Learning About Love: Book 1
© Copyright 1999 - 2006 by email@example.com
This fictional story contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts
between the characters in it. Unsafe sex practices are depicted,
because it is set in a time before the killer STD AIDS; always use a
condom. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. This
story may only be electronically copied to free sites.
Author's note: This is my first attempt at writing gay romantic
erotica. This first part has more sex in it than the other parts. So
far it looks like there will be 2 or 3 more chapters to this story.
Check back in about 2 weeks. E-Mail is welcome.
Sweet sixteen. I sure didn't feel very sweet. I guess that phrase
only applies to girls.
Sigh, another year alone. I watched the couples, that seemed to be
everywhere, during the lunch hour break.
It's only the middle of October, this Monday, and already I'm feeling
left out. Come on, Ben, just ignore them, you don't even know if
that's what you want.
I was bored, because I forgot to bring the latest novel that I was
Oh well, it's only thirty more minutes, might as well people watch and
daydream. Now there's a fox. Long shiny dark brown hair. Look at
that mini-skirt! It was almost up to her crotch. Any shorter I would
be able to see her underwear! Whew, don't stare too much, look
Oh my, what a cutie. Long blond hair down to middle of the back. I
really like long hair. My hair is brown, almost touching my
shoulders, and cut in a shag style. It would be longer if my Dad
didn't keep sending me to the barber. I looked some more. Cute
dimples and full red lips, laughing at something that a friend of his
was saying. My stomach did a lurch, as I thought of running up to him
and kissing him.
Reality check! You're in the middle of a crowded high-school lunch
courtyard and you're lusting after a boy!
Gee, I only lasted four minutes before getting depressed again.
Sigh, so what if I'm attracted to him, I just want to hold someone
and be held by someone.
When I was about eleven, I started to worry about my feelings towards
boys. The encyclopedia helped a lot; thanks for the "complete"
edition Mom and Dad. I read every cross reference, multiple times,
under the sexuality, homosexual, and other deviant sex topics. Yes, I
knew something about the words homosexual and queer, which was why I
was worried; I didn't want to get beat up or made fun of. What I read
actually excited me though. It said that it was a normal phase for
boys to have sex with other boys. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and
anal sex was even possible. Wow! I tried to find other's who might
be interested. No luck. And now I guess I'm past the "it's a phase"
What's wrong with me? I just want to experience sex and love, but how
do I get someone to notice me. I don't think I'm ugly. Girls don't
run from me. But I must not be handsome enough for them to want to
make it obvious that they are interested in me. I have brown wavy
hair, blue eyes, five foot ten inches, 135 pounds, so kind of skinny.
I brush my teeth, use deodorant, and I only need to shave every other
day. Maybe I'm so handsome that they hang back in awe. I coughed, to
keep from laughing out-loud like a crazy person. Oh sure, what an
I'm tired of this ache for someone. What can I do? Let's see. I can
wait for someone to notice me, but would I be interested in them? I
can go after someone I'm interested in and hope that they would be
interested in me. Hmm.
Go after someone? Be rejected? Or worse be thought of as a creep!
Or accept most anyone interested in me? I would at least experience
something. If I don't like it, I could be the one doing the
rejecting. Man, I can sound so cold at times, but I at least try to
be honest with myself, since I have hidden so much of myself from
So what will I do? Hmm, I hate the aggressive mode of going after
someone. Besides the constant ache of looking at what I can't have is
certainly not getting me anywhere.
OK so, pay attention to anyone showing any kind of interest in me. I
should force myself to respond to the other person, so long as there
are no major problems with them. Maybe I'll see something attractive
<beep> Oh, the end of period bell. Sigh, P.E. is next. What an
awful time for P.E., right after lunch. More than once I've seen guys
puking up their lunch after running too hard. I headed to the gym and
The day was hot, so I left my shirt off.
"Hi Ben," said Dave. I didn't know Dave very well. We usually just
said hi and traded gripes. "Sounds like we get to do another six mile
"Oh crude, this is general phys. ed., not track!" I said. I hate the
six mile runs. It uses up the whole period just jogging around in
circles. The fast runners, however, get to gloat by finishing early
and just sitting around for the rest of the period.
