Learning About Love: Book 1
© Copyright 1999 - 2006 by email@example.com
This fictional story contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts
between the characters in it. Unsafe sex practices are depicted,
because it is set in a time before the killer STD AIDS; always use a
condom. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. This
story may only be electronically copied to free sites.
Author's note: Here's Chapter 3. It's the heart of the story,
so I shouldn't have been surprised at how fast it was to write.
Thanks for the encouraging messages and to all who have visited my web
OK, now I know his name. So what. Now I know who to avoid, even
though I don't recognize the name.
I thought about what Dave said. I'm not sure if I believe him. That
everything will be OK. Darn! he got me so flustered with his comments
about Tony, that I didn't find out who else he has told. Oh well,
there should be other times to ask him.
Yesterday and today, Friday, I didn't notice as many guys looking at
me, but I still saw some looks that were uncomfortable. So maybe it
was just me being paranoid. Time for lunch again. I'm heading to my
new place to sit.
Hmm, that looks like Dave talking to... Tony!. I change direction to
put some bushes between us. I don't think they saw me. I made it to
my new spot. I noticed that the same three girls seem to sit in this
area too. I got out my lunch and my book. After I had finished
eating, someone walked up to me.
I looked up. It was Tony.
"Hi." I said coolly. Shit, what is he doing here? Where can I go?
He sat down beside me, his back to the girls. "What are you reading."
Whew. "Lord of the Rings," I replied.
"Oh the Tolkin trilogy. I love that story," he said.
"Really? This is my third time re-reading it."
"I should do that sometime. I've forgotten most of it," he said
"That's what I do. When I wait about a year, I find that there are
large areas where I've forgotten the details. Mainly it's cool to get
lost in another world."
He nodded, "I know what you mean."
I put my book down and started to gather my stuff together, so that I
could make a quick run for it, if I had too. He was looking carefully
at what I was doing.
"Uh, I don't want to chase you away from here." He moved back a bit.
"But I mainly came over to apologize for what I said to you
I glanced, past him, at the girls about fifteen feet away. Tony was
talking quietly, so I don't think they could hear our conversation.
But they do seem to be looking at Tony. Who is he? The class
president or something.
I glanced at his worried face, then looked away.
"That's OK, so long as things are clear," I replied.
"Good. Friends then?" he asked as he held out his hand. I took it,
and we shook, but he held on. I looked up at him. He was smiling.
And I was blushing.
"Ah-em," I said as I pulled my hand back. Oh, god is he still after me?
"So you like Tolkin. Do you like science fiction?" I asked him.
"Oh sure. I like Heinlein, Andre Norton, and others"
"How about Asimov and the robot stories?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, those are great. Especially the way he tries to show what
happens when the three laws of robotics are violated.
"Have you read any of David Gerrold's books?" he asked.
"Let's see. 'When Harley was One.' Was that by him?
"I think so," he said, "'The Man Who Folded Himself,' was one of his
that I really liked."
"I'll have to read that."
"You can borrow my copy sometime," he said
"Do you like sports, like football, Ben?"
"No. I'm no good at sports. I don't like the whole jock macho
scene." Uh oh, he might like sports. "But they're OK, so long as
they don't judge me, as a person, based on how well I hit a baseball."
He nodded, "I know what you mean," he said, "jocks can be real jerks
"What classes are you taking," I asked.
"English composition, Trigonometry, Chemistry, College Prep..."
"Those sound like senior level classes," I said interrupting.
"Yes, I'm a senior."
"Really. How old are you?" I asked
"I'll be 18 next month. How about you?"
"I turned 16 at the beginning of this month," I said. So that means
he's almost two years older than me.
"Say, have you seen the movie Airport?" he asked.
"No. I don't go to movies much."
"Would you like to go see it... with me?" he had a real worried look, like
I might blowup at him again.
I looked down. Is he asking me out? He's so handsome. Maybe I can
trust him. OK, I'll take a chance. I looked up and smiled, but not
too much. "Sure. When?"
"How about this Saturday evening?"
Tomorrow? Do I have anything going on? Nope, no hot dates! Last
chance to back out. Oh why not, we seem to have some common
"OK," I said, tying to not let him see how excited I was. "What
"Why don't we trade phone numbers then we can pick a time after
checking out the show times in the paper."
I grabbed my notebook and ripped off some paper. We wrote our numbers
on the scraps and traded them.
"Uh, I don't have a car, how do..."
"I have one," he said. "I can pick you up and get us there."
"Well, I better get going." He stood up. "We can talk more about our
favorite authors," he said. He had a really big grin. "I'll call you
some time tonight or tomorrow. When's a good time?"
"Anytime before 11 tonight or," I thought, I want to sleep in,
"after 10 tomorrow."
"OK bye," he said softly, almost like he wanted to say something else,
but he turned and walked away quickly.
Whew. He's actually pretty nice. Hmm, the girls are still tracking
him. I only know a little about him, but we seemed to really connect
at times. It was like he could read my mind. That handshake! It
felt like he just wanted to hold my hand. If we were alone, I would
have been in his arms at that point. The movie! I might get to be in
his arms tomorrow! Now for the hard part. I need to ask Mom if I can
go to the movie... with an older guy. Well, he's only two years
older. If she didn't know I liked guys, she would probably have said
yes right away to me going the movies with a friend. 'Mom can I go to
a movie with a friend on Saturday.' 'Sure have fun.' Now, the
questions could get embarrassing.
