly against my butt.
      "Oh Ben, you feel so good."
      He laid down on me. His weight made me feel secure and safe. And he was so warm. He pushed into me with short humping motions.
      "Oh yes, Tony," I whispered, "fuck me." He started moving in and out more. He held my bent arms to my sides and held my hands.
      "I want to make this last Ben. You feel so good."
      I couldn't talk any more. I just concentrated on the feeling of him moving in and out. I concentrated on his breathing and his rhythm. I could feel him push in hard, then stop to get control. Then he would go some more. He was starting to sweat. I was too.
      He put his mouth to my ear. I heard his heavy panting.
      "I love you Ben," he whispered loudly in my ear.
      "I love you too," I said, while pushing my hips up to meet his thrusts. He was going faster now, and not pausing. I was feeling the waves of pleasure building in me. What will push me over? He's breathing, his weight on me, his slippery body moving on my back as he squeezes my arms to my sides. That's it! I concentrated on his body sliding on my back and his thrusting in and out of me. I was trembling now. He was noticing and thrusting in rhythm to my trembling, or was I matching his rhythm? Stop thinking Ben, and just feel him. I concentrated more. That's it, I felt the wave of pleasure hit and the roaring in my ears.
      I was still trembling from that orgasm. Tony was still going. He was moving very fast now. I felt more waves of pleasure, but I wanted to feel when Tony came. He was now kind of grunting and really pushing into me hard. It felt so good. Oh wow, I'm cumming! Really cumming, because I could feel the sperm shooting out of me. Tony pushed in deep and kept pushing in with sharp thrusts. Ah, he must be cumming. He went rigid on my back. I felt his penis throbbing in me.
      He collapsed on me, limp and breathing heavily. Ah, this moment is almost as good as any orgasm. I just laid there feeling him breathing on me. Our bodies were dripping wet. My ass felt nice and warm. I grinned, that well-fucked-feeling was there. I trembled with the feelings.
      "Mmmm, 'you OK Ben?" Tony asked. He was still a little out of breath.
      "I feel wonderful Tony."
      He started to pull out. "No! Please stay in me a little longer."
      "OK, lover-boy." He kissed my neck. "I'm not too heavy on you?"
      "No you feel great.
      "So, am I a good lay?" I asked.
      "Oh, Ben. That question seems so crude now. A few weeks ago, this would have only been about that. Uh, me getting my rocks-off. I'm glad we waited, because I found out that I really care about you and want to make you feel good."
      "I care about you too, Tony."
      I felt him start to move in and out of me a little. "Are you going to do some more?"
      "If you want me to? I might be able to manage it."
      "Are you kidding? You can fuck me as much as you want Tony. You feel so good in me and on me."
      "Did you cum?" he asked. I felt him get harder and start to push in and out more.
      "Oh yes, twice. Just before you came in me. And I shot too!"
      "You really are hot-stuff Ben. I don't want to wear you out though."
      I chuckled, "Wear me out! You're the one doing all the work!"
      "I'll take this kind of work any time!" he replied, thrusting in deep.
      I moaned in reply. He was going slower now. I could tell he was trying to hold back before, now I could tell he was going to take longer this time. I relaxed under him and concentrated on feeling his heat and movement in me. I found myself pushing back in rhythm to his thrusts. He amplified this, by pushing into me with the rhythm of my trembling. The orgasm wave hit fast this time. White intensity. His thrusting brought me back though. Each thrust was causing kind of intense mini orgasms now. Oh I love him so much. I started crying now.
      "Ben, I'm I hurting you?" he asked. He paused.
      "No Tony," I gasped out. "You just feel so good." He started moving again. A bit slower though. I concentrated again. The conversation with Patty creeped in. 'giving-in, opening up.' Had I done that completely? It sure felt like I had. I tried concentrating on feeling Tony, responding to his movements. Oh god, that is more intense. I imagined that I could feel his thoughts and feelings of pleasure as his penis slid in and out of me. My slick body under him. The feeling of me responding to his thrusts so intimately. A wave was building again. This one was going to be big. The feeling was starting at the back of my neck and spreading out like a heat wave. I've got to let Tony know how wonderful he's making me feel.
      "You're going to make me cum again," I gasped. He thrust in harder and faster. A wave of heat was moving quickly up my back. I felt his chest rubbing on my back between my shoulder blades. The waves of pleasure merged there and I went rigid with my orgasm. I couldn't feel anything but the pleasure. I was holding my breath and intensifying it. Then Tony's thrusting in me brought me back. He was moaning and panting now. Again I felt him push in hard and spasm on me. He then quickly relaxed on me. He lay there panting for sometime. I just laid there and felt like he was so much a part of me.
      Darn, he is starting to feel heavy on me. But I loved feeling his warmth and our sweat, so I'll put up with it for a while more. I felt him getting soft in me. He moved a bit and he slipped out. Whew. Actually that feels better now. But I still can't wait till the next time.
      "Would you like to take a shower Tony?"
      "Hmm," he said, "sure, I guess we are all sweaty." He rolled off of me. Brrr, now it's cold with the drying sweat.