"No kidding. I think coach just wants to kick back on this hot day,
so we get to work." He paused then pointing at my chest, "What
happened? That nipple is larger than the other one."
"What?" I looked. Sure enough. But it wasn't much larger. "I never
noticed. Guess I was just born that way." laughing it off. I moved
to go to our assembly area. What was that about?
Coach announced that after calisthenics, we were to run around the field
for the next 40 minutes. Good, I could just jog and walk, because the
distance and time would not be measured. I avoided Dave for the rest
of the class. I would have never thought to look closely at other
guy's chest, it would be too embarrassing, well actually stimulating,
but embarrassing to get caught staring.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Just as I exited the school
grounds, I heard:
I looked back and saw Dave trotting up. "Hi Dave," I said, calling him
by his first name. I hate the macho B.S. where guys only use last
"What are you doing this afternoon?" he asked.
"Just going home. I haven't really thought about it."
"Want to come over to my house?" he asked.
This is new, I hardly know him. The most we've ever talked was today
when he made a comment about my nipple. Oh no, could it be he's
interested in me! I looked at him differently. He had short brown
hair, brown eyes, shorter than me, but skinny too. I wasn't attracted
to him though. "Is your Mom home?" I was all of a sudden afraid to
be alone with him.
"No," he said.
"I... can't come over." I couldn't look at him. But I would have,
gone to his house, if he had answered yes.
"Oh." He started walk off. What am I doing? He seemed interested in
me, and he didn't have any negative traits. This is exactly what I
said I would look for.
"Wait a minute," I said. Trying to explain my harsh no: "My parents
have a rule that a parent has to be home, when I go to a friend's
house." Should I? I'll have to lie to Mom. "Ah, who cares. I'll
need to call my Mom from your place. Maybe fib a little."
Dave smiled, "It's this way, about a mile from here."
Hmm, he does have a nice smile. His home was not quite on the way to
my home, but at least it wasn't in the opposite direction.
"Where's your Mom?" I asked. I need to think of what to say to my
"She works the swing shift at Mercy hospital, she's a nurse."
That doesn't help me with any excuses. "Do you have any brothers or
sisters?" I ask.
"I have a older brother who just started college this year. How about
"I have a sister who is a year younger than me," I replied. "When
does your Dad get home from work?"
"He doesn't live with us. They're divorced"
"It's OK. It's been about five years and I see him about twice a
week. It's just him and Mom who don't get along. It took me a while
to figure that out."
I just nodded. I didn't know what to say, because I already feel like
I've gotten too personal. So I just waited for him to continue or
pick another topic. We walked for a few minutes.
"We're almost there. About five more minutes," he said, "unless you
want to run?"
I groaned and looked at him. He was grinning at my pained look. "No
thanks," I said chuckling now.
About five minutes later, he walked up to a yellow two story house.
He opened the door. "Oh, it looks like my brother is home." We
walked in to an off-white entry way. Stairs were ahead of us, a
dining room was off the right, a living room was off to the left, and
past the stairs was a hallway to some other part of the house.
"Would you like something to drink? A beer or soda?" he asked.
"Uh, I don't think I better have a beer! A cola would be good, thanks."
"Yeah, I was kidding about the beer. Mom got mad when she found out I
had some." He walked through the dining room and into the kitchen.
"Hey kid," I hear some guy say. Must be his brother. I walked in and
saw a large tall guy who looked like a larger Dave, but he had curly
brown hair and blue eyes. "Oh, you have a new boyfriend!" he said.
"Bob!" Dave said sharply, "shut-up, you're such a jerk." I was turning
red. "This is Ben. We're in P.E. together. Ben this is my obnoxious
"Hi." I said. What is going on?
"Hi Ben. Sorry, I just like to tease Dave," Bob said grinning. "I'll
see you later Dave, I'm heading back to the library to do more
homework." Bob left the room.
Dave opened the fridge and grabbed two cans of coke. "What a jerk," he
said as he handed me one. "Come on, I want to change out of these
school clothes and you can see my room."