When I got home, I went into the house. "Mom, can I go to the movies
with a friend tomorrow night?"
"Who's the friend," she asked.
"His name's Tony." I didn't continue.
"And who is Tony?"
"He's a senior at school."
"OK, how do you know him? Can you tell me more? You haven't talked
about him before."
This is not going well, spooning out the information.
"Well we met at lunch today and we talked about science fiction books
and stuff. Then he asked if I would like to go see the movie
She just looked at me, thinking.
"Well, it's sort of a date,' I added.
"Oh? Does he know it's a date?"
"Well he asked me. Why the third degree?"
"Sorry, I just want you to be careful. He may not think of it as a
date the same way as you. He might want to just be friends."
I sighed. OK, I'll tell more. "Well, I think he talked to me because
he and Dave know each other." I looked away, hoping she would realize
I didn't want to say more.
"Oh, I see," she said. She was grinning, when I looked back at her.
"You can go, but I want to meet him before the movie. And you have to
be back by midnight."
"Thanks Mom!" I turned and went to my bedroom quickly, before she
could think of more questions or add more conditions.
Alright! The hardest part is over. Now, when is Tony going to call?
I hope it's tonight!
Tony called, just before ten, to let me know the time. The movie
starts at 8:30pm. I asked him to come over at 7:30 so that there
would be time for him to come in, though I didn't tell him that part.
Our house is such that he would have to park, because you can't see
the front door from the street.
We talked about Tolkin, science fiction, and TV shows. My sister
walked by a few times. Then she motioned like she was talking on the
phone, then pointed to herself.
"I've got to go, my sister wants to use the phone. See you tomorrow."
"OK, bye Ben."
"You got a boyfriend?" smirked my sister.
"No, just a friend." I walked away so I wouldn't have to explain more.
Saturday just dragged. I watched TV, tried to read my novel, and
tried to think of a project to work on, but nothing was interesting.
I couldn't get Tony out of my head.
Around four o'clock, I spent almost a half hour picking out what to
wear. I first picked a deep blue fuzzy shirt with blue corduroy
pants. It was too dark, all blue, and no contrast. I ended up
keeping the blue chords and picking a brushed cotton blue and dark red
plaid long sleeve shirt. I took a shower and shaved. I watched the
news until dinner was ready.
Dinner was just me and my parents. My sister was already out on her
date, thank goodness. During dinner I was quiet, but kind of
jittery. After dropping the salt shaker then knocking over my water,
Dad said things will be OK, just stop thinking about tonight.
We were done with dinner at 6:30 and Tony wouldn't be here until 7:30.
My parents turned on the TV and watched a game show. I tried not to
think about tonight, like Dad said. I kept looking at my watch.
At 7:19, I felt the need to pee, so I figured now would be a good
time, so that I wouldn't have to go at the theater. While I was in
the bathroom I thought, what if he's early. I tried to hurry up.
Sheesh, come on. Finally it was done. I quickly zipped up and went
7:25. Come on time. I looked again 7:26.
<ding> <dong>. "That's him!" I leaped up. Mom and Dad were
grinning at me, almost laughing. Mom also got up to turn down the TV.
I opened the door. "Hi Tony. Come on in for a bit." Tony was
wearing a blue jacket with white sleeves. It looked like he had a
green corduroy shirt on. And he was wearing blue jeans.
He looked a little surprised, but he came in.
Dad walked up. "Hi Tony, I'm Don Carter." He put out his hand and
Tony shook it.
"Nice to meet you Mr. Carter," Tony replied.
"Hi, I'm Sally," said Mom
"Nice to meet you," Tony said, nodding towards her.
"It's nice to meet the guy that's been causing my boy to mope around
all day," Mom said.
"Mom!" She just looked a me and shrugged. I looked at Tony. He was
turning red. He looked at me, with a 'what do I say' kind of look.
"I hear Airplane is a good movie," Dad said.
I grabbed my jacket and put it on. "Well, we should get going."
"Have a good time guys. Be back by midnight," said Mom.
We got outside. Tony walked ahead to his car. It was an old station
"What was that all about?" he asked, as he got into the car.
I got into the car. "They wanted to meet who I was going out with."
"They sound awfully strict."
"Yeah, well they're OK," I said, defending them.
"OK, what's going on, Ben?"
"Your Mom's comment. What was that about?"
"Well, they sort of know this is a date," I admitted.
"You mean they know you're..."
"Gay. Yes," I said.
"I don't believe this. My parents would flip. They certainly would
not want to see my date.
"Wait a minute, what makes you think this is a date?" he said, giving
me a stern look.
"I, well, you asked me, uh, I'm sorry, I don't mean..." I started
looking for the door handle.
"Calm down. It's OK Ben. I was just kidding. I think it's cute that
you think of this as a date. I guess I never really thought about
Whew. "Don't do that to me Tony. That scares me."
He reached over and rubbed my shoulder. "Sorry Ben.
"Wow, I just didn't realize I'd be meeting your parents," he said
grinning, as he started the car.
"What theater we going to?" I asked.
"The AMC Twin. We should have plenty of time.
"Oh, here's the 'Man Who Folded Himself' book," he said. He pointed
at a book on the seat between us.
"Thanks." I picked it up and I read the back cover. "Ah, it's about
time travel. I love time travel stories."
"I thought you might, after you described 'The End of Eternity' book."