      Tony looked where I was laying and moved his hand across the sheet. "The sheet is soaking wet," he said. He smelled his hand. "And it all isn't sweat," he said, laughing.
      I laughed too. I looked at his penis. It was soft, about three inches long now, with the fore-skin hanging off the end. I want to lick it, but not right after where it's been. Yuck. I need to remember to clean him with lots of soap there.
      I got up. Now what to wear? I could get dressed to go into the house or maybe I can find my robe to wear. I looked in my closet. What's this. Two white robes? I pulled them out.
      "I don't believe this!"
      "What?" said Tony.
      "His and His robes! I guess the bigger one is yours." I handed him the the longer white robe.
      "I don't believe my Mom got us these!"
      "I guess they know exactly what we're doing," he said, chuckling.
      We went into the house.
      "Let's use the shower in my parent's room," I said, "it's a little bigger."
      I got the water temperature adjusted and we got in. Mmm, we just stood in the water hugging for a while. He let go and grabbed the bar of soap.
      "Here, let me wash you." He stood in the water and had me face the wall. He used both his hands to soap up my back and arms. He lifted my arms and soaped there. That tickled. He moved lower and spent quite a lot of time between my legs. His fingers felt good around my hole. I was getting hard. He pushed a little bit of a finger tip in. The soap burned. I pulled away.
      "The soap burns a little, on the inside," I said.
      "Sorry." He turned me around. "Looks like you didn't mind too much," he said, as he grabbed a hold of my half hard dick. He soaped it up and got it real hard. He moved to my balls and one hand moved under to massage my hole again. I gasped and put my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance. I pushed into his hand stroking me.
      "Would you like me to make you cum?" he asked.
      "Sure, but can I play with you too?" I looked down and saw that he was pointing straight out.
      He nodded, but I was already reaching for it. I pulled the skin all the way down to expose the head. It was really red, compared to the rest of his penis. Oh yeah, I need to clean it good. I grabbed the bar of soap from the soap dish and rubbed soap all over my hands and then I slid my soapy hand over his now very hard cock. He jumped when I went over the head with my hand.
      "Wow, that's really sensitive, Ben."
      "Right here?" I asked as I went quickly over the head.
      He gasped. "Yes!"
      He did that to me. I jumped a little, but I liked it.
      "More," I whispered.
      "You like that?"
      He moved his hand up and down, being sure to go over the head. I moved my hand so that I was moving his fore-skin up and down over his penis head. I was cupping his balls and playing with them. Tony moved his hand over my hole. I concentrated on that. We both started moving faster with our hands.
      "Ah, here it come Ben." I could feel his cock get really hard. I moved my hand over the head to make it extra intense. He jerked forward. I aimed him at my dick. His first squirt hit my stomach. I aimed lower. The next one hit right on my dick head. Well it couldn't miss, since they were almost touching now. I looked at his face. His head was back and his eyes were shut tight. His whole body was ridged as he jerked and squirted out more semen. Then he relaxed.
      "Ahhh. That was really intense!" he said. I moved my hands up to massage his chest. He started moving his hands on me again.
      "OK, your turn Ben." He got more soap from the bar. He stroked me and his other hand played with my balls. I took that hand and moved it to behind me. I was turned sideways to him and he slid his fingers into my crack to massage my hole. I pushed back and found I wanted to concentrate on that hand more then the one stroking me. He found the rhythm to my jerking and I knew it wouldn't be long now. He stopped moving his hand at my rear. No! What'll I do? I was almost there. I reached down and put my hand on his and moved his hand on my rear.
      "Oh, you like that," he said.
      I nodded. "Lots!" And I pushed back at his massaging hand. He pushed a finger tip in. Ahh, who cares if it burns a little. He found the rhythm again. That's it here it cums. I felt the cum shoot out.
      "Ahh" I gasped. He went faster on the back and front. That intensified the next spurts. I relaxed and he stopped and moved his finger out. Yeow, that really burns now. I turned and hugged him.
      I felt the water start to get cooler. Oh well, time to finish up. I moved away from him and turned the cold water down so it felt warmer.
      "Your turn now," I said to him.
      I grabbed the soap and turned him to the wall.
      I soaped up his back and arms and under his arms. He jumped when I cleaned under his arms, but he raised them higher. He didn't seem to be ticklish though. Hmmm, that's interesting, he seems to like it. I moved down to soap up his butt. Wow a nice firm butt of a runner. Should I do what he did to me? Why not. I slid the soap bar and my fingers between his cheeks. Then I felt around for the hole. There it is. There was lots of hair around it. He relaxed and pushed back a little.
      "Having fun?" he asked.
      I chuckled. I don't think he wanted me to do much more right now. I stopped and turned him around to soap up his chest. I went under his arms again. I looked at his face. Wow, he does like it. I moved down to soap up his dick again. He jumped. Still sensitive I guess. OK time to rinse off. We both moved under the spray and rubbed the soap off of each other. I left his fore-skin pulled down when I was finish. I liked looking a the red head. But he pulled it back down when I turned the water off. I guess it's more comfortable that way.