"Wait. I need to phone my Mom"
"Oh, yeah, there's the phone." He pointed to the wall phone next to
"Hi, Mom. I just wanted to let you know that I'm over at a school friend's
"OK. Is someone else there with you two?" she asked.
I thought of Dave's brother, "Yes," I said with confidence, but
knowing that she meant a parent.
"OK. You need to back around 5:30 for dinner."
"OK. Bye Mom."
Whew. That was easy.
"It's this way. Come on." Dave headed back through the dining room
and up the stairs.
I followed, thinking about Dave changing. Sure, like I'd actually
look, and risk getting caught. Dave turned to the first room on the
right. He had some posters of rock bands. He walked to the closet
and grabbed a shirt and pants. I looked around his room. There are
clothes scattered on the floor. His brown dresser is piled with
knick-knacks and pictures on top. The low single bed is unmade.
Actually his room is smaller than mine and it has a funny sweet musty
"Would you like to look at some porn?" Dave asked. He had taken off
He went to the bookshelf, reached behind a bunch of books, pulled out
a magazine, and handed it to me. "Wow, Penthouse," I said. Dave went
back to his closet and took off his pants, reveling his white
underware. I looked briefly at his smooth back and his lightly haired
legs, then I quickly opened the magazine and started flipping through
it. I had only seen a few older Playboy's. But this was Penthouse,
and I saw that it looked much more reveling. And it was last
month's issue. I sat down on his bed.
"The center-fold is hot," Dave said as he walked over with pants on and
still tucking in his shirt.
I flipped to it, an opened it out. "Wow. This is cool. I've only looked
at playboys before. They don't show them, uh, spread so much."
"Nice looking pussy lips, huh," said Dave. "I like the way the inner
lips flare out. It looks like she's ready to for a cock to push right
"Really!" I replied, blushing at his comment. "I'd love to do that!"
I flipped past the center-fold and looked at some more reveling pictures
of the same model. "Oh," I groaned when I saw an image of her kneeling
with her behind push out at the camera.
"No kidding," said Dave. I noticed that he was rubbing his crotch.
This is amazing. I imitated him, and started rubbing the front of my
pants. It didn't take long for me to get hard. I adjusted myself as
my dick lengthened to its full five and a half inches. Dave reached
over and flipped to another set of pictures. These showed a guy on
top of a woman. I couldn't see if they were actually fucking, but it
was a very sensual picture. His behind was very nice too.
"Where did you get this?"
"My brother gives me his hand-me-downs." Dave said grinning and
glancing at me rubbing myself. "Want to jerk-off?" He had a neutral
"Sure...," I hesitated. Looking back at the magazine. Dave stood up.
I put the opened magazine down on the bed and stood up too.
"OK, pull it out," said Dave, as he unzipped his pants and reached in
to pull out his dick.
I started to get nervous and I tried not to look at him by focusing on
unzipping my pants and slipping my finger into the slit in my
underware. I had to work to push the opening up high enough to get it
over the head of my dick. It moved out onto the cool air.
"Nice cock," said Dave, as he moved his hand up and down his dick.
"Your's too," I replied and quickly looked back to the magazine. The
skin on his shaft was loose enough so he could easily move his hand up
and down. But the skin on mine is so tight that I have to have
lubrication to cum. Oh well, maybe I can move my hand enough and the
extra stimulation of the magazine and glancing at Dave's dick will
Dave flipped to a new page. The woman was now sitting over the guy,
leaning back with her huge breasts pushed out. I look between their
legs. Darn, they still show that area in shadows and mostly blocked
by her thigh. My eyes moved up the man's torso. Firm stomach and a
really nice hairless chest with large pectoral muscles.
"Look at those tits," said Dave.
"Mmm," I replied after glancing back at the breasts then back at the
guy's chest. I looked over at Dave and saw that he was pumping his
hand fast. I started to get more nervous, because I realized that
I wasn't going to be able to cum easily.
"I'm getting close. Uh oh, I forgot a towel." he reached under the
bed and pulled out a faded towel. The sweet musky smell got stronger.
Oh wow, the towel must be full of his dried cum! He moved the
magazine up and spread the towel out between us. Then he started
stroking himself again.