We got to the theater and parked. When we got to the ticket booth, I
reached for my wallet.
"No, no, I'm buying," he said.
"It's the least I can do for all the times I've scared you."
We walked up to the ticket taker. This felt so strange walking behind
him, with him. Can anyone tell that I'm 'with him?' We ordered some
candy and cokes. He paid again. This feels nice, having someone pay
for me. I'll need to make sure that I pay for the next date. What do
I mean next date? Slow down you idiot, you're not done with this
"Huh, what was that?" I asked. Tony had said something.
"Where would you like to sit?"
"Oh somewhere near the center," I said.
He picked out two seats off the center isle, about half way down. He
motioned for me to go in first. I sat down and took off my jacket and laid
it down next to me. Tony took off his jacket and draped it across the
arm between us.
Tony reached under the arm-rest and took my hand. His jacket was on
the arm-rest and his leg, so no one could see that we were holding
hands. I jumped a little.
"Wow, you're jumpy tonight."
"Sorry," I said. I took a deep breath and settled back. His hand was
large compared to mine. I squeezed it. He squeezed back. Some
people came up to go in our isle. I let go of his hand as we moved
our legs back for them to go by.
Tony reached under the arm and brushed the side of my thigh. I jumped
again. I busted up laughing. He laughed too. I wasn't going to
hold his hand though, until the movie stared. I didn't want anyone to
see. We didn't talk. We just sat there waiting. We would look at
each other occasionally. He would look at me longer than I could
look at him. Finally the movie started.
I put my hand down and held his hand. I watched the movie, but most
of my attention was on his hand. I shifted my hand and interlaced
our fingers. He caressed the top of my hand with his thumb. I
looked at him and smiled. He smiled back. We turned to look at the
movie. It sure had a lot of big stars in it. The plot was kind of
predictable. Get us involved in different peoples stories, have the
plane crash, and show how people react in different ways during
In the middle of an action part of the movie, Tony leaned over and
whispered in my ear, "I wish I could kiss you."
I nodded and squeezed his hand. But still looked at the movie. Just
his breath on me was exciting. What can I whisper to him, so that I
can get nearer to him? Got it. I leaned over and whispered, "You'll
get your wish when we get back to your car. I want you to kiss me."
This was wonderful. My nose was in his curly hair. I could smell his
shampoo and some of what he smelled like. I didn't want to move away,
but I had too.
He looked at me with a big grin. We locked eyes for a moment that
seemed to last forever. But it must have been only seconds. We
turned away again. I want to whisper all kinds of hot things in his
ear, but I don't think I could stand it. All of sudden I was aware of
all the people around us. Were they looking? I lost the connection
with Tony. I tried to glance around casually. I saw a number of
couples leaning next to each other.
Tony must have noticed, because he leaned over again and whispered,
"No one can see us. We're OK." I nodded again, but now I felt sad
for breaking that special feeling that seemed to be building between
us. Tears were forming. I looked down and forced the feeling away.
Tony must have felt me tense up. He moved our hands over and
caressed the side of my thigh with the back of his hand. I sighed
with the breath of air that I was holding.
"Do you want to go?" he whispered.
I shook my head and whispered back, "I'll be OK." He squeezed my hand
and I squeezed back. But I wasn't going to be OK.
"I don't mind. I don't care about the movie that much," he whispered
I sat and thought about it. Would it really be OK to leave in the
middle of the movie? I sort of wanted to see the crash. But I'm
going nuts sitting next to Tony, without being able to do more than
hold his hand. What will we do if we do leave early? I visualized us
going to his car. No one else was in the parking lot. We could kiss
in his car. Yes! Who cares about this dumb movie.
"Are you sure it would be OK to go now?" I whispered to him.
He had a surprised look, but he nodded.
I hope he really was OK with leaving. Now I feel guilty for wasting
the money he spent on us to go to this movie.
We let go of our hands and collected our jackets and drinks. Tony
looked at me. I nodded. He got up from his isle seat and headed up
the isle. I moved to the isle, ducking down so I wouldn't block the
view of the people behind us. It was like I was floating up the isle
behind Tony. We went out into the bright empty lobby. He looked at
"Sorry about that in there," I said.
He had a confused look. "Huh, sorry about what? You don't want to be
I looked around. There were only two guys, probably ushers, and a
girl behind the candy counter. Poor Tony, it's just the opposite!
Wait till we can be alone, then I can tell you.
"No, that's not it at all. Let's go to your car," I said.
"I don't understand," he said.
"It'll be OK, please let's go," I tried to say firmly.
He shrugged and and followed a little glumly. When we got a ways from
the lights and among the cars in the parking lot. I bumped, a
little,into his side on purpose. He looked at me. I was giving him a
big grin. He grinned back and bumped me back. We bumped a few more
times before getting to his car. He unlocked my door. I slid across
the seat and unlocked his door. When he got in, I scooted close to
him. He put his arm over my shoulder. I pushed my hand behind his
back and snuggled closer to him.
"Mmm, this is what I wanted to do in the theater," I said, "but I got
scared of all the people around us."
"That's a relief. I thought you had changed your mind, and didn't
want to be there with me."
I hugged him. He feels so nice and warm. His hand feels nice as he
moves it through my hair. I look up at him and pull back a little so
I can look in his eyes. He looked at me with a questioning look. His
eyes are so beautiful. He said he wanted to kiss me. I grinned at
"So, are you going to kiss me?" I said in an almost whisper.