      We dried each other off and practically ran back to my room. We jumped onto the bed. Yeow, cold wet spot! I laid a towel over the wet area. I didn't want to go back into the house for a clean sheet.
      We laid on our sides just looking at each other. I reached down and held his penis. He smiled at me. I pulled the fore-skin back. Hmm, I have to lick it.
      "Uh Ben, play with that too much and well..."
      "You promise?" I said as I lick the head, then went down on him. He groaned.
      "Ben," he gasped, "it's still sensitive." I stopped and sat up, still holding his penis which was hard now.
      "Sorry," I said, grinning. I moved his fore-skin up to cover his sensitive head. He sighed. I moved it back down, then up again.
      I giggled. "I just like playing with you." I let go and moved my hands up to massage his smooth chest. He rolled onto his back and sighed, putting his arms up behind his head. Mmmm, I looked at his large bicep muscles and the hair in his arm pits. I moved my right hand up his side and across the hair in his arm pit. He gasped and move his arms down quickly.
      "Did that tickle?" I asked.
      "What then."
      "Let me try again." I moved his arm up again. I held his elbow with my left hand and moved my right hand across his arm pit. He moaned. I looked at his face. His eyes are closed tight and his face is getting red. This is turning him on!
      "Wow, Tony, I think I've found a hot spot on you!"
      He opened is eyes and nodded grinning.
      Hmm, we showered and washed everywhere, so there shouldn't be any deodorant there. I leaned down and put my lips in his arm pit. He jumped. I took a cautious whiff. He smelled only of soap. I licked some with my tongue. He really jumped and groaned. And he brought his arm down quickly. I giggled and continued licking at the top of the crease between his arm and his side. I pushed my tongue into it. He tried to push my head away with his free hand. I reached up and put my thumb in his other arm pit.
      "Ahh, Ben, stop," he gasped, "I can't take it. It's tickling now."
      I stopped and looked up at him.
      "Wow, is that like what my kissing does to you?" he asked. "If it is, I won't do that again."
      "I don't know if what you felt, is like what I feel," I said. "But it doesn't tickle me. And you better not stop doing it." I stretched out on him and put my hand on either side of his face an looked in his eyes.
      "OK, OK," he said, grinning.
      I kissed him, pushing my tongue deep into his mouth. He hugged me tight. He pushed his tongue into my mouth now. I relaxed on him. He rolled over on top of me. Ahh, now that really feels nice. He was rubbing his bare chest against me and kissing me hard, with his tongue hitting right on the spot. The wave of pleasure was building again. I started trembling. Tony started to lick in rhythm to the trembling. Wow, he really is in tune with me. The roaring sound and white-out hit fast. It felt like I was merging with his soul.
      Then it stopped. Tony was beside me, stroking my chest. I was gasping for air. I opened my eyes and saw he was on his side propped up on one elbow looking at me, smiling.
      "Do you know how cute you look, especially just after you've cum?" he said.
      I took a deep contented breath, and close my eyes, smiling, as more after shocks of pleasure hit. They are minor, but feel nice. His hand on my chest feels good.
      I rolled over to my side and put my arm on his side and opened my eyes to look at him.
      "Did I tell you how wonderful you make me feel?" I said.
      He smiled at me and nodded. We just lay there looking at each other. It's like I'm trying to memorize his face. I closed my eyes for a moment then opened them.
      "You look sleepy," he said.
      "Mmm, I guess I am, but I can stay up for more, if you want," I said.
      "Oh man, I thought for sure I'd finally wore you out! You're just a horny love machine Ben!"
      I laughed at that, and rubbed his side. He rolled back on top of me and gave me a quick kiss.
      "Let's sleep lover-boy. We can do this most anytime we want now."
      I nodded.
      He got up and turned off the light. He got back in bed and we pulled the covers up over us. He had me roll on my side away from him, and he snuggled up to my back, with his arm around my chest. I sighed.
      "Good-night Tony, I love you."
      "I love you too. Night." He kissed the back of my neck and hugged me. I shivered. He chuckled and rubbed my chest. I felt him relax.
      As I fell asleep with Tony snuggled up to my back, I thought of how wonderful making love to him felt. Then doubt. Would he stay, now that he got what he wanted? Am I enough, or what he really wants? You can't know that Ben. Only time will tell. OK, I'll think about that later. I went back to thinking about how nice he feels holding me. I listened and felt him breathing. I fell asleep to his breathing.
      I woke up feeling Tony snuggled behind me again. I remembered waking a few times through the night. Rolling over to snuggle next to him, or him moving over to me. He arm was now around my chest and his thumb was stroking my nipple. I could feel his hard penis pressing in my crack and we were sweating a little with our combined heat. I stroked his arm and hand on me. He stirred. His hand moved across my whole chest now.
      "Mmm, good morning lover-boy."
      "Were you awake?" I asked.
      "Not for long."
      We laid there for a few minutes. I just thought about how nice he felt.
      He hugged me, "I love you Ben."
      "I love you too Tony."
      "I'll love you forever Ben." He squeezed me to himself tight.
      I squeezed my arm onto his arm around my chest and rubbed his hand. I couldn't reply, because I was so overcome with joy and tears. I wasn't going to be alone anymore.