What was I going to do? I reached over and flipped to the next page.
It had more pictures of the woman on top of the man.
"Oh yeah," Dave moaned. I looked over and saw him moving his hand
faster. He then pushed his hips forward, humping into his hand. I
looked up and saw he had his eyes closed and his face was scrunched
up. Then he let out his breath with a loud ahhh sound. His hand was
a blur. Then I saw his white sperm shoot out onto the towel and the
magazine. The sound he made was so exciting. Another jet of sperm
spurted out. His hand was slowing as he now seemed to milk his dick.
Another spurt, much less than the other two. Then another one just
sort of leaked out. I look up at him when he opened his eyes.
"Wow, that must have felt good." I said.
He grinned. "That's for sure." He grabbed the edge of the towel and
wiped the cum off of his hand and the end of his dick.
When he was cumming, I felt almost like I could cum, but now I became
self conscious again. I tried to concentrate on the magazine picture.
Dave's white cum was exciting.
"Oh yeah, go for it," Dave offered encouragement. I tried going
faster. After several minutes, I could sort of tell Dave was starting
to get embarrassed.
I stopped. "I'm getting tired. But this was fun." That was
for-sure. I pulled my dick back in and zipped up.
"But you didn't cum."
"That's OK. I'll finish at home." I grinned to let him know that I
really was OK. "Well, I better get home." I quickly walked out of
his room. He followed me to the front door. I opened it and looked
back at him. He had a worried look. "I'll see you tomorrow in
gym class," I smiled.
"OK," he said, returning the smile.
On my way home, I thought about what had happened. Finally, I've had
a sexual experience with someone. I didn't get to touch him, but
maybe I will another time. Will there be another time? I couldn't
cum. I was scared that I would do something wrong. He must think I'm
pretty weird. I feel a little panic. I have no idea what he thinks.
Well, at least this is a change from the ache of being alone. You
idiot, you only jacked-off next to each other. He was just getting-off
with the magazine, not you. Maybe. But he did seem concerned about
me. Sigh, I have no idea where this is going. What does he think
about me? Well I'll find out tomorrow. I should be sure to talk to
him, or else he'll think I didn't like what happened.
When I got home, I still had an hour before dinner. I grabbed an old
towel and went out to my bedroom. The towel was a good idea. I had
been using kleenex but it was not easy to use.
I laid down on my bed and used some hand lotion on my dick. I closed
my eyes and thought back to this afternoon's experience. The look of
Dave's hard dick. The pictures in the magazine. How the sperm shot
out of his penis. The look on his face when he came. What if I had
reached over and did it for him and he got some lubricant and rubbed
me. Ah, that's it, there's the feeling. Try to remember that feeling
if I do it with him again. Feel it building. Ah, the point of no
return. The pleasure is so intense in my head and in my dick, then I
feel the first jet of sperm jet from inside, intensifying the
pleasure. I push inside to pump more sperm out; that makes each
ejaculation feel more pleasurable, but still not quite as good as the
first load that pumps out. Whew, that was intense! But now I feel
the usual depression after cumming. For some reason, guilty for
masturbating. Oh well, I know that feeling will pass.
The next day.
Here we go, time for gym class. I barely paid attention to my earlier
classes. Now I'll find out how things are with Dave. I got suited-up
quickly. When I got outside, I didn't see Dave around.
Coach blew the whistle. "Listen up ladies. After calisthenics, we'll
be playing basket ball." I saw two basket balls next to
coach. "Divide your selves up into four teams. The captains are:
Adams, Jones, Dixon, and McCarthy... You're late Harper."
I looked behind me and saw Dave jogging up to the edge of the group.
He didn't look for me.
"OK, get started." yelled coach.
We did our stretches, running in place, and jumping-jacks. Then the
captains got up front and picked guys, round-robin. It was the
quickest way to get evenly matched teams, because everyone pretty much
knew how well others played. And as the teams grew the other members
would let their captain's know who would be the best asset to pick
next. I hated this "fair" process, because I was always left till the
second to last round and sometimes the last round, which felt really
awful, because the choices, called out to the captains, were who to
avoid. Like, "Don't get stuck with Johnson!" All said loudly, so
that everyone's position was clear. Dave usually gets picked picked
in the middle group. Not a star, but not a screw-up. I ended up on a
different team. I didn't see Dave trying to get me on his team. Oh
well, why should he? The other team members would think less of him
for wanting a poor player.