He had a big grin now. He pulled me closer. This is it. I closed my
eyes. But he put his lips to my neck and hugged me. I put my other
arm around his chest and hugged him back. My nose was buried in his
curly hair. I kissed his neck. Mmm, I smelled his hair and I tried
to identify what he smelled like. Some of it was like BO, but not Bad
Odor, it is just what he smells like.
His tongue was tickling my neck and giving me shivers. I moaned a
little and hugged closer. He pulled back and used his hands to move
my hair out of my face and to stroke my cheek. He's so handsome. I
can think all of this. Should I say it to him? Wouldn't he just
think I'm being mushy?
He moved fast. The next thing I knew his lips were pressed to mine.
I had only kissed a girl, once, briefly. She had put her tongue in my
mouth. It was quick and I didn't know what to do, then it was over.
It was a good-bye kiss at a camp, so I never saw her again.
Tony opened his mouth some and used his tongue to lick my lips. Now
that's an obvious invitation! I opened my lips some. He moved his
tongue into my mouth. I tentatively touched the tip of his tongue
with mine. He swirled his tongue around mine. Wow, this is so
intimate and intense. I opened up wider and licked across more of his
tongue. Breathe! I was holding my breath.
He pushed his tongue in deep and he slid it under my tongue and licked
underneath. That's it, stars. I squeezed him harder and I started
shaking with the feelings moving through me. This is so intense.
It's like a third different type of orgasm for me! I can't take much
more. I was moaning a little. I'm going to start crying if he keeps
going. I started to pull back a bit. He let me. Then he put his
hand behind my neck, pulled me in hard, and pushed his tongue under
mine again, and licked at that sensitive spot in the back. Oh god,
it's like he's fucking me with his tongue! I concentrated on the tip
of his tongue, the feel of his firm body holding me. That's it, I'm
kind of sobbing now, and trembling with a feeling of intense joy. He
moved his hand from my neck to my shoulder and he started to pull
back. I pulled away more and our kiss was over. I buried my face
into his chest and really started crying now. I hugged him tight and
he hugged back. Moving his hands over my back and through my hair.
That started more waves of pleasure. I don't think I can take more of
this. I held my breath to shut down. This is getting too
embarrassing and I don't want to scare him. Actually, I'm getting a
little scared of what ever this is.
I let out my breath. Whew, I'm back, feeling his warm body again.
I'm all sweaty.
"Oh Tony. You feel so good!"
He rubbed my back some more. He didn't say anything. What is he
thinking? I gave him short squeeze and moved back some so that I
could look at his face. He had a worried look, and his eyebrows were
raised, with a surprised look.
"Are you OK?" he asked.
"Oh that was wonderful. I've never felt like that before."
"You were crying. Did I hurt you?"
"No. Those were tears of joy. You make me feel so good Tony." I
"Do you know sometimes it feels like you can read my mind. Like when we were
in the theater," I said, with my head on his chest again.
"I wish," he said. "Like I said, I thought you had changed your mind
"But, you still sensed something was wrong with me."
"Yeah, I do feel some kind of connection to you. You know ever since
I first saw you, I felt... such a strong attraction that I said stupid
things," he said. "I didn't think I would ever be able to hold you
like this." He gave me a squeeze and rubbed my back.
I sighed, and relaxed into his embrace.
"I was attracted to you too, when I first saw you. But I was too
scared to show it," I said. I took a chance with Dave... no I don't
want to bring up Dave now.
He pulled me away a bit to look at me. He was kind of studying my
face, like he was trying to memorize it. I looked at him. He licked
his lips. Is he going to kiss me again? I won't wait, I'll kiss
I moved forward and pressed my lips to his lips. I used my tongue on
his lips like he did to me. He opened up and flicked the tip of my
tongue with his. He pushed his into my mouth and swirled it around
mine. Hmm, maybe I could try sucking on it. I did that. He
tightened his grip on me. Hee, Hee, he must like that. He put his
hand behind my back again and pulled me in tight. I felt his tongue
trying to get under mine again, searching for that spot. Then he hit
it! I started trembling and all I could feel was the pleasure his
tongue was giving me. He was flicking his tongue in rhythm to my
trembling. I didn't know how much more I could take. I tried to pull
back a little, but his hand wouldn't let me. Oh, well I'll just go
with it. I started to really shake now. The wave of pleasure peaked.
But he kept going. I don't want to cry again, please stop. I pulled
back harder now. He let me go this time. I was panting. I didn't
realize I had been holding my breath. Keep the tears down. I
trembled again and he held me tight.
"Oh wow, Dave was right, you really are something special," he said.
I froze now. Why did he bring up Dave! I felt a cold anger. Jealousy?
"I don't want to talk about Dave," I said firmly.
"Oh, sorry." He rubbed my back. I relaxed again.
"Uh, Ben, when I kissed you, what..., uh, did you cum?" he asked.
I trembled at the thought. "I don't know what to call it. It feels
like I'm cumming but nothing comes out. Actually the feeling is not
in the same place. I don't know what's going on; I've never felt like
that before," I said. Well, not quite true. I'd had similar feelings
"You mean you didn't feel anything here," he said as he reached down
between my legs and felt around.
I wasn't hard but his thumb found the head of my dick. I press up at
his hand. But I was blushing. No, I don't want to go further. "Uh
Tony, please don't. It feels good, but I... we need to wait."
He moved his hand away quickly. "Sorry," he said coldly. I felt his
body stiffen up.
I'd hurt him. What can I say? I have to be careful. Things were
going so well. Tell him about Dave? No! I don't want to talk about
Dave. Tony was starting to let me go. He's withdrawing. Panic,
ache. What can I say?
"Are you just a prick tease?" he said angerly. He had turned away
from me to face forward. It was kind of obvious that he didn't want
to touch me, so I moved my hand from behind his back and turned to
face forward too.
The only way I could keep the tears from coming would be to get angry
back at him. I don't want that. But is he like Dave, only interested
in sex? It doesn't seem that way. OK, go ahead and cry. I feel like
such a wimp. He's not doing anything. My head is down and I'm
wringing my hands in my lap. OK, stop. I have to stop crying so I
"Tony, I didn't mean to..." I tried to talk. "Maybe I responded too
much... when we kissed. I wasn't trying to lead you on." He wasn't
"I really want to do it with you Tony. But I want more than that. I
want to get to know you Tony." I turned to look at him. He was
looking ahead with a far away look. What can I say?
"We've only just started. I didn't mean to mess things up." I want
to touch him so bad, but I could feel his withdrawal.
"So, you just want to be friends?" he asked, sadly.
"No. I want to be, to be..." what? Then the word came to me,
"Really? Do you mean like going steady?" he asked.
"I guess. Sure! That would be great! Uh, that's if that's what you
He nodded and turned towards me. "I can wait, if I know that I'll get
to see you more."
"Oh yes Tony. I want to see you a lot too." I moved over to hug him.
He put his arms around me. I snuggled my face into his chest. He
smelled different. Fear. It was like I could smell the fear and
anger that he was feeling a moment ago.
"Oh really, how much of me do you want to see?" he chuckled.
"Huh? Oh, ha, ha, I get it. Eventually all of you," I replied,
giving him a quick squeeze. I looked up and moved to kiss him. Ah,
his lips felt so good. He move his tongue around mine and he was
pushing in deeper. Someone passed by our car! I pulled back quick.
"Tony! There's other people around!"
He and I looked around as we moved apart.
"Looks like the movie is getting out," he said. "You ready to go
"Sure," I said.
Tony got his keys out and started the car. I reached over and held
his hand. He squeezed my hand back and smiled at me. Then he let go
Home was only about ten minutes away. He turned on the radio.
'Spirit in the Sky' was playing.
"I like that song," I said.
He smiled at me and turned it up. I watched him drive and bounce to
the beat of the song. We both sang along with the words. I loved
watching the way he moved. He pulled up in front of my house and
turned the radio down.
"Well," he said, "bye for now, my boyfriend."
Wow, he really knows how to make me blush. I quickly moved to give
him a hug. Then I looked up and kissed him. Now he went in deep and
right to that spot! Oh god. I pushed against him and just trembled,
while he moved his tongue. I felt a peak wave hit, then I relaxed.
He must have felt that, because he backed off and ended the kiss.
"I'm going to miss you," he said, as he rubbed my back while holding
I was still catching my breath, so I just squeezed back. Then I
pulled away and looked at his face one more time. I put my hand to
his cheek, it was a little rough. Then I moved my fingers through his
soft loosely curled hair and stopped at his neck, as I looked into his
"I'll miss you too Tony. Call me soon, so that we can plan when to
see each other again."
"OK, I'll call you tomorrow afternoon."
"OK, bye Tony, my boyfriend." I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and
got out of his car and waved good-bye as he drove off.
It felt like I was floating up the sidewalk. I have a boyfriend! I went
into the house. It was almost eleven. I saw my parents sitting at the
dining room table having a snack.
"Hi," I said.
"Hi Ben," they said together.
"How was the movie?" Mom asked.
"It was good. There were all kinds of big stars in it. Dean Martin,
Burt Lancaster, and Maureen Stapleton. I don't remember the other
actor's names. It was mostly a big soap opera with a number of people
and their stories all put together on an airplane about to crash. It
started kind of slow, then it got tense when a bomb exploded on the
plane." I paused.
"Would you like some cake?" Mom asked.
"Sure," I said. She got up to cut me a piece.
"So, how were they able to land?" Dad asked.
Whoops, we didn't see that part. I should have given a more
generalized description of the movie. "I don't know. We didn't stay
to see the crash landing," I admitted. I looked down.
"Why not," he asked.
"Well I started feeling funny about all the other couples in the
theater who were leaning together during the movie, and I got self
conscious about me and Tony. It was weird. Tony suggested that we
leave. It was like he could read my mind."
Mom came with the cake and some milk.
"That's too bad," said Dad.
"What did you do then?" she asked.
Careful. "We just sat and talked in his car, till the movie was
"Really?" Mom asked, with a raised eyebrow.
"Really. Well, we did kiss some," I said. "But that's all we did,
really." If they knew what those kisses did to me though, they might
object. I closed my eyes and thought of that wonderful feeling and
how Tony tasted.
Dad chuckled. I opened my eyes.
"He must be a good kisser," Mom said, looking at Dad. I started
blushing and just nodded, grinning back at them.
I took a bite of cake.
"So, are you going to see him again?" Mom asked.
I nodded and swallowed. "We're going steady," I said.
She frowned, "Don't you think that's a bit soon?"
I didn't know what to say. It's not like I have a lot of options here
Mom. Even if I did, I'm falling for Tony. Ah!