It turns out he was even on a different court. As we played, I would
look towards him. He didn't look at me. He did seem to be talking to
Andy. And Andy started grinning and looking at me. Oh no! Is he
telling Andy about what we did yesterday! I stopped looking at them
and just concentrated on playing basketball.
Coach blew the end of game whistle. "Hit the showers guys!" he yelled
Dave's group jogged towards the gym. I didn't feel like running.
Dave must have showered and dressed quickly, so I didn't even get to
say hi to him.
I was in a daze during my afternoon classes. I was so happy this
morning, now I feel rotten. Why did Dave ignore me. Did he tell
Andy? I'll just have to try to talk to him tomorrow.
As I was walking home. Dave trots up beside me. "Hi".
I stopped walking. "Hi Dave," I said without too much excitement.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"How come you ignored me in gym?"
"Huh, I wasn't ignoring you. I was late and ended up in a different
game than you."
"Oh, sorry, I just thought we were becoming friends."
"I think we are too," he replied. "Want to come over to my place
"Now?" hoping that is what he meant.
"Sure, why not?"
We walked to his house and talked about the basketball game we played
in gym class. When we got there, no one was home. We got some sodas
again went up to his room for him to change again. I sat on the edge
of his bed, drinking my soda, while he changed. I only glanced at
him, but I was looking more than last time. When he was dressed he
walked over to the bookcase and pulled out a glossy magazine and
tossed it to me. I caught it.
"Check this out. I swiped it from my brother's room."
The cover had a picture of a woman sucking a guy. "Wow!" I flipped it
open. It looked like every page had pictures, unlike Playboy or
Penthouse. "This is incredible. They show everything. Nothing is
hidden by shadows."
"I know," said Dave. "You got to see this one." He took the magazine
and sat down on the bed next to me. He flipped to somewhere near the
middle and stopped on a page showing a woman laying back on a man who
had his dick way up into her widely spread legs.
"Oh, that is so hot!" I had never seen a close up of anything like
this. I saw Dave adjust himself.
"Want to... you know."
"Sure," I replied. And we both unzipped, pulled out our boners and
started moving our hands up and down.
"Think you'll be able to come this time?" Dave asked.
"Uh, yeah." I was embarrassed that he brought it up and looked away
"Sorry... I shouldn't have said anything. I just want you to have
"Thanks. That was my first time in front of anyone, so I guess I was
"No kidding? Really?"
We went back to looking at the magazine. Dave made remarks at every
picture where a guy was getting a blow-job.
"That looks like it would feel really good. Oh man, I can't wait
for that to happen to me someday."
I looked at his dick. It had a nice pink top. I liked the way it
flared out at the head. It was much more exciting to look at then the
pictures. But it had some clear liquid leaking out of the slit. What
was that? Then I remembered from the encyclopedia. The cowper gland,
I think it was called, produced some lubricating fluid, but it was
often not very much. I usually only see a drop form when I've
jacked-off. I licked my lips. Dave saw me looking at his dick. He
"You know... " he hesitated "uh, if you suck me, I'll suck you." He
had a worried look.
"Uh, I don't know. Are you sure?"
"Sure. We can start slow. I'll lick your's then you can lick mine.
OK?" he looked at me carefully.
He leaned down and his tongue licked around the head of my dick.
I gasped at the sensation. He sat up quickly and looked at my
"That felt great," I said. He smiled back. I leaned down to lick the
head of his penis. I went for the top of the mushroom part, so that I
wouldn't lick the clear stuff. He jerked up and I then licked over
the slit and into the clear stuff. It didn't seem to have any taste,
so I licked more of it up. Then I slide my lips over the whole head.
I didn't open wide enough.
"Watch the teeth," Dave gasped. "Your mouth feels so good. Can you
get more in?" He had let go of his penis, so I reached over and put
my hand around him. It was so warm. I felt it throb and the head
seemed to grow in my mouth. I moved down and he groaned. I wiggled
my tongue over the head. He thrust up. I was glad my hand was on him
to prevent him from going in too much more. I moved off of him.