"But I really like Tony and he likes me." I looked away and tried to
remember what he said. "On the, uh sex thing, he said something cool.
It was something like, as long as he knew he could keep seeing me,
then he could wait."
"Sounds like a smart guy," said Dad.
I nodded. Mom didn't look convinced.
"Well, I'm heading to bed," Dad said, as he stood up to stretch.
"Me too," said Mom. "I'm glad you had a good time Ben. Don't stay
up too late. Good-night."
"Night Ben," said Dad.
As they walked away, I heard Mom say to Dad, "I've never seen
him so animated..." I couldn't hear the rest.
I finished my cake and went to my bedroom.
I got out of my clothes and climbed into bed. Ah, this is a wonderful
feeling. I thought of Tony kissing me. I thought back to how many
times he kissed me. Amazing, he only kissed me three times! It felt
like much more. What would happen if we kept going. I would have no
problem making love to him! The hard part was stopping. "What are
you, a prick tease?" popped into my head. Ouch, that hurt! Was Tony
really OK with what I want, or don't want, right now? He said to me,
what guys say about girls, who purposely get guys all excited, but will
do nothing to relieve them. Prick teases are hated by guys more than
girls who do nothing. They basicly use the promise of what could be,
to get guys to take them out, and to only go with them. But Tony had
suggested that we go steady. Maybe he figured that is part of the
deal. Sigh. His kisses are like having sex to me. It just isn't
fair to him. I need to find a way of relieving him. Hee, hee, I say
that like it would be a burden. I want to see what his penis looks
like. And to taste him. But how can we limit how far things go, or
the amount, so that it doesn't become all that we do? I don't know an
answer to that. Sigh. I'm tired. I'll fall asleep dreaming about
holding and kissing Tony, imagining he is here holding me.
Sunday morning, all through breakfast, I just couldn't stop smiling
and laughing at the the least funny thing. My sister was looking at
me like I was crazy. Mom and Dad were in a good mood too. Dad asked
me to mow the lawn. "No problem Dad. Right after breakfast" That got
another stare from my sister, because I hate mowing the lawn.
While mowing the lawn, I wondered when Tony would call. If he doesn't
call by five, then I'll call him.
After mowing the lawn I was in my bedroom working on my model.
"Tony's on the phone," Mom called out to me.
I leaped up and ran into the house to the phone in the kitchen. It
"Hi lover-boy," he said. Wow! what a greeting. I looked around. My
Mom wasn't in the kitchen, and no one else seemed to be around. Then
I saw Mom and Dad out in the back yard.
"Hi hot-stuff!" I replied. He chuckled.
"Did you sleep good?" he asked.
"I dreamed about you all night."
"You're so cute," he said. "I had a great time with you."
"Can you come over today?" I asked.
"I wish I could, but I've got a load of chores to do this afternoon.
Then I have trig. homework and an essay to write for English. So my day
is all used up."
"But I really miss being with you. Maybe we can meet each other at
"Sure," I replied.
"What are you going to do today?"
"Well since you brought it up, I do have some homework. Maybe I'll
start reading the book you loaned me."
I heard a muffled, "OK, in just a minute."
"I have to go Ben. My Dad wants me to get going with the yard work."
"OK, I'll see you tomorrow," I said.
"Bye, my boyfriend," he said. I mentally gasped, and felt my face
flush. Can I say it back to him. It was so easy last night. But I
could be heard here. Say it Ben, you'll miss the moment!
"Bye, my boyfriend, I'll miss you," I said quietly. I heard a sigh on
the other end, then he hung up.
I headed back to my bedroom. My sister came down the hallway and into
the living room.
"So how do you know Tony?" she asked with obvious awe.
"Huh, why?" My guard was up to full alert now. What does she know and
why is she asking?
"A friend of mine saw Tony and you at the movies last night. Was he
your date?" she asked with some disdain.
"No way, we're just friends."
"I didn't think you hung out with the jock crowd," she said.
"Huh, what do you mean?"
"Oh come on. You mean you don't know that he's on the varsity
"No. Really?" I was shocked. "So what is he, the quarter back or
"No. I don't know what you call his position. Something about
catching the ball."
"A receiver?" I offered. I don't pay attention to football, but I
know the positions and rules, from playing touch football in P.E.
"That sounds like it. Every girl in school is hot for him."
This is not good! I can see where she's heading. What can I do?
"Wait a minute, you didn't know he was on the football team? So how
do you know him?" she asked.
Oh no! What can I say? Stay general. Keep to as much truth as
possible. "We just met during lunch when he saw I was reading a
fantasy book. He's into that and science fiction novels. So we're
"It didn't sound like friends on the phone," she said squinting at me.
Oh shit! She heard? OK, hard lie needed now.
"That was Dave, I was talking to."
"No it wasn't. I heard Mom tell you that Tony was on the phone."
"So what!" I said angerly, "Friends can talk on the phone." Damn, I
knew better--that's why hard lies should never be used. Years of
hiding have taught me that.
"Yeah, especially boyfriends," she said with a sneer. "Gee the
girls at school are going to be disappointed when they find out that
Tony is a queer."
"Cathy! You can't tell anyone!"
"Ah, so you admit it!"
"No, but you can't say that about anyone at school, he could get hurt."
"So what," she said.
I felt a flash of rage now. "Go to hell!" I yelled at her and ran for
"No, you're going to hell," she yelled back.
I got to my room and flopped down on my bed. I was shaking with anger
and fear. Trapped. What can I do? Tony's a jock? Why didn't he say?
It doesn't matter to me, but he's apparently well known. Ah, that
explains the girls looking at him during lunch on Friday. Now Cathy
is going to tell everyone about us. I'm almost unknown, so I might be
OK. But Tony! What can I do? Should I call him? Cathy might not
really tell someone. After all she is worried about her association
to me. Maybe that'll stop her. But how can I talk to Tony without my
sister hearing. That'll only strengthen her suspicions about us. I
can't think clearly. What will the jock types do to him. Beat the
crap out of him, I'm sure. What if they find out I was the one he was
with. I don't know how to fight or defend myself. I'm only good at
avoiding confrontations. But I can't avoid direct attacks. Keep
quiet. Keep a low profile. It's worked before. Then I felt
overwhelmed. Tears welled up and I curled into a ball and sobbed.
I don't know what to do.
Finally, I was all cried out. OK, do nothing, since any action now
could make things worse.
I sent the rest of Sunday in a daze. Mostly I just laid around
reading. Cathy wasn't at dinner. Mom said she was eating at her
boyfriend's house. Good. When I went to bed, I fell asleep wondering
how things will be. I tried to remember how Tony felt holding me.
That calmed me down a lot, and I fell asleep.
Monday morning. The first two classes were normal. Whew.
On the way to my third class a guy bumped into me. "Out of my way
faggot," he growled.
What! I gave him a look like he was crazy. But I quickly walked on.
In class, I noticed some whispering going on and a number of girls
were turning to look and point at me. Some were giggling, and some
were frowning. Fear. Were they really talking about me. That guy in
the hall, he was in my P.E. class! OK, word is getting out. Just
pretend like nothing is going on. Ignore them all. But try to stay
away from any group of guys. They are the most dangerous.
Finally, class is over. Time for lunch. I sure hope Tony is OK. I
hurried to my lunch spot. On the way I noticed a number of glares
from some guys. I stayed out of the corridors and took only the
widest route so that I could easily avoid groups. I got to my spot
and sat down to eat. Just as I was finishing, Tony walks up. He was
furious. I could tell.
"What the fuck is going on," he yelled at me. I stood up. "You
telling the the whole world!" he said quietly, but angerly.
"No, Tony. It was my sister. She overheard me on the phone with
you." I was feeling miserable.
"Do you know what it's been like this morning! You might have an
understanding family, but if my old man finds out, he'll kill me."
Keep the tears down Ben, there are other people around looking at us.
"I'm sorry Tony, I didn't mean for any of this," I said. But it
didn't seem like enough.
Tony just glared at me. He looked around and saw other kids were
looking at us. "Just stay away from me," he yelled and he shoved me
in the chest. I fell backwards, but luckily landed sitting on the
bench. Tony stomped away. I saw a number of people tracking him and
they were glancing back at me. Some were wide-eyed, like what is
going on, while others seemed to be glaring. I looked closer. How
many? It was really only clusters of people nearby. Most of the
other kids weren't paying attention. OK, get away from this group
What am I going to do? I feel sick. That's it, I'm sick. Go home.
I've never been sick enough to leave in the middle of the day. What
do I do? Go to the office? But I don't want to sit and wait there.
Whew, the number of people looking at me is less. I was heading to
the bike parking area. I'm going home now! Who cares about the
No one was at the bike area, because it was lunch time. Keep it down
Ben, don't think, just get home. I got going. Whew, this feels good.
Moving. Getting away from the crowd. I concentrated on riding.
Watch out for cars. Don't get hit. Watch out for glass on the road.
It worked a little. Tony's angry face kept flashing up. I felt a
rage building up against my sister. That helped to keep the tears
down. Why is this taking so long? I'm hitting every red light.
Almost home. I'll be able to let loose in a bit. I started
trembling. Not now! Stop it Ben, I kept telling myself. There's the
driveway. I can barely stay on the bike, I'm shaking so bad. I bared
down to hold it in. Oh crud, I'm going to throw-up. Can I make it
into the house or should I go for the yard? I think I can make it. I
dropped my bike in the breeze-way and ran into the house. I just made
it to the toilet and lost all my lunch. I started crying now. Oh,
here comes another heave. I really hate this! There's a knock
on the door.
"Is that you Ben," said my Mother.
"Yes," I croaked out.
"What's wrong," she asked.
"I don't know, I felt sick so I came home."
She started to come in. I blocked the door. I didn't want her to see
that I was crying.
"I'll be OK in a bit. I just need to throw-up some more."
"OK. I'll be out here," she said.
Thank god I don't feel like throwing up any more. I got a towel and
wiped my face. Whew, I have some control. Now I just need to get to
my bedroom, past Mom. I looked at my self in the mirror. Yes, I look
sick. I took a deep breath and went out. She came up to me and felt
"You feel warm."
I nodded. "I'm going to go lay down. Maybe it's the flu."
"OK. Let me know if you need anything."
I made it out to my bedroom I laid down. I was cold, so I pulled the
top blankets over me. No more tears were coming. I couldn't think of
anything. I just fell asleep.
"Ben," Mom said, as she came in. "Dinner's ready. Do you want to
"No, I'm not too hungry. I just feel like sleeping."
"OK. I'll check back later."