"Wow. That felt so good." He looked at me grinning at him. "Oh, your
turn." He looked disappointed. "I know lets lay down on the bed on
our sides and we can do each other at the same time."
"OK." I let go of his dick and he scooted back and laid on his side
with his head at the foot of the bed. I scooted down to line my dick
up with his mouth.
He took a hold of it and started licking the head.
Wow, I want to suck him some more now! I laid down and repeated
Dave's actions, by licking all around the mushroom head.
He went down on me more. His mouth was hot and slippery.
I moved down on him and started moving my head up and down.
He started doing that to me.
I could feel my orgasm building already.
He started pushing his dick in and out of my mouth.
I tried to match his rhythm. Wait a minute, what if he cumms do I
want that? I'd tasted my semen. It was really bitter. But if I do,
maybe he'll swallow mine too. Then I realized that I really did want
to feel his sperm shoot into my mouth. It would be like feeling his
orgasm at it's peak, and it was my mouth that caused his sperm to
spurt out. I reached down with my free hand and cupped and massaged
his balls through his pants.
I also started to move my hand on his hard penis, up and down in rhythm
to my mouth. I felt his penis swell more. Then it got really hard in
my hand. He jerked forward, then my mouth was really wet, full of
lots of warm fluid. I tasted it. It was salty and a little bitter.
I started to gag, but I pulled back only enough so that I could easily
swallow. I kept pumping on him. The next spurt came out and I
quickly swallowed it so that I wouldn't have to taste it. Oh this
feels so good. I felt my moment-of-no-return approach. I
concentrated on Dave's mouth sucking and licking me. I felt the first
jet of sperm shoot out and into his mouth. Just then another smaller
amount of sperm came out of him. Now I let it stay in my mouth,
trying to taste him more. The orgasm wave made me shake with chills
as I pushed to squirt more of my semen into Dave's mouth. He kept
sucking. He seemed to be done and pulling back a little. He must be
real sensitive right now. I just held my mouth still on the head of
his dick, while I humped and squirted out three more smaller amounts
of sperm. Dave kept going. Owww, that's getting too sensitive now, so
I pulled back. Dave moved off of me. So I let go of his dick too.
"Oh wow, that was so intense. You really know how to suck cock Ben!"
"You were really good too Dave." We had both rolled over to our backs.
"Ahh.." This sure beats jacking-off at home. Home! "Oh no, I forgot
to call home!" What should I do? What will I say? I quickly got
zipped up. What time is it? How much trouble will I be in? I looked
at my watch. Four-thirty. Not too bad, but it's a half hour walk
home. I better call now. That might lessen what ever punishment they
come up with.
"I think I better call my Mom now. I might not get in as much trouble
then. On the other hand, it might give Mom more time to rehearse what
she's going to say to me, when I get home." I shrugged. Dave nodded
and gave me a sympathetic look.
I went down to the kitchen phone and dialed our number.
"Hello," Mom said.
"Ben! Where are you?"
"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I'm at Dave's house again and I just
forgot. Sorry." I tried to sound sorry, but I must have sounded
"I was just worried. It's OK now. Are you coming home now, it's
almost dinner time," she asked.
Whew, I lucked out. "Yes I'm leaving now. It's about a half hour walk
"OK, see you then. Bye."
"I really lucked out. She was worried, but not mad."
"Sounds like a cool Mom," Dave said.
"Yeah, they're pretty strict sometimes though. Maybe she's happy I've
got a friend.
"Well, I better get going." I moved towards him to hug him goodbye.
He started to back up, but I already had my arms around him. He
hesitated, then patted my back. He felt tense. I let go. He had a
surprised look on his face, like he was embarrassed. This is weird.
"I'll see you," I said as I turned to walk to the front door.
"Sure will, bye," he called out.
I got outside, and started walking home. What was wrong? I
thought things were going great with Dave and me. Why did he not hug
back? We sucked each other. Heck, we swallowed each other's cum, but
he doesn't want to hug me? Maybe he regrets what we did. Kind of
like how I get depressed after jacking-off. I felt an ache of loss.