The day's events started flashing by. 'Out of the way faggot.' The
stares and pointing. Tony's anger. Tear's were starting now. He
shoved me! 'Stay away from me!' he yelled. But we were going steady.
Now I'm really letting loose. I don't know how long I cried. I
thought of looking at the clock. Who cares. I was exhausted from the
crying, so I fell asleep.
I woke up to knocking on the door.
"Ben," Mom said, "How are you feeling?" She came in. It was morning.
"Are you going to school?"
No way. I don't think I'm ever going back to school. "I still don't
feel too good. Can I stay home?"
"Sure Ben. Here let's get your temperature." she put a thermometer in
I just laid there, relieved that I wasn't going to school.
Mom took out the thermometer. "Hmm, only a little high. Would you
like some breakfast?" she asked.
"I don't know."
"How about milk toast?"
Mom brought out the milk toast. I guess with my throwing up she
wanted me to have something bland. It did make me feel better.
I just stayed in my room, the rest of the day, mostly sleeping. Mom
tried to get me to eat a toasted cheese sandwich. I ate half of it.
Later she asked if I wanted dinner. I asked for the other half of the
toasted cheese sandwich. I went to sleep after crying a little more.
I just don't know what to do.
The next morning, Mom came in again.
"Are you feeling better this morning?" she asked.
"No, I feel like staying home another day," I said, not looking at
her. I just stared at the model on my desk.
"Ben, something else is going on," she said.
Well, I'm not going to talk about it. I'm done crying. It's over.
"I'll be OK."
"Look you haven't eaten much. If you don't tell me what is going on,
I'm taking you to the doctor."
So what! Can he see a broken heart? Tears were starting to form.
Crap, the game is up! I looked down and tried to hold it in.
She sat down on the bed. "Did you and Tony break up?" she asked.
"Sort of," I said. Then I felt my anger at Cathy and the others. The
"Cathy found out that Tony and I were seeing each other. I didn't
know, but he's on the varsity football team, really popular. Cathy
said all the girls are after him, and that she was going to tell..."
I couldn't say, tell them that Tony and I are queers.
I looked and saw my mother was looking angry.
"People were looking at me, calling me names. Tony must have had it
worse, because he said he never wanted to see me again." That's it, I
lost it. She held me, while I cried. I calmed down after a few
Mom pulled away. "It'll be OK. You can stay home today. I'm not
sure what to do, but I'll have a talk with Cathy and she will stop. I
guess she didn't realize how bad things could get."
Oh, she understood, well enough!
"Do you want to get up for breakfast?"
"OK." I felt weak, but hungry again.
After eating breakfast. I went back to my bedroom. I picked up my
novel to read. I was still depressed and didn't want to think.
I fell asleep while reading.
I woke up and just stared at my alarm clock. 12:40, 12:41.
"Ben," Mom called, "Tony's on the phone."
What? How can that be? He's at school. Oh, it's lunch hour. But he
doesn't want to see me.
"I don't want to talk to him." I yelled back through the closed door.
"Not now. Maybe later." He hurt me and I wasn't ready to talk to him.
I heard her walk away. A few minutes later. She came out again,
knocked on my door and entered.
"Uh, Ben, Tony's coming over after school."
"What! But he doesn't want to see me!"
"He was really upset that you wouldn't talk to him. I asked him to
"But he acted like he hates me," I said.
"If that were true, then why would he call, or agree to come over,"
she said, with infallible logic, that hit me like cold water.
I practically leaped out of bed.
"When's he coming over?" I asked, as I looked around for my shoes.
"Not till after school," she chuckled. "Plenty of time to eat some
lunch and take a shower."
Is she implying I stink. Hmm, I probably do, it's been three
days. "OK. I think I'll shower first."
"How about a chicken sandwich," she asked.
I showered, ate lunch, and got ready for Tony. To pass the time, I
grabbed the book, that he lent me, and started reading it, in the
living room. No wonder he recommended it. It has a gay theme in the
plot. 'Tony wants to see me,' kept going through my head.
Around 3:30, the door bell rang. Tony! I opened the door. It was
him. He had the same blue and white jacket on. He looked at me with
a worried look.
"Hi Tony." I smiled, but then I saw his cheek was bruised and had a
scrape on it. My smile went away. "Come on in." I tried to smile
"Hi Ben," he said. He step up to come in. He seemed so big now. He
stared to move past me when I closed he door. I touched his shoulder,
to turn him to me. I looked up at him. Eyebrows raised.
"Tony?" I said as I started to move in to hug him. He better not back
away from me. He didn't, he grabbed me into a tight hug. He felt so
good. Mmm, he smells good too. But I can smell that fear smell from
him. I started crying now. He was too! After about a minute, he
started to get control.
"Ah-em, uh, Ben why don't you and Tony go to your room?" said Mom.
I nodded, and croaked out "OK."
"We need to talk more when your Dad gets home, both of you... OK?" she
We both nodded, wide-eyed.
"My room's this way," I said as I opened the front door and lead Tony
to my room, holding his hand.
Author's note: Well I had to pause here. I'm a little stuck
with the next scene with Ben's parents. What can they do besides give
Ben and Tony a safe place and get Ben's sister off their backs? It's
not too important to the rest of the plot that I have planned, but if
you have any ideas, let me know. If you haven't guessed, the story is
set in southern California, around 1970. This is only a year after
the Stonewall riots, so the word "gay" was only starting to be
commonly used. Gay community services? Get real.