I hope not. I want to do it again. The feeling of giving him an
orgasm felt so good. The taste of cum was pretty bad though.
Maybe I can figure out a way of making it taste better. Hmm,
chocolate covered penis. Hee, hee. Hmm, I had read that semen was
'basic' to counteract the acidic environment in the vagina, so that
the sperm would not be killed off. Let's see, a base and acid make
salts when they mix and that wouldn't taste too good. Maybe the mouth
is acidic. I'll need to find my litmus papers to test that when I get
home. So if it is acidic, what can be done? If the mouth could be
made basic, no salt would be produced. So I could try rinsing my mouth
with a baking-soda solution. But maybe it's not the salt that makes
cum taste bad. Sigh, it might be a while before I can try it with
Dave. What a minute, I can try my own semen, though I have usually
not been too interested in that after cumming. Am I a pervert, a sex
deviant? Liking guys certainly is not normal. Maybe all my wanting
to experiment and experience sex is not normal either.
The normal mode for guys seems to be: do anything, and say anything to
get their dick in a pussy, while trying to at least appear sincere and
polite enough, so that they can come back for more.
That is revolting.
I've seen other guys do it, and I've felt myself wanting to go that
route. But it's dishonest and it has an aggressive element of
seduction and conquest that I just can't... Sigh, I can't think of
the word for the feeling. I just can't push myself onto someone who
doesn't want me. I want to be wanted. A girl can show that she wants
a guy by allowing him to fuck her. A guy can show he wants a girl by
fucking her. No, that doesn't sound right. Maybe the guy shows he's
interested by being willing to wait till the girl says she wants it.
Hmm. Do I want a guy to fuck me? Yes, very much. Do I want to be a
girl? No way! But I think I see the dilemma that girls face, and why
they don't offer easier access--they somehow know that most guys will
put their dick anywhere it feels good, completely independent of who
they really want.
There's that ache again. What is that? A longing to be fucked, or to
be loved? I'm almost home and thinking doesn't seem to be helping.
Things are getting more confusing. Oh well, at least I can try the
base/acid cum experiment.
As for what's going on with Dave, I'll just have to see. Will I go
all the way with Dave to see what he really wants? Sure, why not.
I'm not a girl, and I want to see what it feels like.
Chapter 2 Teaser
<Knock>, <knock>. I woke up with a start. I had fallen asleep.
"Dinner is almost ready," my Dad said.
"OK," I replied getting up.
"Can I come in?"
I gulped, part two. "Sure." And I opened the door. I sat on the
edge of the bed and he sat beside me.
"You OK?" he asked quietly.
I nodded, but tears were starting again. Damn, I got to get control.
I pushed down hard inside, not looking at him. "Did you talk to Mom?"
"About you and Dave? Yes." He looked at me and I looked down. "We
just don't want you to get hurt."
Too late, I thought. "I'll tell Dave that we have to cool-it."
"We're not saying you can't see him." he quietly said. "Just take
To late, I thought again, remembering Dave fucking me. I can't say
that! What was Dad talking about? What can I say back? Try to
agree. "I know. Actually I've been thinking that Dave and I don't
have much else in common. But I would really miss how he..." shit, I
almost said how he feels when we fuck! If felt my face flush and I
started to tremble with the feeling and memory of being fucked. I put
my head on my knees and hugged them, to hid my embarrassment from what
I almost said and what I was feeling. He put his hand on my back and
rubbed. I trembled more and held my breath. No this is wrong. I
can't feel this way here. I felt the wave pass and the tears stopped.
Whew. I breathed again and I was in control again. I sat up.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"For what? Having feelings? They're OK," he said.
I nodded, but I had already pushed the feelings away so that I could
talk. "You know all I really want is to find someone I'm attracted to
and they are attracted to me. But people, uh girls or boys, that I'm
attracted to, aren't interested in me. While the few who are
interested in me, I'm not interested in them. It just all seems so
random and impossible."
"It's not easy," he agreed. "That's probably why being in-love is so
powerful, because it's so rare. Even though it's rare, it'll happen